Entries Tagged as 'xoxo'

Go home, boyfriend. You’re drunk.

October 11th, 2012 · 41 Comments

Bryce and his girlfriend Lindsay are an adorable couple. Need proof? One cozy night in, Bryce had a lil’ bit too much too drink. Unfortunately, the bathroom was occupied at the time, so he booted (adorably) in the sink…which happened to be full of unwashed dishes. The next morning, Lindsay found her favorite coffee mug filled to the brim with not-coffee. The result was Instagrammed.

Dear Bryce, Please accept this hand-painted, ceramic panda bear mug. Because you puked in it and now I never want to drink out of it again.  xoxo Lindsay

related: Going up?

extra credit: Mixed Message Coffee Mug

Tags: dishes · drizzunk · vomit · xoxo

Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 14th, 2012 · 52 Comments

xoxo, PAN

Happy Valentine's Day! Your morning sex woke me up. Keep it down, or I will continue to let all your neighbors know you're a groaner in bed. With love, your neighbour

related: Valentine’s Day break-up heartbreak

Tags: Calgary · heart · neighbors · sex sex sex · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo

Daddy dearest

January 19th, 2012 · 25 Comments

Writes Virginia in Sumner, Washington: “Going through a box of old photographs in the attic, I found this birthday card I gave my father when I was five or six. I was a terrible child.”

You should spend more time with me but I love you anyway. Happy Birthday Dad

related: Some daughterly wisdom for Dad

Tags: birthday · Father-daughter notes · guilt trip · heart · kids · signed with love · xoxo

XXX, Mum

November 12th, 2011 · 88 Comments

James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

related: “Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

Tags: "helpful" advice · Mother-son notes · Oops? · p.s. · sex sex sex · signed with love · U.K. · xoxo

Playing the terrorism card to justify your late-night karaoke dance party? Really?

September 25th, 2011 · 58 Comments

If it wasn’t obvious, Lorah in NYC says the response note here was most definitely a total lie. (The residents of 4B are musical theater actors, and sing-and-dance-a-thons are not uncommon events in their apartment.)

Please respect your neighbors. Any singing/dancing/noise after 11pm, management & police will be notified. -The Tenants

So sorry for all the commotion last night. We meant no disrespect by singing/dancing. A dear friend returned from overseas, fighting the war on terror. We had a celebration for his return. It would be a shame if you do not support our soldiers overseas. Please come see our apartment. It's red, white, and blue. NOW WHO'S THE TERRORIST?! <3 the residents of 4B xoxoxo

related: If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

Tags: heart · neighbors · New York · noise · non-apology apology · oh no you didn't · smartass · that's disrespectful · xoxo

Thanks for making me risk MY life to feed YOUR addiction!

December 27th, 2010 · 196 Comments

Writes Justin in Salem, Massachusetts: “It was the middle of the recent blizzard and we had gone for a drive in the worst of the weather (because that’s what you do for fun when you drive a Jeep) and decided to stop for a cup of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts” (because that’s what you do for fun if you’re a New Englander).

Upon arrival, Justin and his companion were greeted with this heartfelt note of congratulations from the Dunkin’ Donuts snowstorm staff (Rick).

YOU HAVE RISKED YOU'RE [sic] LIFE FOR A CUP OF COFFEE! Congrats xoxo  Love, The Dunk's Staff (Rick)

related: Dunkin’ Donuts Employee of the Month

Tags: "customer service" · coffee · driving · most popular notes of 2010 · signed with love · snow · xoxo · your/you're

Jukebox Justice

December 6th, 2010 · 82 Comments

Our submitter, a bartender in D.C., might not be the world’s biggest Mariah Carey fan, but when a group of customers put “All I Want for Christmas is You,” on the jukebox last Saturday night, he didn’t complain. But when the same group queued the song up again — three times in a row — he invoked his bartender’s privilege and skipped it. After all, he says, “It was DECEMBER 4th. I gave them their money back, but they still kept calling me ‘Grinch.’”

I have to step in here and note that, yes, that song is like crack — once you’re hooked, one hit is never enough. But that’s when you go home and spend the 99 cents to download it so you can indulge your addiction on endless repeat without coughing up a quarter every time. However, money management not being the forte of most addicts, at the end of the night the holiday-happy patrons left behind this oh-so-classy note in lieu of a tip.

Sorry for partying. Sorry we enjoy Christmas.

That very same weekend, meanwhile, Amy noticed that the bartender at one of her local haunts in Murrysville, Pennsylvania has taken a proactive approach to this particular problem. “Normally a super friendly place, I was sooo tempted to play ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ just to see what they would do.” (Instead, she held on to that feeling — privately — and took a picture.)

If you play

related: “You Can Call Me Arse”: A review of last night’s performance

extra credit: Jukebox Etiquette 101

Tags: a matter of taste · bar · Christmas · D.C. · heart · holiday spirit · music · non-apology apology · Pennsylvania · tipping · xoxo

“Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the darndest threats!”

July 27th, 2010 · 84 Comments

For the folks who found yesterday’s “do not come in” post a bit too “kids say the darndest things” precious, I figured I’d better even things out with a look at what happens when those neglected jealous siblings grow up…and get armed.

Exhibit A, spotted by Heather at a gas station in Gastonia, North Carolina

Attention thieves, rogues & no work scum: I sleep here (2) nights a week. Guess which two? My .50 cal 8 1/2 in. barrels and mean male rottweiler dog will be here to greet you. Love, Tom

Exhibit B, which Steve found pinned to a tree in Athens, Ohio (where, while visiting friends, he stumbled upon the property of the local necrophiliac farmer)

NO TRESPASSING I fuck dead people! Trespass here and I'll be fucking you too! xoxo

And lastly, Exhibit C, spotted by Dex outside a “fairly dilapidated” house in Raleigh, North Carolina

1. No loitering or trespassing on this side if I catch you I will hurt you. 2. NO TRESPASSING 3. Ignore this if you want to

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: crazypants · die bitch die · gas station · more aggressive than passive · North Carolina · not-so-veiled threats · Ohio · signed with love · xoxo

One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

May 25th, 2010 · 124 Comments

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Hi Sandra :) Since you hid the toilet paper I'm assuming you are hard hit on cash so here is a gift on me. Enjoy the free roll girl friend....  Liz :) xoxoxo

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

I was going to give you money for the ONE roll of toilet paper we ended up switching out. But I understand where you're coming from. A little passive-aggressive though.

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

Buy your own damn toilet paper.

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

Tags: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo

St. Patrick…the patron saint of Irish-Catholic guilt?

March 17th, 2010 · 72 Comments

“My mother-in-law is a devout Catholic,” our submitter says, “but my husband and sister-in-law do not hold the same beliefs” — much to the chagrin of their ever-guilt-tripping Mom. “We received this St. Patrick’s Day card addressed to my sister-in-law c/o my husband…even though she has her daughter’s address.”

Happy St Patty's Day! For my daughter who doesn't believe in anything anymore! Blessings of St. Patrick to you! Love and Peace and Joy, Your Mother! XOXO

related: theo(logical) fallacy

Tags: God · guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · signed with love · xoxo