PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » smartass http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 …and then there’s the glass half-full approach. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/01/just-say-no-to-whimsical-fonts/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/01/just-say-no-to-whimsical-fonts/#comments Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:57:13 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20901 There’s the typical New York City note…

"Please do not unplug the coffeemaker" "PLEASE DO NOT USE WHIMSICAL FONTS"

And then there’s the Willamette Valley way…

Well, at least it's not Papyrus.

related: Completely valid rebuttals

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/01/just-say-no-to-whimsical-fonts/feed/ 44 It’s not a chore; it’s a date! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/16/sad-cleaning-reality/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/16/sad-cleaning-reality/#comments Tue, 17 Jan 2012 02:58:38 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20853 Spotted by Kathy at her office lunchroom in Seattle:

1: Hate to state the obvious...But-Your Mother doesn't work here...Please clean up after yourselves 2: Mom never really did much cleaning. She was kind of a drunk. 3: it shows...

The real sad reality?

 

related: You sure nag like my mother…

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/01/16/sad-cleaning-reality/feed/ 19 Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh” http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/11/meh-christmas/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/11/meh-christmas/#comments Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:55:37 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19983 In Joe’s Tuscaloosa neighborhood, a lot of folks go all-out with their Christmas decorations. While driving around the other night admiring the various Griswold-style scenes, Joe was especially amused to stumble upon this outlier.

MEH

Perhaps they took inspiration from the house below on the right?

<---- DITTO

related: Providing a “friendly holiday spirit”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/12/11/meh-christmas/feed/ 43 The Toilet Paper Manifesto http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/14/toilet-paper-manifesto/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/14/toilet-paper-manifesto/#comments Mon, 14 Nov 2011 06:58:10 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19750 When four people share one bathroom, true equity in toilet-paper purchasing is nearly impossible to come by without conflict.

Just take a look at the opening salvo issued at Laura’s apartment in Georgia:

Clearly, you use the bathroom, which means that you use the 12 rolls of toilet paper I bought a week ago. And you bought 4. Really? Is this okay in the eyes of baby Jesus? Equality is important in today's society. Do you know who doesn't like equality? TERRORISTS. TERRORISTS DO NOT LIKE EQUALITY.

…and the first response:

I've started using my own toilet paper. Sorry for any confusion.

Your move, “Scott.”

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/14/toilet-paper-manifesto/feed/ 90 Why can’t I turn this toaster on? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/08/toaster-troubles/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/08/toaster-troubles/#comments Wed, 09 Nov 2011 03:48:06 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19736 Instead of letting the Facilities Dept. know that the toaster was broken, the folks in Catherine’s office opted to collaboratively solve the problem Apollo-13 style, using only the paper products found in the office supply cabinet.

The major difference? This time, failure was an option.

Won't heat up. (Maybe it's just not that into you?) It's not plugged in! (Even plugged in it doesn't work!)

related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/08/toaster-troubles/feed/ 59 Happy National Sandwich Day! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/03/happy-national-sandwich-day/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/03/happy-national-sandwich-day/#comments Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:10:36 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19725 Would you care to furnish the last line of this haiku?

Who stole my sandwich! (Could it be the) SANDWICH THIEF!!

related: Sandwich guilt

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/03/happy-national-sandwich-day/feed/ 80 The very delicate elevator http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/24/this-will-damage-elevator/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/24/this-will-damage-elevator/#comments Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:39:00 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19624 Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

DO NOT HOLD DOOR!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR! DO NOT HOLD LIGHT SWITCH!!!

DO NOT HOLD WATER FOUNTAIN LEVER!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/24/this-will-damage-elevator/feed/ 52 Playing the terrorism card to justify your late-night karaoke dance party? Really? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/25/playing-the-terrorism-card-to-justify-your-late-night-karaoke-dance-party-really/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/25/playing-the-terrorism-card-to-justify-your-late-night-karaoke-dance-party-really/#comments Mon, 26 Sep 2011 01:09:09 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19447 If it wasn’t obvious, Lorah in NYC says the response note here was most definitely a total lie. (The residents of 4B are musical theater actors, and sing-and-dance-a-thons are not uncommon events in their apartment.)

