Entries Tagged as 'smartass'

…and then there’s the glass half-full approach.

February 1st, 2012 · 47 Comments

There’s the typical New York City note…

"Please do not unplug the coffeemaker" "PLEASE DO NOT USE WHIMSICAL FONTS"

And then there’s the Willamette Valley way…

Well, at least it's not Papyrus.

related: Completely valid rebuttals

Tags: Comic Sans Alert · most popular notes of 2012 · New York · Oregon · smartass

It’s not a chore; it’s a date!

January 16th, 2012 · 19 Comments

Spotted by Kathy at her office lunchroom in Seattle:

1: Hate to state the obvious...But-Your Mother doesn't work here...Please clean up after yourselves 2: Mom never really did much cleaning. She was kind of a drunk. 3: it shows...

The real sad reality?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqDzKad2Q3M

 

related: You sure nag like my mother…

Tags: cleaning · office · rebuttals · Seattle · smartass · Your mother doesn't...

Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

December 11th, 2011 · 43 Comments

In Joe’s Tuscaloosa neighborhood, a lot of folks go all-out with their Christmas decorations. While driving around the other night admiring the various Griswold-style scenes, Joe was especially amused to stumble upon this outlier.

MEH

Perhaps they took inspiration from the house below on the right?

<---- DITTO

related: Providing a “friendly holiday spirit”

Tags: Alabama · Christmas · most popular notes of 2011 · smartass

The Toilet Paper Manifesto

November 14th, 2011 · 90 Comments

When four people share one bathroom, true equity in toilet-paper purchasing is nearly impossible to come by without conflict.

Just take a look at the opening salvo issued at Laura’s apartment in Georgia:

Clearly, you use the bathroom, which means that you use the 12 rolls of toilet paper I bought a week ago. And you bought 4. Really? Is this okay in the eyes of baby Jesus? Equality is important in today's society. Do you know who doesn't like equality? TERRORISTS. TERRORISTS DO NOT LIKE EQUALITY.

…and the first response:

I've started using my own toilet paper. Sorry for any confusion.

Your move, “Scott.”

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: college life · Georgia · gloriously redundant · Jesus · p.s. · rebuttals · roommates · signed with love · smartass · toilet paper · visual aids

Why can’t I turn this toaster on?

November 8th, 2011 · 59 Comments

Instead of letting the Facilities Dept. know that the toaster was broken, the folks in Catherine’s office opted to collaboratively solve the problem Apollo-13 style, using only the paper products found in the office supply cabinet.

The major difference? This time, failure was an option.

Won't heat up. (Maybe it's just not that into you?) It's not plugged in! (Even plugged in it doesn't work!)

related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

Tags: kitchen · note wars · office · Oregon · smartass · toaster

Happy National Sandwich Day!

November 3rd, 2011 · 80 Comments

Would you care to furnish the last line of this haiku?

Who stole my sandwich! (Could it be the) SANDWICH THIEF!!

related: Sandwich guilt

extra credit: Lunch Bugs Anti-Theft Sandwich Bags

Tags: food · London · office fridge · smartass · stealing

The very delicate elevator

October 24th, 2011 · 52 Comments

Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

DO NOT HOLD DOOR!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR! DO NOT HOLD LIGHT SWITCH!!!

DO NOT HOLD WATER FOUNTAIN LEVER!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Cincinnati · elevator · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · smartass

Playing the terrorism card to justify your late-night karaoke dance party? Really?

September 25th, 2011 · 58 Comments

If it wasn’t obvious, Lorah in NYC says the response note here was most definitely a total lie. (The residents of 4B are musical theater actors, and sing-and-dance-a-thons are not uncommon events in their apartment.)

Please respect your neighbors. Any singing/dancing/noise after 11pm, management & police will be notified. -The Tenants

So sorry for all the commotion last night. We meant no disrespect by singing/dancing. A dear friend returned from overseas, fighting the war on terror. We had a celebration for his return. It would be a shame if you do not support our soldiers overseas. Please come see our apartment. It's red, white, and blue. NOW WHO'S THE TERRORIST?! <3 the residents of 4B xoxoxo

related: If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

Tags: heart · neighbors · New York · noise · non-apology apology · oh no you didn't · smartass · that's disrespectful · xoxo

A little bump and slide

August 30th, 2011 · 67 Comments

According to our submitter, this car hasn’t been spotted in the path since.

THANKS FOR ALWAYS PARKING ACROSS THE PATH. IT GIVES ME THE CHANCE TO BE A MOVIE STAR & SLIDE ACROSS YOUR HOOD NOW & THEN. TRY IT, IT'S AWESOME!

related: BAD PARK YOU!

Tags: car · most popular notes of 2011 · parking · reverse psychology · smartass

Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0

August 22nd, 2011 · 47 Comments

At Summer’s office in Austin, there are a few known “soakers” who constantly leave their dirty dishes in their sink. Apparently, the office soothsayer has had about enough of this practice.

(click the image below to enlarge)

Do not leave dirty dishes in the sink. The wrath of the ancients will fall upon your head. You will be cursed and misery will accompany you for your remaining days. You will constantly trip over things that are not there. The IRS will audit you. Your dog will run away at the sight of you. Your shoelaces will not stay tied. Mysterious clowns will seem to always be watching you. Rabid squirrels will invade your home. Your food in the work refrigerator will mysteriously spoil (and only yours. No one else's.) Your car  will start making the expensive knocking/tapping sound and NO ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES EVER AGAIN.

P.S. I kinda have a crush on this sign.

related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

Tags: Austin · dishes · most popular notes of 2011 · not-so-veiled threats · office · smartass