Entries Tagged as 'smiley'

The neighborhood warning wagon

September 28th, 2010 · 157 Comments

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

Welcome to our neighborhood, I just wanted to let you know, that your house has been over the years had really bad police reports on late nigh beer parties! (10 PM to almost all night) Please keep in mind that this neighborhood will not tolerate "late night parties" Which includes: yelling, talking loud on back porches and your back yard and loud friends that visit! Especially this Labor Day Weekend! I understand that you college kids like to drink and have fun, but! After 10 PM if noise is too loud, police will be called, there are alot of elderly, kids and families in this area that will not tolerate this bullshit! I know Bill Mills very well (BC College) and if you guys "act up"! Calls will be made! Please show some respect in our neighborhood and keep the noise level low! If not! Police will be called! Have a good school year and be good neighbors, ok?

(P.S.) THIS INCLUDES

related: Passive voice abuse

Tags: alot · beer · Boston · CAPS LOCK · college life · crazypants · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · I'm telling on you! · kids today · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · noise · p.s. · passive voice · smiley · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks" · warning · You call that punctuation?

The most inane thing since sliced bread

September 8th, 2010 · 76 Comments

Really, folks? You share a kitchen and a bathroom, and this is all you’ve got to complain about?

::sigh:: White bread problems…

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in a fridge. You can't REFRIDGERATE [sic] TOAST!

Matt if you crinkle anymore [sic] bread I will put those pieces in your bed :)

(Thanks to Sarah Jane in Australia and Michelle in Canada for submitting!)

related: Is this a thing now?

extra credit: Toasted Toast Post-it Notes [Amazon.com]

Tags: Australia · bread · roommates · siblings · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Waterloo

What do God, recycling, and ultramarathons have in common?

August 9th, 2010 · 62 Comments

Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

Nothing with personal information on it! Everything else! I have to run 100k marathon, you bitches can recycle. It's God's Way. :)

related: Al Gore knows

Tags: Arizona · crazy boss · God · recycling · smiley · WTF?

Sibling rivalry: the rift that keeps on giving

July 8th, 2010 · 41 Comments

Catie in Indianapolis was over at the house of her boyfriend’s family’s house when she spied this adorable-looking note on the fridge. Upon further investigation, she learned it was written by her boyfriend’s 7-year-old niece as a gift to her grandparents. Adds Catie: “I saw these girls in action over the weekend, and I think the fourth line actually overstates her feelings for her sisters.”

I love [Grandma] I love Mommy. I love Daddy. I like my sisters. I love [Grandpa].

I only hope the kid’s family holds on to her note until she’s old enough to be embarrassed/amused by her young self. As it happens, Sarah in Waco, Texas recently had the opportunity to do just that.

While cleaning out boxes after her grandmother passed away, she stumbled upon a thank you note she had written to her grandparents years earlier. (“In my defense,” Sarah says, “my brother never did write his own thank you note.”)

Dear Gramp and Gran, Thank you for the $20 (twonty) [sic] dollars you have me and Scotty. I don't know when Scott is making a Thank you note. Lots of Love, Sarah Lake (Wally's dauter [sic])

related: Dear Mommy, I love you…sometimes.

Tags: family · Indianapolis · nice stationery · siblings · signed with love · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Texas

One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

May 25th, 2010 · 124 Comments

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Hi Sandra :) Since you hid the toilet paper I'm assuming you are hard hit on cash so here is a gift on me. Enjoy the free roll girl friend....  Liz :) xoxoxo

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

I was going to give you money for the ONE roll of toilet paper we ended up switching out. But I understand where you're coming from. A little passive-aggressive though.

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

Buy your own damn toilet paper.

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

Tags: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo

My parents pay $51,000 a year for this Ivory Tower, and I’m not going to leave it without a fight.

May 18th, 2010 · 134 Comments

Our submitter, P, is a sophomore at a certain university in upstate New York (the one that typically ties with Penn for the Ivy League university most people forget is actually in the Ivy League).

Students are moving out of the dorms this week, P says, so facilities management locked the building’s garbage chute to prevent it from overflowing. “Instead, residents are supposed to take the trash to a dumpster that’s a couple of feet away from the building — we even have an elevator!”

But what if your sense of entitlement is like, too heavy to make it to that elevator? Hello, note war!

