Our submitter, who works at a language school in France,  isn’t 100% sure which one of the managers posted this on the staff board. However, there is one person he can think of who “has a fondness for long patronizing notes when a simple ‘please close the door’ would do.”

(just click the photo to enlarge)

related: Ceci n’est pas une porte

Writes our submitter in Houston: “The secretary on our floor is never at her desk — so much, in fact, that she’s been reported numerous times. We recently got a new office copier and somehow she decided that she has ownership of it. Based on the note below, it looks like someone needed help and was a little frustrated that, once again, she couldn’t be located.” Aaaand troll mode activated!

Adds our submitter: “The secretary EXPLODED when she saw that someone had the nerve to touch her machine.”

related: My Secretary, Sybil

This heapsort arrived via an anonymous sender in Wellington, New Zealand. (Notice the menacing-looking knife at right…)

related: An ABP on the V8

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.”

Instead, the notes left by the victims have turned into an ongoing office-wide joke.

And the latest contribution…

related: Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

“My best friend works at a hospital as a RN,” Jesse writes, “and one day, after a ridiculously long shift, she reached into the breakroom candy dish expecting, well, candy, and got a handful of pushpins instead. She wrote this note because a) she’s a smartass and b) to warn others.”

Jesse continues: “Minutes later, a doctor came in, reached into the candy dish, and popped one into his mouth. Then he spit it out, exclaiming, ‘This isn’t candy!’ My friend looked at him, and with a straight face said, ‘That’s why the note is there, Doctor.’ He looked down, read the note, and promptly left the room.”

Adds Jesse: “But seriously, what kind of troll puts push pins in a candy dish?”

related: THIS IS A CANDY-OPTIONAL OFFICE

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

There’s a vending machine troll on the loose in Chicago!

related: The Candyman Can’t

There’s the typical New York City note…

And then there’s the Willamette Valley way…

related: Completely valid rebuttals