PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » smiley

Karma Police

Kerry — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:16:27 +0000

This is what you get when you mess with us:

In other words: You’re a creep. You’re a weirdo. What the hell are you doing here? You don’t belong here!

(Thanks to Bonnie from North Carolina, Eric in California, and Paperback Writer in Pittsburgh for their submissions!)

The parenthetical smiley says it all

Kerry — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 02:26:07 +0000

Writes our submitter in Dallas: “My ex-roommate is possibly THE most passive-aggressive person I’ve ever met. We’ve reconciled, mostly, but we still have our moments. For example, just after Christmas, she was going out of town and wanted me to look after her cat. She used the same e-mail as an opportunity to say thank you for the Christmas gift my girlfriend and I gave her.

Sunday night laundry room showdown

Kerry — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 02:00:25 +0000

Emily in Michigan happens to go to the university with the largest residence hall system in the U.S., and the Sunday-night scene in the dorm laundry room can be, well, a bit of a shit show.

This is the scene Emily came across one such Sunday:

And underneath…

(Adds Emily: “The laundry room is very clean, but I guess some people need a little extra.”)

The saga continues when an innocent bystander jumps in to make nice…

Meanwhile, the instigator of all this is not the smiley face type.

(just click the image above to enlarge it)

God may love you, but I can’t speak for the rest of the office

Kerry — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 00:02:12 +0000

Various religious-themed notes have been popping up all over our submitter’s workplace in Phoenix, Arizona. “Several co-workers have found these messages in their offices, stuck in between papers, and written on whiteboards,” she says, but so far no one has come forward to claim authorship.

One of most recent notes showed up in the office kitchen one morning.

Another note turned up beside it sometime after lunch.

Another air freshener fracas

Kerry — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 23:32:27 +0000

“My supervisor posted this notice in the ladies’ restroom in the lobby of our office,” says our submitter in Louisiana, “but it was directed solely at me.” (One of the more vocal anti-air freshener employees on staff, our submitter’s desk happens to be located immediately outside the restroom.)

Despite the fact that, as our submitter put it, “that Summer Breeze crap smells like a giant migraine,” her boss declared that “Lemon Peel is a ‘masculine scent’ more suited for the men’s room.” Adds our submitter: “I still haven’t figured out the identities of all these people who are lamenting the absence of the Summer Breeze.”

extra credit: “How ‘fresh’ is air freshener?” [Time.com]

The old “wipe & walk” trick

Kerry — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 03:04:26 +0000

Option a) “Hey, Iva, could you buy some TP? We’re out.”

Option b) Several weeks of seething funneled into eight six colored markers’ worth of heart exclamation point smiley THREAT heart heart.

And the winner is…

Gee, Bell, that IS funny, cuz you really threw me off with that “I hope you had a nice day!! <3 ” shit. (I’M ACTUALLY KIDDING. I WILL CUT YOU.)

In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…

Kerry — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:12:27 +0000

Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

related: Recession incentive plan

Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

Kerry — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 02:43:39 +0000

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

(Not that we’re bitter or anything.)

Kerry — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 01:41:03 +0000

Our submitter spotted this cheery notice during the “Going out Business” sale at a Blockbuster Video in Colorado. (Bankruptcy will do that you, I guess.)

extra credit: Blockbuster goes bankrupt, Netflix shares soar

extra extra credit: “Borders: No Restrooms. Try Amazon.“

Warning: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

Kerry — Tue, 10 May 2011 20:18:54 +0000

I don’t ever condone passive-aggressive note-writing, but you should be warned: hard-core Diet Coke drinkers do not fool around. (Trust me — I’m a recovering addict myself.)

related: Enough with the diet sodas!

Some relationship advice from your roommate

Kerry — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 03:25:16 +0000

Vanessa in Baton Rouge can vouch that that the state of her friend Charles’s bathroom and boudoir is “perpetually dirty.” Oddly, though, “of all the times I’ve been over to Charles’ apartment with his girlfriend, I’ve never, ever seen his roommate.”

(Which makes me wonder…could this note from Charles’s “roomie” actually have been written by said girlfriend? I’m not sure which scenario would be more passive-aggressive.)

And this is my fault…how?

Kerry — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 03:41:02 +0000

Okay, so I’ve gotta give Scott credit here. I know I’m not the only driver who’s had the frustrating experience of returning to your parked car to find some mysterious new dent or scratch with the perpetrator long gone and no note in sight. Or perhaps you’ve been on the other side of things, and justified not leaving a note because the idiot had parked too damn close or in an non-legal parking spot or whatnot.

And yet, says our puzzled submitter, “I was pulled fully into a parking space, well within the white lines, with space on both sides. Why does he try to ‘kind of’ make it my fault?”

(I’m guessing it’s because he’s “kind of” passive-aggressive.)

Of course, I’d say that’s still preferable to receiving a note from someone who’s “kind of” a total asshole…

Bad dog! Stop that! Right now!

Kerry — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 01:16:40 +0000

When I read this landlord’s note…

…this is roughly the image that came to mind:

Anyone else?

The Orchid (and Daffodil and Begonia) Thief

Kerry — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 19:43:51 +0000

Maya in the U.K. spotted this magnanimous display on a garden wall on her way home, in a neighborhood “that must be simply full of hundreds of passive-aggressive middle class Brits.” Says Maya: ”I was tempted to steal the daffodils myself, but refrained.”

Meanwhile, Greg’s neighbor in Washington, D.C. decided to go with even an more straight-ahead guilt-trippy approach.

Lastly, Fern spotted this scarily upbeat FYI while vacationing in Key West, Florida. (Adds Fern: “We think the flower just died.”)

P.S. Before settling for a ho-hum Susan Orleans reference, I must admit that when writing this post, I tried — and failed — to come up with an worthy Wordworths-riffing title. In light of my lack of inspiration, I was especially delighted by this bit of brilliance from shwo! in the comments section:

I wandered slyly as a thief
Who flows on low o’er gutter spills,
When all at once I saw a leaf,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the porch, beneath the trees,
I think I will be stealing these.