I pay $51,000 a year to go to this school. I'm not walking my garbage downstairs when there is a fully functioning garbage chute behind this door. It will be in the hall waiting for you :)

Don't you understand that a facilities management person is going to have to carry all of your trash outside? Do you really think they get the $51,000 'YOU' pay? It doesn't matter how entitled you think you are, no one should have to deal with your mess or pick up after you. I would be so ashamed to call someone like you a friend or acquaintance. Unbelievable.

related: At Oberlin, that $48,000 a year doesn’t include toilet paper.

extra credit: What not to wear in Ithaca [Ivygate]

Tags: college life · garbage · Ithaca · just an asshole · note wars · smiley

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but mind your own damn business.

May 11th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Our Bay-Area submitter returned from lunch one day to find this note from an anonymous concerned coworker.

“I’ll admit that I’ve gained about 15 pounds recently,” she says. However, “At 4’11 and normally around 95 pounds, even with the extra 15 I’m still within an acceptable weight range for my height.” But the real kicker, says our submitter?

“I’m also 5 months pregnant. I just haven’t made a big deal about it by talking incessantly about it or demanding special treatment like I’m God’s gift to the world just because I got myself knocked up.”

Please don't take this the wrong way, I am just concerned for your health. Have you considered Weight Watchers? I lost 20lb that way!!! We even have a program here at work. Tues @ Noon - hope to see you there! :)

(So, uh, I think that’s a no, she won’t be seeing you there.)

related: I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

Tags: "helpful" advice · Bay Area · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2010 · office · oh no you didn't · preggers · smiley · the best of intentions

Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry

April 23rd, 2010 · 116 Comments

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Their Sink, My Sink, Your Sink It's against our wishes if you soak your dishes cause the sink's not a soaking place. Quick! Scrub 'em clean-make 'em really gleam. Watch a 'thank you!' smile appear on every face. So don't walk away- don't soak it- just clean it! (Wash it right now! You can finish in a minute!) Cause it's not just your sink, it's their sink and my sink. Please be considerate.  Don't clutter the sink by leaving your items to soak. THANK YOU!

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

A Poem  Wash your dishes It's not that hard You weren't born in a barn Or a stable, or a yard  The sink is too small To have dishes build up It's really not complicated  To wash a small cup  Your housemates aren't your servants Or your keepers, or your mothers Those who wash their own things Needn't worry about the others  When there's only one of something Please keep that in your mind In the sink and dirty Makes things really hard to find  We know we love each other That's nothing to deny So wash your freaking dishes Or I'll stab you in the eye :)

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Please be a dear and do your dishes here for if you do not, the house will be wrought with people dismayed by the mass that's displayed and hence are not able  to dine at the table for lack of clean wishes  restricts their good wishes

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

Soaking Cup Haiku  Dried flecks of cat food Circling the rim of the cup Oh - it's your oatmeal.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

Tags: Atlanta · clip art catastrophe · college life · D.C. · dishes · office · pure poetry · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · TL;DR · Winston-Salem

Ford Motor Company’s interesting new guerilla marketing campaign

April 6th, 2010 · 66 Comments

Who needs a “Powertrain warranty”? According to this Connecticut notewriter, if you buy a Ford, you get a lifetime worth of diplomat-worthy parking privileges!

Inconsiderate Driver,  You drive a piece of shit CHEVY that doesn't even deserve one parking spot, let alone two. It would be greatly appreciated if you only took up one parking spot, or simply bought a FORD b/c Chevys suck. Thanks :)

Confession: I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 27. I am a terrible parker. (I am slow, but I try.) If only I had bought a Ford!

related: The Mini Cooper owner’s dilemma — “Save the earth, kill the kids?!

extra credit: “Chevy” [urbandictionary.com]

Tags: car · Connecticut · parking · smiley · unsolicited feedback

Scottish blinking balls

April 1st, 2010 · 92 Comments

I don’t know what this note is really about — Shane in Dallas just said he found it on the bulletin board in his apartment building — but I know I definitely won’t be stopping by #2913 to “talk” it over.

(It just, uh, doesn’t sound like my scene.)

To the Person who has two of our blinking garden balls, taken from #2913... Don't forget, we still have 5 more ...wouldn't want you to not to have a complete set! These came from Scotland. Why don't you stop by, and we'll "talk" it over....? :)

related: you can have the inflatable bananas

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · kinda creepy · neighbors · smiley · WTF?