Entries Tagged as 'smiley'

Love, Numb Nuts

February 20th, 2012 · 44 Comments

Ty — an innocent bystander in this situation — saw this reply note taped to the door of his apartment building in Omaha. “I LOVE it!’ says Ty. Me too, Ty. Me too.

Polite neighbor — Thank You for that lovely note reminding me how crappy my car is...but just for you, I just spent more $ than my car is worth to fix it!! So sleep tight :) Love, Numb Nuts P.S. I really am sorry that you had to hear it. I know how annoying it is, but next time be a little nicer...please.

related: Save the earth, kill the kids?

Tags: car · heart · neighbors · Omaha · p.s. · smiley · thanks (but not really)

Karma Police

January 12th, 2012 · 55 Comments

This is what you get when you mess with us:

If you "attempt" to throw something away & miss or if the trashcan is already full & you pile it on top, or if the bag has fallen in & you don't fit it & just add your disgusting garbage to it, then WE HATE YOU! Don't worry about who "WE" are, just worry about cleaning up after yourself. IT IS BAD KARMA to leave your trash lying around!!! <3 the karma police have a nice day! :)

In other words: You’re a creep. You’re a weirdo. What the hell are you doing here? You don’t belong here!

SODA in H2O cups is BAD KARMA

Please help prevent bad karma: DO NOT flush feminine hygiene products.  Place in waste basket.  Thank you, Management.

(Thanks to Bonnie from North Carolina, Eric in California, and Paperback Writer in Pittsburgh for their submissions!)

 

related: Karma’s a bitch.

Tags: Coke · garbage · have a nice day · karma's a bitch · smiley · toilet

The parenthetical smiley says it all

January 5th, 2012 · 60 Comments

Writes our submitter in Dallas: “My ex-roommate is possibly THE most passive-aggressive person I’ve ever met. We’ve reconciled, mostly, but we still have our moments. For example, just after Christmas, she was going out of town and wanted me to look after her cat. She used the same e-mail as an opportunity to say thank you for the Christmas gift my girlfriend and I gave her.

Thanks to you both for the bag; it was lovely. (Might want to get the clearance tag all the way off though first, next time. :) )

related: Thanks for saving me the trouble of writing a thank you note!

Tags: mean girls · smiley · thanks (but not really)

Sunday night laundry room showdown

December 12th, 2011 · 114 Comments

Emily in Michigan happens to go to the university with the largest residence hall system in the U.S., and the Sunday-night scene in the dorm laundry room can be, well, a bit of a shit show.

This is the scene Emily came across one such Sunday:

Sunday night laundry room showdown

And underneath…

Whoever took my clothes out of this dryer: It takes me HOURS to do laundry. I sanitize every washing machine + dryer with Lysol before I use it, + take great pains to not let my clothes touch anything in this room

ESPECIALLY the floor or table. By dumping my clean laundry on the table, you have completely disrespected my property + privacy (seriously, don't touch someone's underwear?!?) Please don't touch other people's shit again.

(Adds Emily: “The laundry room is very clean, but I guess some people need a little extra.”)

The saga continues when an innocent bystander jumps in to make nice…

While I understand and respect where you're coming from, I do not understand why you would let your clothes sit in the dryer for 15+ minutes when the laundry room is clearly backed up. In other words, be respectful and promptly take care of your shit. :)

Meanwhile, the instigator of all this is not the smiley face type.

To the person who left their clothes in the dryer forever

(just click the image above to enlarge it)

related: To whoever violated my laundry…

Tags: college life · guilt trip · laundry · Michigan · non-apology apology · note wars · rebuttals · smiley · that's disrespectful · touching

God may love you, but I can’t speak for the rest of the office

October 16th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Various religious-themed notes have been popping up all over our submitter’s workplace in Phoenix, Arizona. “Several co-workers have found these messages in their offices, stuck in between papers, and written on whiteboards,” she says, but so far no one has come forward to claim authorship.

One of most recent notes showed up in the office kitchen one morning.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless

Another note turned up beside it sometime after lunch.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless Poor grammar has no place in the Lord's Kingdom. :)

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again.

Tags: God · irregular capitalization · office · Phoenix · smiley · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

Another air freshener fracas

September 29th, 2011 · 121 Comments

“My supervisor posted this notice in the ladies’ restroom in the lobby of our office,” says our submitter in Louisiana, “but it was directed solely at me.” (One of the more vocal anti-air freshener employees on staff, our submitter’s desk happens to be located immediately outside the restroom.)

Despite the fact that, as our submitter put it, “that Summer Breeze crap smells like a giant migraine,” her boss declared that “Lemon Peel is a ‘masculine scent’ more suited for the men’s room.” Adds our submitter: “I still haven’t figured out the identities of all these people who are lamenting the absence of the Summer Breeze.”

To whomever is removing the Staples Summer Breeze Dry Air Freshener and replacing it with the Staples Lemon Peel Dry Air Freshener: Please stop doing this immediately; it seems as though [?] prefers the Summer Breeze. Several have complained about it disappearing. Thank you in advance.

related: Please spray your corpses BEFORE placing them in the restroom

extra credit: “How ‘fresh’ is air freshener?” [Time.com]

Tags: a matter of taste · bathroom · Louisiana · message to all intended for one · odor · office · smiley

The old “wipe & walk” trick

September 21st, 2011 · 117 Comments

Option a) “Hey, Iva, could you buy some TP? We’re out.”

Option b) Several weeks of seething funneled into eight six colored markers’ worth of heart exclamation point smiley THREAT heart heart.

And the winner is…

Dear Iva, I hope you had a nice day!! :) When I moved in, I bought 6 rolls of TP & a giant tissue box. Heather bought 6 more TP rolls & the paper towel box. Unless for some reason you do not shit, pee, or wash your hands, you have used all of those things.  THEY ARE GONE. Please replenish these items by Thursday latest. If you don't, Heath & I will continue buying those things, but we will keep them in our rooms for when WE would like to pee. That sounds really funny and everything but I'M ACTUALLY NOT KIDDING. We appreciate it!! heart heart Bell

Gee, Bell, that IS funny, cuz you really threw me off with that “I hope you had a nice day!! <3 :)” shit. (I’M ACTUALLY KIDDING. I WILL CUT YOU.)

related: One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

Tags: heart · mean girls · not-so-veiled threats · rainbow-colored · roommates · signed with love · smiley · toilet paper

In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…

August 18th, 2011 · 77 Comments

Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you

related: Recession incentive plan

Tags: all-staff e-mail · California · fired · now that's management · smiley · your/you're

Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

July 11th, 2011 · 91 Comments

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

TEDD'S GODDAMN FUCKING RICE

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · smiley

(Not that we’re bitter or anything.)

June 12th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Our submitter spotted this cheery notice during the “Going out Business” sale at a Blockbuster Video in Colorado. (Bankruptcy will do that you, I guess.)

Out of order...why don't you try NETFLIX for a restroom :) STAFF

related: Thanks for not shopping here — we’re closed FOREVER!

extra credit: Blockbuster goes bankrupt, Netflix shares soar

extra extra credit: “Borders: No Restrooms. Try Amazon.

Tags: "customer service" · bathroom · smiley