Writes Randahl in Boise, Idaho: “I love me some Tapatío, and sometimes I forget to put it back in the fridge. My wife thought Mr. Tapatío should know his place.”

related: Eat it; love it. Got it?

Now that Girl Scout cookie season has ended — here in Texas, anyway — shit’s starting to get real.

related: Killer cookie dough

Rachel in New York City says one of her students proudly presented her with this card, adding, “I think it speaks for itself.”

related: Happy Valentine’s Day to the groaner upstairs

All alone this Valentine’s Day? Well…more Cheetos for you!

(Thanks to Brodie in Nova Scotia and redditor ajbollom. May they rest in peace.)

related: That’s just [sic]

Marcel in Montreal begins his story with the moral: “There are just some things you don’t mess with — vipers, rabid dogs, king cobras, black widows…and my mom.” His younger self, however, was far less wise. This is his tale.

For a long time, Marcel and his siblings had the irritating habit of drinking all the milk in the house late at night so that there was none left when their mother went to pour herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast the morning.

One day, Marcel and his siblings came home from school to find a batch of “the richest, most delicious brownies ever” sitting on the counter. Of course, they dug in immediately. But just as he was about to head to the fridge to pour himself a cold, tall glass of milk to wash down all that chocolate-y goodness, Marcel noticed this note from Mom hiding underneath the crumbs.

“Sacre bleu!” he cried, for sure enough, there was not a drop of milk to be found in the house. Leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind him, he ran as fast as he could to the nearest dairy farm, where, shortly before hitting send on this submission, he was eaten by a very hungry wolf.

“Both Marcel and the brownies,” the wolf wrote, “were fucking delicious.”

related: The Boy Who Forgot to Clear His Browser History

“Understand,” writes Beck in Philadelphia, “I love this city. Filth and all.” But he also had to give props to this guerilla PSA — done in the style of the Philly Tourism Board’s “with love” ad campaign — adding, “I regret not actually being able to photograph all the trash that really was on the ground.”

related: People of Philadelphia, these tomatoes are not for you!

Well, girls, I’d say you have at least few things in common…unfortunately for the rest of us.

related: Yes, this is from a college campus.

Stephanie in Las Vegas says this exchange started out as a sugary-sweet back-and-forth love-fest between initiated by her husband, Brian. Then, one day, Stephanie says, “Brian woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and his alter ego took over.” What a charmer, that Brian!

Not to worry, though— it was all in jest, and no women or toasters were harmed in the making of this note. In fact, Stephanie says, “It totally made my day.” And as far the unplugging the toaster thing goes, she says, “We kinda have an OCD thing about the chance of burning the house down…don’t ask.”

related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

extra credit: Knock Knock Fill-in-the-Blank Passive-Aggressive Note Pad

Though this may look like the the bloody rantings of a serial killer, Tino in Stuttgart, Germany says this was simply his flatmate’s way of stating his displeasure at the ongoing lack of parity in toilet-paper purchasing.

(Tino’s rough translation: YOU ASSES[,] BUY SOME TOILET PAPER.)

And my favorite part…

related: Comrades, take notice!