Please respect your neighbors. Any singing/dancing/noise after 11pm, management & police will be notified. -The Tenants

So sorry for all the commotion last night. We meant no disrespect by singing/dancing. A dear friend returned from overseas, fighting the war on terror. We had a celebration for his return. It would be a shame if you do not support our soldiers overseas. Please come see our apartment. It's red, white, and blue. NOW WHO'S THE TERRORIST?! <3 the residents of 4B xoxoxo

related: If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/25/playing-the-terrorism-card-to-justify-your-late-night-karaoke-dance-party-really/feed/ 58 A little bump and slide http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/30/bump-and-slide/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/30/bump-and-slide/#comments Wed, 31 Aug 2011 00:37:12 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19273 According to our submitter, this car hasn’t been spotted in the path since.

THANKS FOR ALWAYS PARKING ACROSS THE PATH. IT GIVES ME THE CHANCE TO BE A MOVIE STAR & SLIDE ACROSS YOUR HOOD NOW & THEN. TRY IT, IT'S AWESOME!

related: BAD PARK YOU!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/30/bump-and-slide/feed/ 67 Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0 http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/22/wrath-of-the-ancients/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/22/wrath-of-the-ancients/#comments Mon, 22 Aug 2011 22:58:01 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19229 At Summer’s office in Austin, there are a few known “soakers” who constantly leave their dirty dishes in their sink. Apparently, the office soothsayer has had about enough of this practice.

(click the image below to enlarge)

Do not leave dirty dishes in the sink. The wrath of the ancients will fall upon your head. You will be cursed and misery will accompany you for your remaining days. You will constantly trip over things that are not there. The IRS will audit you. Your dog will run away at the sight of you. Your shoelaces will not stay tied. Mysterious clowns will seem to always be watching you. Rabid squirrels will invade your home. Your food in the work refrigerator will mysteriously spoil (and only yours. No one else's.) Your car will start making the expensive knocking/tapping sound and NO ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES EVER AGAIN.

P.S. I kinda have a crush on this sign.

related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/22/wrath-of-the-ancients/feed/ 47 No “cat parts” in the sink http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/11/cat-parts/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/11/cat-parts/#comments Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:31:01 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19178 Our submitter found the following signage at an engineering office in Salt Lake City, Utah. Adds our submitter: “For the life of me I can’t figure out what ‘cat parts’ is supposed to refer to — or why people would need a note to know it’s not appropriate to leave them in the kitchen sink.”

[Note 1:] Please Do Not Leave "cat parts" in the sink. Thanks. [Note 2:] Then we need a designated cat parts receptacle. Where else am I supposed to put my leftover cat parts?

P.S. When I did a quick Google Image Search for “cat parts,” I ended up here:

related: “Place feral cats in box”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/08/11/cat-parts/feed/ 33 Help Desk Shenanigans http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/28/is-this-your-hair-band/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/28/is-this-your-hair-band/#comments Fri, 29 Jul 2011 00:29:08 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18987 Writes Bri in St. Paul, Minnesota: “I work at a University help desk that employs mostly students. Since their shifts are short, they have a habit of leaving all kinds of random things at the desk, much to the chagrin of many of my co-workers” — and the devilish glee of others.

[Left:] Is this your hair band? Or chap stick? [Right:] No, this is my hair band!

related: How is your eyes?

extra credit: Venn diagram of “shenanigans” [boingboing.net]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/28/is-this-your-hair-band/feed/ 24 Death by a Thousand Puns http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/06/27/death-by-a-thousand-puns/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/06/27/death-by-a-thousand-puns/#comments Tue, 28 Jun 2011 02:41:51 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18853 Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/06/27/death-by-a-thousand-puns/feed/ 39 Ikea’s Danegr chair, never a bestseller, has since been recalled http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/29/danegr-chair/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/29/danegr-chair/#comments Fri, 29 Apr 2011 21:27:26 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18221 “Smooth move, Ferguson!” he said with a snort, his laughter echoing down the empty hallway. He started to walk on, then stopped short. That tuna-salad sandwich can wait, he thought. This was the English Department, after all — someone should be keeping up appearances! With that, the graduate student made an abrupt about-face, scurrying back to the tiny office he had just left to compose a suitable caps-locked rejoinder.

This, he could already tell, would be the highlight of his week.

Ikea's Danegr chair, never a bestseller, has since been recalled

Author’s note: The chair above was spotted by Ben in a hallway of the English Building (oh, the shame!) at the University of Cincinnati. Adds Ben: “I don’t know how you write a note with only a few words on it, all of them huge, and mess one up so badly.”

related: Childrens can learn!

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