Entries Tagged as 'smartass'

What, no padlock?

January 9th, 2011 · 116 Comments

“Our receptionist is uber-paranoid about her stuff getting stolen, despite the fact that we are one of the rare offices where fridge theft isn’t a problem,” writes our anonymous submitter in South Carolina. “Though I’d be too scared to do it myself — the woman has a very nasty, underhanded side — I love that someone else decided to have a little fun with her.”

[Note 1:] Every thing in this drawer belongs to Elaine. Do NOT use or steal anything in here - It is for me - Elaine [Note 2:] Everything else in this refrigerator belongs to everybody else. It belongs to everybody else. Thank you, Everybody Else

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · office fridge · smartass

Warning: Beware of banana peels, falling anvils, and wet paint

November 16th, 2010 · 54 Comments

“I’m sure they didn’t actually paint the toilet seats,” says Brett in Syracuse. And yet, he says, when he saw this sign posted by a former co-worker, “I couldn’t stop laughing about the idea that that’s what got her.”

Thank you for the sign stating there would be wet paint in the bathroom! (Yes! This IS passive aggressive!)

Perhaps a few signs like this (as spotted by Madeline at her university’s art studio) would have made for a proper rebuttal?

I'm not sure if this is wet

Maybe you should touch it.  That's what you do with wet paint, right?

related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

Tags: bathroom · college life · meta · office · sarcasm · smartass · thanks (but not really)

Please, contain your excitement.

November 2nd, 2010 · 78 Comments

“My office just got a new style of paper which has caused quite the stir,” says our submitter in Seattle. “It’s made from forested trees, or something like that, so obviously we can’t wait to use it.”

THE OLD OFFICE DEPOT PAPER IS TO BE USED FIRST.

PS - Please use it mostly for printing signs about which paper to use first.

related: Nothing fosters community like shared network printers!

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · meta · Seattle · smartass

It’s called “performance art.”

October 12th, 2010 · 59 Comments

Based on this example — spotted by Erin in the employee restroom of an AT&T Store in Los Angeles — I think the Kiwis have a clear edge over us Yanks…at least when it comes to smartass bathroom snark.

If you need to extract dried mucus from your nose, please use a tissue. The bathroom walls are not the place for them. [Response 1:] It's called

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

extra credit: National stereotypes according to Google Autofill [buzzfeed.com]

Tags: art · bathroom · nose-picking · retail hell · smartass

Well, that seems (uri)logical enough.

October 4th, 2010 · 50 Comments

Today’s dose of bathroom humor is brought to you by our submitter, Johnny in New Zealand, with the contributions of two anonymous would-be Conchords.

Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it causes [blockages] the flavour to go horrible. This urinal tastes horrible even without the gum!

related: The yogurt’s expired. Run for your lives!

Tags: all clogged up · New Zealand · smartass · toilet

Live and not-so-active roommate culture

August 22nd, 2010 · 78 Comments

Elana in North Rustico, Canada spotted this tart exchange inside her friend Shannon’s fridge.

Shannon, no doubt hoping to avoid getting called out for interfering with her roommate’s yogurt supply, wrote the first note. Her roommate Michael, perhaps taking issue with the note’s mildly patronizing tone, fired back with his own written retort. And as for the yogurts? Yup, still in the fridge.

These yogurts expired July 24 Today is Aug 12. What should we do? Run for our lives

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: Canada · fridge · most popular notes of 2010 · rebuttals · roommates · smartass · yogurt

Excuse me, I’m here to file a restraining order on behalf of my house plant

July 20th, 2010 · 40 Comments

“My next-door neighbor has some problems with controlling her rage,” says Guy in Austin. So when the apartment manager wouldn’t force her upstairs neighbors to take down their bird feeder — on the grounds that the resulting bird crap from above constituted plant harassment — she wasn’t about to let the issue drop quietly.

I cannot have my plants because the person upstairs is harrasing [sic] my plants + me.
I cannot have my plants because the person upstairs is harrasing [sic] my plants + me.

Meanwhile, Lucas brings us this report of a uncontrollable botanophile on the loose at his office in Toronto.

Stop molesting my plant! (I can't help it, it feels so good!)

Tags: Austin · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors · rebuttals · smartass · Toronto

What exactly are you trying to say?

March 20th, 2010 · 127 Comments

Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California).

Thank you sooo much for your kind consideration. I hope you enjoy it. And decide to join

Not so at Rocky‘s office in Austin, Texas…but office drama is never too hard to find in the shared fridge.

Please take one (or two) -Thanks  Are you saying I'm FAT?

Of course, you don’t even have to be a sentient being to fall into a similar trap.

If you’ve shopped online at Amazon.com lately, you might have noticed that they’ve starting suggesting using a custom “PayPhrase” to speed up express checkout. After placing a recent order, Rosalie in Seattle did a double-take when she saw the phrase Amazon picked for her.

Rosalie's huge ones

related: Sweet & Lowdown

Tags: food · kinda creepy · office fridge · smartass · stealing · WTF?

Snark-itti

January 5th, 2010 · 106 Comments

We can’t all be Banksy, but sometimes all it takes is a small, well-placed bit of vandalism to brighten your day. Take this example from Emily in Philadelphia:

Psychic's storefront for lease (Bet you coulda predicted that)

Or this one, spotted by Scott at a certain tech company headquarters in Mountain View, California:

This is not an entrance

Which leads me to wonder…are there really no smart-mouthed vandals in Portsmouth, New Hampshire (where Ian spotted this sign) ballsy enough to challenge this proclamation from the local ice rink?

You mean, like, sitting?

related: who’s the smartass?

Tags: oh snap · smartass

Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

December 9th, 2009 · 262 Comments

Sarah in London found this note — and the cheeky response — posted in the lobby of her former apartment building.

“Entry to the flats is by way of a concrete outside walkway,” she explains. “Unfortunately, if someone has noisy heels, the sound tends to reverberate throughout the building.”

When you come home in the early hours of the morning (2:45 am) can you please NOT make so much noise going down the main balcony with your stilettos and then slamming your street door. The problem with living in a block of flats is that you have neighbours that should be considered.  [response] Dear Complainer, We sincerely apologise for not being able to hover across the balcony in our very noisy stilettos. We will in future attempt to be home at 2:44 and if late fly across the main landing or teleport into our flat. Lovingly, Bramber residents

Of course, the above complainer isn’t the only person who has a problem with stilettos…a.k.a. “fucking shoes”?

STOP PLEASE NO Fucking Shoes or Heels In My House! Or Leave! I don't care who you are!! Have some respect for My House Damnit! What!!! Say Some thing!! Thank you!!! :)

related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

Tags: door-slamming · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · London · neighbors · noise · rainbow-colored · shoes · signed with love · smartass · that's disrespectful