Entries Tagged as 'smartass'

Good subs, bad subs

March 19th, 2014 · 71 Comments

Short, and if not necessarily sweet, it gets the point across. I think I’d have to give this sign a snarky thumbs up.

(don't) drop the bass

related: On jamming

Tags: music · neighbors · noise · smartass

Lettuce not praise blameless men

March 18th, 2014 · 98 Comments

Writes our submitter from the UK: “It seems that student living brings out the best in passive aggressive note-writers.”

Hello,  You left this piece of lettuce on the floor last week and I was wondering if you still wanted it? If you do you should maybe keep it in a safer place than the communal kitchen floor.  Just checking,  Alex from room A xxx

related: EAT ME!

Tags: college life · food · smartass

Trapped in the (Water) Closet

January 14th, 2014 · 53 Comments

Writes Robert in Redmond, Washington: “In our office, in this particular bathroom, at this particular urinal, there strikes a phantom pisser, who finds joy in covering the floor in front of the urinal 1/8 inch deep in piss — every single day. One coworker got fed up with this and posted the following series of sticky notes. Then some other coworkers then jumped in to add their own particular flair.”

Stop stinkling on the floor. You are an adult not a diaper-wearing baby man. Thank you —Your loving coworkers.

related: The Urinal Games

extra credit: Aziz Ansari on R. Kelly [youtube]

Tags: rebuttals · smartass · toilet · Washington state

Please, take me. Take me now.

December 2nd, 2013 · 33 Comments

Spotted by Elissa in Annandale, Australia:

I have been dumped by my idiot owners. Pls take me! (It's okay! You'll get over her! There are so many desks out there.)

related: Free coat rack, gently used

Tags: anthropomorphism · Australia · smartass

Sign, cosign…and off on a tangent

November 25th, 2013 · 35 Comments

Ever wonder how MIT undergrads spend their free time? Well, thanks to Benjamin in Boston, you have your answer:

Please make bigger signs. It will encourage people to read your signs.

related: How’s that for a group effort?

Tags: college life · dishes · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · smartass

My neighbor, the nihilist

October 13th, 2013 · 49 Comments

Hannah in Austin made the poster to the right — inspired by one of her favorite poets, Mary Oliver — and hung it in her window. A few weeks later, she woke up to find that her next-door neighbor had added a piece of his own.

ONE WILD PRECIOUS LIFE  - ONE BORING POINTLESS EXISTENCE

related: I have a problem with your window manners

Tags: Austin · neighbors · smartass

A high-concept take-down of Chicago-style politics

September 12th, 2013 · 49 Comments

Earlier this week, on her usual walk to work across the UChicago campus, Lauren noticed a board topped by a cement block covering an open manhole. Then other day, however, she walked past the same spot to find this ingenious work of civic protest/prankery.

Dear residents of South Blackstone Ave,  Thank you for your many phone calls and personal appeal to city workers. We are finally able to address your concerns regarding this unsecured manhole.  After several months of careful review, we have decided that a few crappy pieces of wood hastily nailed together and light enough for any curious eight year old boy to move, is sufficient to guarantee everyone’s safety.  Please understand that currently, various departments of the city are operating under budget cuts, including the C.D.M.C. (Chicago Department of Manhole Covers). This department is severely understaffed with only two-hundred and fifty workers to answer phones and another fifty to replace missing manhold covers. WE do have one brand new manhole cover which fits this very opening. However, it is designated “reserve” manhole cover and is not available for actual use.  Regardless, our safety engineers assure us that an unsecured hold large enough for a grown man to fit in, poses no danger to small children or pets. Therefore, it will remain exactly like this from now on and forever. Please take care to get used to this situation and try your best not to break your f*cking leg in the winter when the ground is covered with a foot of snow.  Office of the Mayor,  Rahm Emanuel  Removing this sign or any sign bearing the City of Chicago seal, carries a penalty of two years in prison and a fine of $300,000

Adds Lauren: “I’m most impressed by the obvious work involved in the sign’s construction, but bonus points are due for capturing the speaking style of our salty mayor.” (And yes, Lauren says: Chicago’s city seal really does include the image of a baby floating on a cloud.)

Dear residents of South Blackstone Ave,  Thank you for your many phone calls and personal appeal to city workers. We are finally able to address your concerns regarding this unsecured manhole.  After several months of careful review, we have decided that a few crappy pieces of wood hastily nailed together and light enough for any curious eight year old boy to move, is sufficient to guarantee everyone’s safety.  Please understand that currently, various departments of the city are operating under budget cuts, including the C.D.M.C. (Chicago Department of Manhole Covers). This department is severely understaffed with only two-hundred and fifty workers to answer phones and another fifty to replace missing manhold covers. WE do have one brand new manhole cover which fits this very opening. However, it is designated “reserve” manhole cover and is not available for actual use.  Regardless, our safety engineers assure us that an unsecured hold large enough for a grown man to fit in, poses no danger to small children or pets. Therefore, it will remain exactly like this from now on and forever. Please take care to get used to this situation and try your best not to break your f*cking leg in the winter when the ground is covered with a foot of snow.  Office of the Mayor,  Rahm Emanuel  Removing this sign or any sign bearing the City of Chicago seal, carries a penalty of two years in prison and a fine of $300,000

related: Governor of California to State Senate: “Get Stuffed.”

Tags: Chicago · most popular notes of 2013 · raging against the machine · smartass

Raging against the (vending) machine

August 28th, 2013 · 19 Comments

Writes Katy in Tampa: “The vending machines in my office are old, and they eat someone’s money at least once a week. The vending machine guy told us to put a sticky on the machine saying how much money you lost and he’ll refund it when he comes to fill the machine. Apparently the machine was hungry this week.”

Um...You might want to stop putting money in here!  Just a thought.

So, that was two weeks ago. Katy just wrote again with a follow-up: “Since the vending machine company has ignored our pleas to fix the machine, the notes just keep on coming.”

  I didn't lose any money, I just want to feel included. I didn't lose any money also, but I need to make my car payment - $275.00 Skip

related: The Candyman Can’t

Tags: money · office · smartass · Tampa · vending machine drama

Failure to Yeild

August 14th, 2013 · 81 Comments

“My spelling skills are a perpetual work in progress,” admits Kelly in Calgary. “When I told my sticky-note-happy coworker about my most recent spelling mistake caught by my boss, she decided to take action.”

YIELD — i before e except after c...bla bla blah — yIELd - IE  — yield yield yield

related: A personal pet peive

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Calgary · i before e · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Free creamer!

June 26th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Writes our submitter in Florida: “My husband walked into his office breakroom to find this note. He immediately went back to his desk to write a response, but by the time he made it back to the fridge, he found that someone else had beat him to it.”

If you want to borrow my creamer PLEASE ask!!! Do not take it upon yourself to take it!!!

FREE CREAMER! Just grab out of bag

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Florida · office fridge · smartass