Entries Tagged as 'smartass'

Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0

August 22nd, 2011 · 47 Comments

At Summer’s office in Austin, there are a few known “soakers” who constantly leave their dirty dishes in their sink. Apparently, the office soothsayer has had about enough of this practice.

(click the image below to enlarge)

Do not leave dirty dishes in the sink. The wrath of the ancients will fall upon your head. You will be cursed and misery will accompany you for your remaining days. You will constantly trip over things that are not there. The IRS will audit you. Your dog will run away at the sight of you. Your shoelaces will not stay tied. Mysterious clowns will seem to always be watching you. Rabid squirrels will invade your home. Your food in the work refrigerator will mysteriously spoil (and only yours. No one else's.) Your car  will start making the expensive knocking/tapping sound and NO ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES EVER AGAIN.

P.S. I kinda have a crush on this sign.

related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

Tags: Austin · dishes · most popular notes of 2011 · not-so-veiled threats · office · smartass

No “cat parts” in the sink

August 11th, 2011 · 33 Comments

Our submitter found the following signage at an engineering office in Salt Lake City, Utah. Adds our submitter: “For the life of me I can’t figure out what ‘cat parts’ is supposed to refer to — or why people would need a note to know it’s not appropriate to leave them in the kitchen sink.”

[Note 1:] Please Do Not Leave "cat parts" in the sink. Thanks. [Note 2:] Then we need a designated cat parts receptacle. Where else am I supposed to put my leftover cat parts?

P.S. When I did a quick Google Image Search for “cat parts,” I ended up here:

related: “Place feral cats in box”

Tags: cats · kitchen · office · rebuttals · Salt Lake City · smartass · Utah · WTF?

Fly girls

August 8th, 2011 · 38 Comments

Kassandra in Nevada was waiting for her order at a local coffee shop when she noticed this series of flyers on the bulletin board. Adds Kass: “Who knew there would be such offense taken by a fly fishing class for women?”

Women's Fly Fishing Clinic: Fly fishing basics taught by women, for women.

Men's Fly Fishing Clinic: Fly fishing taught by men. Way better than that other one!

Fly's Fishing Clinic: Fly's fishing basics taught by Fly, for Flies

related: Vegan vs. carnivore corkboard showdown

Tags: battle of the sexes · Nevada · saga · smartass

Help Desk Shenanigans

July 28th, 2011 · 24 Comments

Writes Bri in St. Paul, Minnesota: “I work at a University help desk that employs mostly students. Since their shifts are short, they have a habit of leaving all kinds of random things at the desk, much to the chagrin of many of my co-workers” — and the devilish glee of others.

[Left:] Is this your hair band? Or chap stick? [Right:] No, this is my hair band!

related: How is your eyes?

extra credit: Venn diagram of “shenanigans” [boingboing.net]

Tags: college life · Minneapolis/St. Paul · smartass

Death by a Thousand Puns

June 27th, 2011 · 39 Comments

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

Tags: Australia · cleaning · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · smartass · spoons

Ikea’s Danegr chair, never a bestseller, has since been recalled

April 29th, 2011 · 45 Comments

“Smooth move, Ferguson!” he said with a snort, his laughter echoing down the empty hallway. He started to walk on, then stopped short. That tuna-salad sandwich can wait, he thought. This was the English Department, after all — someone should be keeping up appearances! With that, the graduate student made an abrupt about-face, scurrying back to the tiny office he had just left to compose a suitable caps-locked rejoinder.

This, he could already tell, would be the highlight of his week.

Ikea's Danegr chair, never a bestseller, has since been recalled

Author’s note: The chair above was spotted by Ben in a hallway of the English Building (oh, the shame!) at the University of Cincinnati. Adds Ben: “I don’t know how you write a note with only a few words on it, all of them huge, and mess one up so badly.”

related: Childrens can learn!

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Cincinnati · college life · rebuttals · smartass · warning

Well, Randy Newman? Let’s hear you write an Oscar-winning song about a dirty sponge.

March 1st, 2011 · 40 Comments

Kate in Los Angeles likened this office post-it pile-on to “the Toy Story of the office kitchen — when you’re away, all of the inanimate objects start talking.”

So…Dreamworks, Pixar — let’s talk options, shall we? (“It’s Toy Story meets The Office — a guaranteed hit in all four quadrants!)

related: The paper towels want a voice in where they live, okay?

Tags: anthropomorphism · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2011 · saga · smartass · sponges

This thing is mine!

February 24th, 2011 · 72 Comments

Mara’s office kitchen in New York City is shared by over 50 people, but they don’t play by kindergarten rules. (Yoohoo, Elaine? You might have a kindred spirit up in here.)

Pitcher: This is my pitcher, Not your Pitcher. Do not take what is not yours. Your mother would be very disappointed in you. Box: THIS THING IS MINE! IT'S NOT YOURS! I PUT IT HERE TO MAKE SURE THE SPACE IN THE KITCHEN WASN'T LEFT OPEN FOR EVERYBODY AS IT'S INTENDED. I DESERVE THIS SPACE MORE THAN YOU, SO HANDS OFF MY RANDOM THING!

related: Everything else in the refrigerator belongs to everybody else.

Tags: guilt trip · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sharing is caring · smartass

In the words of former President Bush (Yale ’68): “Childrens can learn!”

February 20th, 2011 · 45 Comments

Nope, it’s not just a West Coast thing — you can has exemplary higher education all over the country!

To wit: Marybeth spotted this totally [sic] bulletin board at Central Connecticut State University back in 2006.

HOW IS YOUR EYES? My eyes? My eyes [is] great. Yours [is] not so great.

related: Yes, this is from a college campus.

Tags: college life · Connecticut · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Signed, R. Mutt

February 12th, 2011 · 35 Comments

What’s wrong with America today? If you ask Jason in Los Angeles, it’s people who don’t return their shopping carts. At least, that’s the action that prompted this note (which was originally attached the the upright cart itself).

Do you really have to be this ghetto, trashy, and lazy? Take your carts back so this apartment doesn't look like trash.

That note, in turn, inspired this Dadaist creation:

It's ART now. Happy? ya Bitch! —Santa

related: Untitled (Broken Glass)

Tags: art · Los Angeles · neighbors · smartass · that's trashy