PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » shit

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

Kerry — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 20:41:09 +0000

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

related: The Pooper Stooper

So close, and yet…

Kerry — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 00:40:29 +0000

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

related: This is not a trash can

Who declared Opposite Day?

Kerry — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 01:42:49 +0000

We’ve already seen people throwing urine in bottles out of their window…and now, shit in bags? Who does that?!

(Apparently, at least one dog owner in Bailey’s NYC apartment building.)

Caught in the act

Kerry — Tue, 24 May 2011 01:47:23 +0000

This bulletin board display from Louisville, Kentucky comes to us via Annie in Colorado, who adds: “I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor dogs caught popping a squat!” (Don’t worry, Annie. As you can see, I’ve taken steps to protect the identities of the canines pictured.)

Maybe it’s the classic crazypants handwriting, but I when I try to envision the creator of this display, the first image that comes to mind is one of those cop-show scenes where they bust in and find a room obsessively wallpapered with photos and maps and newspaper clippings documenting some big (or in this case, not so big) conspiracy theory.

But who knows? Maybe this guy is starting a new fetish mag and just wants to track down these dogs to pay their modeling fees or…something.

related: Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

Dear coworkers: I’m sending this e-mail while sitting on the john! Just thought you’d want to know.

Kerry — Tue, 03 May 2011 21:13:08 +0000

Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
______________

Claustrophobic? You might want to avoid these elevators.

Kerry — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:51:43 +0000

Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.

Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.

Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.

related: Elevator nose grease

extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]

The Pooper Stooper

Kerry — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 03:21:01 +0000

Need to borrow a cup of sugar? How about five pounds of dog poop? Well heck, that’s what neighbors are for!

extra credit: The perfect leash for dog haters/sociopaths

So this is your NON-vulgar side? Shut the front door!

Kerry — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 13:00:17 +0000

Sorry, I meant back door. I’m gonna slowly back away now, ma’am…

related: Dear lovely ladies

We will not stand for this crap.

Kerry — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 18:40:14 +0000

Nope, the note below isn’t from a old folks home: it’s actually from a music camp for the young’uns.

So, is the writer taking liberties using the royal we? Or is the entire woodwind section really so backed up that prune juice has become a hot commodity? These are questions I’d rather not think about.

On that note, when you complain about your missing Activia — the yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis euphemistically claims will “regulate your digestive system” — referring to said yogurt as “ma shit” may not be the best choice of words to get your point across.

extra credit: Activia Won’t Cure your Constipation, says FTC [cbsnews.com]

(Thanks to Isaac in Missouri and Kim in Chicago for their submissions!)

A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”

Kerry — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:00:55 +0000

Dan in Melbourne says he saw this sign while riding along a North Fitzroy bike path, which runs parallel to a park. Says Dan: “Now, I’ve owned a dog and I know how they like to roll in stinky things, but this it taking it to a new, super gross level.”

More gross than your dog rolling in/eating some other dog’s shit? Or stepping in a fresh pile of it yourself? I’m not sure I’m convinced. (Not that humans should be exempt from proper poop-scooping etiquette, of course.)

Personally, I’d like to imagine this as a triumphant act of payback on the part of a score-settling colon cancer survivor. (“This is for all the times I’ve stepped in your dogs’ crap. Enjoy!!”)

related: Do you want a doggy bag?

Did you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir?

Kerry — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 03:41:17 +0000

Our submitter says this isn’t the first time her father has put up this display in his front yard…proving, I guess that some people will go through a lot of shit just to make a point. (Meanwhile, the neighborhood dogs and dog owners continue to go about their business.)

related: Lost & Found

Papa’s John

Kerry — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 03:15:52 +0000

If you needed another reason to be happy you don’t live in Utah, Justin brings us this explosion of bad ideas from a Provo office park.

(I’m going with “Team None-of-the-Above” for this one.)

extra credit: Food-scented air fresheners [grubgrade.com]

Stop! Don’t chute!

Kerry — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:03:30 +0000

Two simple rules for using the garbage chute:

DO put your dog poo down the chute.

DON’T put your dog, Pooh, down the chute.

(Thanks to Jason in Ottawa and Catherine in D.C. for submitting!)

related: Garbage chute entitlement

At least in prison they get to play basketball in the courtyard

Kerry — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 02:23:26 +0000

Unsurprisingly, Emily in D.C. says it took less than 24 hours for one her neighbors to call bullshit on the building management’s “exciting news.”

Meanwhile, this building in Columbus, Ohio — which submitter Andrew says is “really nice and fancy-looking” — appears to take the mullet approach to policing its public spaces. (Business in the front, party in the back!)

Adds Andrew: “I 100% believe that this note is legit. I work exactly one block away from where the sign was posted, and a few days ago, I went outside only to find my self interrupting someone who was pissing on our dumpster. We have caught people in the act of shitting in our parking lot, and have also received many “anonymous fecal gifts.”