Entries Tagged as 'sex sex sex'

Listing in Now Magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. Revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 76 Comments

…well, you know how it goes.

The listing is NOW MAGAZINE is INCORRECT. We don't provide the services usually fulfilled by your left hand. If you have to knock, you don't belong here, so PLEASE LEAVE.

Meanwhile, in Melbourne…

Sorry, this premises no longer providers "erotic relaxation" or any other service of that nature.

And in London…

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL!!

…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from London’s Soho:

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL THERE ARE NO PROSTITUTES AT THIS ADDRESS

But my favorite sign was spotted by Nick at a backpacker’s hostel in Rio:

Prostitutes are strictly forbidden to come upstairs. We recommend you go to Panda Motel at Sao Clemente, 298.

related: The whore of West Babylon

Tags: "customer service" · Australia · Canada · Melbourne · Rio de Janeiro · sex sex sex · Toronto

Franger al fresco

July 26th, 2008 · 118 Comments

Geetha in Sydney says this note appeared in the shared dining room the day after the city’s gay Mardi Gras. The best part? “A few people admitted the condom might be theirs, but nobody would take credit for the note.”

To the owner of this condom, the backyard is no place for the use of such things. Please use rooms provided. :)

related: Dearest roommate

Tags: roommates · sex sex sex · smiley · Sydney · visual aids

Maybe “no teenagers” would have been simpler

June 2nd, 2008 · 142 Comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted this signage at a homemade water park somewhere near Cherry Point, South Carolina.

pool rules

pool rules

related: And pull up your pants

Tags: crazypants · sex sex sex · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police · swimming pool · unnecessary "quotation marks" · you know who you are

“It wasn’t me”

May 13th, 2008 · 93 Comments

As far as post-coital “littering” goes, I’m guessing most dorm bathrooms have seen a lot worse than a pink t-shirt, no?

While we certainly appreciate the fact that you got laid last night, we don't appreciate your girlfriend's clothes on the bathroom floor. Please keep littering to a minimum.Thanks, Everyone Else Who Uses This Bathroom

(And we certainly appreciate Matt in Greensboro for snapping the photo.)

related: Humbleshag-brag

Tags: bathroom · college life · double-entendre alert · Greensboro · on behalf of everyone · sex sex sex

Gossip boy

December 2nd, 2007 · 46 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in San Diego got this text message from a friend, explaining: “It’s in reference to him hooking up with one of my friends on my couch. He’s hooked up with three of my friends to date. It’s bound to get around, ya know?”

So I am so glad my drunk outings with you turn into great stories you share with EVERYONE

Adds our submitter: “There’s no safe way to respond to a passive-aggressive text, so I haven’t.”

related: Recipe for roommate discord

Tags: drizzunk · frenemies · San Diego · sarcasm · sex sex sex · text message

Down and dirty down under (dear)

October 12th, 2007 · 146 Comments

When our saga begins, our anonymous submitter’s girlfriend was living in a tiny apartment in Sydney, Australia. Due to space constraints, she was temporarily sleeping on what our submitter admits was “possibly one of the world’s shittiest sofabeds.”

GLAD U HAVE GREAT SEX LIFE but we think it's time to replace yr old bed dear, sound awful

WE DONT CARE WHEN U have SEX but the sound of YR old bed very DISTURBING !!!

But while the mailbox notes were presumably written first (based on the tone) they weren’t actually discovered until after a third note was slipped under the apartment door…

YOUR OLD SPRING BED VERY NOISY WHEN YOU GUYS HAVING SEX!!!

Mortified, our loving couple did, in fact, move their mattress to the floor. But that didn’t seem to placate their dear nameless neighb, who pinned this note to the the building’s common noticeboard…

If you sleep often get Disturb especially like last night between 1-3 am caused by sex marathon

“Ironically,” our submitter says, “it was found when we were moving out the horrible couch.”

related: visual aids always help

Tags: "helpful" advice · Australia · awk abbrev · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2007 · neighbors · noise · saga · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police · Sydney

Don’t hate the playa

August 12th, 2007 · 115 Comments

Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.

“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”

In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

This is to inform you that the tenant who lives on floor [redacted] appears to be having drug and alcohol problems.

Tags: Chicago · danger · drizzunk · drugs · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · neighbors · noise · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

Extremely loud and incredibly close quarters

August 6th, 2007 · 70 Comments

Amy in Seattle says her favorite part of the note is the children (Please, think of the children!) but I was most impressed by the use of both “being effected” and “being impacted” in a single sentence. Those loud, “vulgar-related” noises might, in fact, be the sound of English teachers around the world crying out in agony.

Vulgar related?

Then there’s this one, from William over at lowercase l. It was slipped into his mailbox in Brooklyn by a neighbor several years (and girlfriends) ago. considering the awkwardness of the situation, I find it’s actually quite civil. It’s interesting, though, how people feel the need to give elaborate, vaguely scientific justifications (the acoustical properties of the windows, REM sleep) for why they don’t want to hear you getting it on.

Tags: Brooklyn · neighbors · Seattle · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

Dearest roommate

July 26th, 2007 · 107 Comments

“Is it doubly passive aggressive to use this site to convey this message?  I am the creator of this note, and the photo depicts actual conditions. I would love to send a post of this to said roommate at work.” —flushpatrol in Washington, D.C.

Dearest roommate: Prophylactics are indeed not to be flushed. (Source: Google) Please cease this practice.

related: servicing over a half-billion people…each and every day.

Tags: D.C. · internet citation · meta · most popular notes of 2007 · roommates · sex sex sex · toilet

“Servicing over a half-billion people…each and every day.”

June 15th, 2007 · 30 Comments

From the Bay-area offices of Yahoo! HotJobs

Those programmers…so literal-minded, sometimes.

can u not uz hand lotion in toilet plz? work-wanks r creepy, thnx

(thiz onez fer u, slackferno.)

Tags: bathroom · double-entendre alert · kinda creepy · office · San Francisco · sex sex sex · shameless meme-mongering · toilet · Yahoo