Entries Tagged as 'xoxo'

I love you…but I love you more when you’re skinny.

February 11th, 2014 · 6 Comments

Writes Joshua in Salt Lake City: “This past year I’ve been trying to lose weight. It’s been up and down. Apparently my mother knows that.”

Happy Valentine's Day Josher! 'Skinny Josh Bag' Proud of you! What's the day without the candy bag...just 'Chew & Spit'

related: Mom is my favorite passive-aggressive Valentine

Tags: heart · hey fatty · Mother-son notes · Salt Lake City · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo

Señor Tapatío gets told.

March 3rd, 2013 · 47 Comments

Writes Randahl in Boise, Idaho: “I love me some Tapatío, and sometimes I forget to put it back in the fridge. My wife thought Mr. Tapatío should know his place.”

Mr. Tapatío

Dear Mr Tapatio, I hate your face. No matter how many times I put you back in the fridge you always reappear on the counter, kitchen table, dining table. You sir, are the herpes of my life. <3 Nicole XXOO

related: Eat it; love it. Got it?

Tags: fridge · heart · Idaho · love & marriage · xoxo

The female of the species

February 13th, 2013 · 31 Comments

All alone this Valentine’s Day? Well…more Cheetos for you!

Dear Brodie, If you forget to put an elastic band or bag clip on the crackers again, I will strangle you in your sleep. Love, Kelsey xoxo

 

Dear sweet sweet AJ, Drink all of my Sprite again and I'll rip your f*cking head off. xoxo, E

(Thanks to Brodie in Nova Scotia and redditor ajbollom. May they rest in peace.)

related: That’s just [sic]

Tags: heart · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · xoxo

The Boy Who Drank All the Milk: A first-world fable

January 23rd, 2013 · 60 Comments

Marcel in Montreal begins his story with the moral: “There are just some things you don’t mess with — vipers, rabid dogs, king cobras, black widows…and my mom.” His younger self, however, was far less wise. This is his tale.

For a long time, Marcel and his siblings had the irritating habit of drinking all the milk in the house late at night so that there was none left when their mother went to pour herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast the morning.

One day, Marcel and his siblings came home from school to find a batch of “the richest, most delicious brownies ever” sitting on the counter. Of course, they dug in immediately. But just as he was about to head to the fridge to pour himself a cold, tall glass of milk to wash down all that chocolate-y goodness, Marcel noticed this note from Mom hiding underneath the crumbs.

Maybe next time you'll think before you drink all the milk and don't replace it!! xoxo ? Mom

“Sacre bleu!” he cried, for sure enough, there was not a drop of milk to be found in the house. Leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind him, he ran as fast as he could to the nearest dairy farm, where, shortly before hitting send on this submission, he was eaten by a very hungry wolf.

“Both Marcel and the brownies,” the wolf wrote, “were fucking delicious.”

related: The Boy Who Forgot to Clear His Browser History

Tags: heart · milk · Moms & Dads · Montreal · Mother-son notes · signed with love · xoxo

The City of Brotherly Littering

January 7th, 2013 · 18 Comments

“Understand,” writes Beck in Philadelphia, “I love this city. Filth and all.” But he also had to give props to this guerilla PSA — done in the style of the Philly Tourism Board’s “with love” ad campaign — adding, “I regret not actually being able to photograph all the trash that really was on the ground.”

Dear Citizens, Thanks for expecting everyone else to clean up your litter. With Love, Philadelphia xoxo

related: People of Philadelphia, these tomatoes are not for you!

Tags: heart · littering · Philadelphia · signed with love · xoxo

Go home, boyfriend. You’re drunk.

October 11th, 2012 · 41 Comments

Bryce and his girlfriend Lindsay are an adorable couple. Need proof? One cozy night in, Bryce had a lil’ bit too much too drink. Unfortunately, the bathroom was occupied at the time, so he booted (adorably) in the sink…which happened to be full of unwashed dishes. The next morning, Lindsay found her favorite coffee mug filled to the brim with not-coffee. The result was Instagrammed.

Dear Bryce, Please accept this hand-painted, ceramic panda bear mug. Because you puked in it and now I never want to drink out of it again.  xoxo Lindsay

related: Going up?

extra credit: Mixed Message Coffee Mug

Tags: dishes · drizzunk · vomit · xoxo

Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 14th, 2012 · 52 Comments

xoxo, PAN

Happy Valentine's Day! Your morning sex woke me up. Keep it down, or I will continue to let all your neighbors know you're a groaner in bed. With love, your neighbour

related: Valentine’s Day break-up heartbreak

Tags: Calgary · heart · neighbors · sex sex sex · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo

Daddy dearest

January 19th, 2012 · 25 Comments

Writes Virginia in Sumner, Washington: “Going through a box of old photographs in the attic, I found this birthday card I gave my father when I was five or six. I was a terrible child.”

You should spend more time with me but I love you anyway. Happy Birthday Dad

related: Some daughterly wisdom for Dad

Tags: birthday · Father-daughter notes · guilt trip · heart · kids · signed with love · xoxo

XXX, Mum

November 12th, 2011 · 88 Comments

James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

related: “Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

Tags: "helpful" advice · Mother-son notes · Oops? · p.s. · sex sex sex · signed with love · U.K. · xoxo

Playing the terrorism card to justify your late-night karaoke dance party? Really?

September 25th, 2011 · 58 Comments

If it wasn’t obvious, Lorah in NYC says the response note here was most definitely a total lie. (The residents of 4B are musical theater actors, and sing-and-dance-a-thons are not uncommon events in their apartment.)

Please respect your neighbors. Any singing/dancing/noise after 11pm, management & police will be notified. -The Tenants

So sorry for all the commotion last night. We meant no disrespect by singing/dancing. A dear friend returned from overseas, fighting the war on terror. We had a celebration for his return. It would be a shame if you do not support our soldiers overseas. Please come see our apartment. It's red, white, and blue. NOW WHO'S THE TERRORIST?! <3 the residents of 4B xoxoxo

related: If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

Tags: heart · neighbors · New York · noise · non-apology apology · oh no you didn't · smartass · that's disrespectful · xoxo