P.J. in Huntington, New York says his girlfriend found this note on the stairs “the morning after she came over dressed like a school girl.”

Meanwhile, P.J. leaves several questions unanswered in his explanation, among them…So, why did your your girlfriend come over to Mom’s house dressed like Britney circa 1998? How old is this girlfriend, relative to the age of a) an actual school girl and b) yourself? Is your mother, in fact, a cat?

Moral of the story: When dressing to impress, show your respect for Mom’s taste by dressing like something out a good porn movie. (I mean, Lauren, really, sexy school girl? So trite!)

related: (you know the book)

As Lachlan in Melbourne points out, for 4 and 6 years old these kids have pretty good writing skills (with the exception of that little “hyph:-colon”). But lawdy, kids today and their language!

Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh…

And in Philadelphia (as spotted by Tash, who is not a yuppie)…

related: The right to bear fruit

Chris in Providence brings us this show-stopper from the Computer Science department at Brown University. My head is still spinning a little bit.

Meanwhile, in Lake Forest, California…

related: the nerd’s guide to passive-aggressive behavior

Kellye from Huntsville, Alabama spotted these notes posted on boarded-up diner during last month’s G20 summit in Pittsburgh.

Explains Kellye: “The broken windows were caused by a few rowdy anarchists/drunk college kids from Oakland who apparently missed the mark in their defiance of the man. Since the vandals represented only a very small cross-section of protesters involved, other more local-friendly civil disobedients apparently saw fit to apologize for in their stead and offer their respectful patronage.”

related: silent protest

Jen in Tallahassee, Florida found this posted on the fridge in her synagogue’s kitchen. “We’ve tried many things to prevent missing food from this refrigerator,” Jen says. “we’ve even installed a lock so that only certain people with keys can get into the refrigerator…and yet, the problem continues.”

related: the PANtheistic approach

Daniel is Montreal says his dear grandmother sent him this card in the mail for his birthday. The front of the card (which didn’t scan very well) says: It is not what is visible on the surface but what is deep inside that sustains us.

Well, says Daniel, “that and guilt.”

related: Dear Grandma — thanks, I guess; How I “did” my grandma

Today’s post is dedicated to the dirty minds in the department of double entendres. (Hey there, commenters!)

The first note, as spotted by Dana in San Francisco, needs no further introduction.

Next up: Michelle in Orlando says this note was posted on the employee mailboxes at the theme park where she works. “Our uniforms include a vest made of wool,” Michelle explains, “and when the vests get wet they smell (fittingly) like wet animal.”

related: covering all the bases

Based on this Valentine — found by Matthew at his share house in London — I am citing Jane with a serious “misuse of mixtape” violation. (And “by the way,” talk about burying the lead!)

Jane, minxes like you are what keep the Seth Cohen/Landry Clarks of the world pining away for the unattainable Summer Roberts/Tyra Collettes of the world instead of making a go of it with the smart, punky, emotionally available girl with cute glasses who is so clearly the better choice. I reserve judgment on Gareth only because this note was found abandoned in a share house he no longer lives in, rather than being pressed into a scrapbook somewhere. Let’s hope he’s moved on from his infatuation with this unemployed little cock-tease.

related: Textbook Dmitri