Entries Tagged as 'smartass'
You might recall the letter that Bill and Mara received from a stranger informing that “no one cares about your damn wedding.” Despite Andrew from the Internet’s professed apathy, it seems he had enough time on his hands to not just comb through Bill’s blog, but Bill and Mara’s wedding guestbook as well.
Bill says a family member, mistakenly assuming that the guestbook entries could only be viewed by friends and family, left a note about having moved, including their new address. “We soon caught the message and removed the address,” Bill says, “but not before Andrew saw the page.”
![Dear [redacted], Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the internet. I saw that you posted your and your husband’s home address publicly on Bill and Mara’s awful little wedding website for the whole internet to see. Don’t do that. I mean you no harm, but there are people on the internet who might. Now, fingers crossed, hopefully all that will become of this is that you get this snarky letter from an anonymous stranger. But, if some nutcase came after y’all with ease because you were too lazy to send Bill and Mara an email or a letter with your home address, how would you feel? The internet is a big, scary place that anyone in the world can access. Don’t be stupid. Protect yourself by keeping private information private. GOOD LUCK P.S. Your address is 9TH AVE, not “9 Ave”. P.P.S. Kudos for knowing your zip 4 though. Dear [redacted], Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the internet. I saw that you posted your and your husband’s home address publicly on Bill and Mara’s awful little wedding website for the whole internet to see. Don’t do that. I mean you no harm, but there are people on the internet who might. Now, fingers crossed, hopefully all that will become of this is that you get this snarky letter from an anonymous stranger. But, if some nutcase came after y’all with ease because you were too lazy to send Bill and Mara an email or a letter with your home address, how would you feel? The internet is a big, scary place that anyone in the world can access. Don’t be stupid. Protect yourself by keeping private information private. GOOD LUCK P.S. Your address is 9TH AVE, not “9 Ave”. P.P.S. Kudos for knowing your zip 4 though.](http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8101/8620950592_5b4f83d15f_z.jpg)
related: My name is Andrew, and I’m from the Internet.
Tags: "helpful" advice · p.s. · smartass · weddings and bridezillas
We’ve received another report from our Back Bay informant, and it seems the stalemate with the tenant in 2D continues!

related: You’ve got mail!
Tags: Boston · going postal · public shaming · smartass
Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.






related: Death by a Thousand Puns
Tags: clip art catastrophe · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · office · smartass
In Manhattan, a shortage of pumpkin spice lattes triggered mayhem overshadowed only by an actual disaster.
In Minnesota, however, it seems that some folks still haven’t heard the news that “Pumpkin is the New Bacon.”At our submitter’s office in Minneapolis, a proffered can of pumpkin spice tea sparked a Midwestern snark-off, complete with smilies.

related: Grow an orange tree and grow up
extra credit: The Inescapable Pumpkin Spice Trend [thekitchn.com]
Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · note wars · office · smartass · smiley · tea
Writes our submitter in Canada: “Of the 12 people living the house, only three do any sort of cleaning or washing up. This was the result of several months of accumulated angst.”
![Dear household, I am suck of you discusting [sic] c*nts not washing up after your selfs [sic] you have one day to learn before you find your dirty dishes in bed with you. This includes pots, pans, cups, and tea pots. If you have a problem with that I am happy to discuss. Sincerely, Haarlem Haarlem, I like the way you think, let's discuss this further. Get your people to call my people and we'll do lunch. Love, Ben Dear household, I am suck of you discusting [sic] c*nts not washing up after your selfs [sic] you have one day to learn before you find your dirty dishes in bed with you. This includes pots, pans, cups, and tea pots. If you have a problem with that I am happy to discuss. Sincerely, Haarlem Haarlem, I like the way you think, let's discuss this further. Get your people to call my people and we'll do lunch. Love, Ben](http://farm9.static.flickr.com/8341/8155414316_5a3a480532.jpg)
related: I did the dishes. Where’s my cookie?
Tags: Canada · cleaning · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · runaway run-on sentences · smartass · spelling and grammar police
“About five months ago,” writes Catherine in Massachusetts, a new tenant moved in and began a new exercise regime: running back and forth in the building hallways. “His/her gait is rather lumbering and resonates throughout our apartment,” Catherine says. “We were startled at first, but have come to giggle over this frequent disruption. Apparently, one of our neighbors isn’t laughing.”

From there, things began to escalate. “Fortunately,” Catherine says, the ensuing flame war “just goes to show that most of our neighbors have a great sense of humor.”

related: The very delicate elevator
Tags: dogs · kids · Massachusetts · neighbors · noise · note wars · smartass
Our submitter, who works at a language school in France, isn’t 100% sure which one of the managers posted this on the staff board. However, there is one person he can think of who “has a fondness for long patronizing notes when a simple ‘please close the door’ would do.”
(just click the photo to enlarge)

related: Ceci n’est pas une porte
Tags: obnoxious definition · opening/closing · smartass · TL;DR
September 26th, 2012 · 37 Comments
Writes our submitter in Houston: “The secretary on our floor is never at her desk — so much, in fact, that she’s been reported numerous times. We recently got a new office copier and somehow she decided that she has ownership of it. Based on the note below, it looks like someone needed help and was a little frustrated that, once again, she couldn’t be located.” Aaaand troll mode activated!

Adds our submitter: “The secretary EXPLODED when she saw that someone had the nerve to touch her machine.”

related: My Secretary, Sybil
Tags: Houston · office · oh no you didn't · overzealous secretary · smartass · smiley · touching
September 17th, 2012 · 41 Comments
This heapsort arrived via an anonymous sender in Wellington, New Zealand. (Notice the menacing-looking knife at right…)

related: An ABP on the V8
Tags: confusion??? · New Zealand · office · smartass