Entries Tagged as 'spelling and grammar police'

You’re a good student, but not my best speller

November 23rd, 2011 · 69 Comments

Writes Mrs. McMahon in Melbourne, Australia: “One of the students in my class decided to make a a big card for World Teachers Day and have it signed by all her peers in our grade. When I read this message, I could not stop laughing.”

Dear Mrs. McMahon, Your [sic] a good teacher, but not my most favourite.

related: Teacher appreciation letters from first graders

Tags: Australia · kids · Melbourne · schools & teachers · your/you're

What am I, the office sugar mama?

October 31st, 2011 · 111 Comments

Writes Heather in Kentucky: “I keep a basket of candy on my desk, but after having my candy basket completely cleaned out during the night shift on several occasions, I started locking it in my boss’s office overnight.”

A few mornings later, she arrived at her desk to find this oh-so-thoughtful note from one sugar-deprived night-shift worker.

Heather, Hope your [sic] feeling better! Noticed your candy basket is missing so I got you a new one to fill.

related: This is a candy-optional office

Tags: "helpful" advice · candy · Kentucky · office · your/you're

God may love you, but I can’t speak for the rest of the office

October 16th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Various religious-themed notes have been popping up all over our submitter’s workplace in Phoenix, Arizona. “Several co-workers have found these messages in their offices, stuck in between papers, and written on whiteboards,” she says, but so far no one has come forward to claim authorship.

One of most recent notes showed up in the office kitchen one morning.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless

Another note turned up beside it sometime after lunch.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless Poor grammar has no place in the Lord's Kingdom. :)

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again.

Tags: God · irregular capitalization · office · Phoenix · smiley · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

Perhaps your boss is due for a little chat with HR?

September 28th, 2011 · 31 Comments

The sign to the left was posted by the boss at an office in Oneonta, New York. (Adds our submitter: “He claims the spelling was autocorrected by Word.”)

Without even getting into the finer points of what might constitute a “hostile work environment,” I think it’s safe to say that encouraging your employees to commit suicide isn’t the best management technique.

IF YOU ARE NOT INTELLEGENT [sic] ENOUGH TO RINSE OUT THE EMPTIES, PLEASE KILL YOURSELF NOW.  [response:] What about not being able to spell

(Of course, some managers might disagree.)

You don't call retarded people retards. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded.

related: Signs you might be stuck in a soul-sucking job

Tags: a little insensitive · crazy boss · die bitch die · more aggressive than passive · New York · now that's management · rebuttals · recycling · spelling and grammar police · that's irresponsible

Oh, sure, blame it on the crackhead.

September 6th, 2011 · 56 Comments

Take it from Whitney, kids: “Crack is whack.” (And it makes you an easy scapegoat for pretty much anything and everything.)

From Akron, Ohio:

The crackhead theives [sic] have been busy stealing our stuff, inside + out. Please report all crackhead sightings to SPD [phone number redacted]

From Toronto:

DEAR CRACKHEADS: Please don't steal the empty porn cases. They don't have much of a street value, and since crack/heroin renders you impotent anyways, we really don't see the logic in your decision making abilities. Big Kiss. 7/24 Staff

From New York City:

To the Crackhead who samshed in my windows

From Pueblo, Colorado:

Billboard

From Phoenix:

The fucking neighborhood Crack Head stole my broke down wore out mat bike what will the Dumb Ass Steal of yours next

From Seattle:

dear crackheads: please stop being crackheads. you thank

And lastly, from South London:

Squirrels on Crack

related: So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · drugs · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal

In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…

August 18th, 2011 · 77 Comments

Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you

related: Recession incentive plan

Tags: all-staff e-mail · California · fired · now that's management · smiley · your/you're

Nobody puts Baby in Dance Detention

August 16th, 2011 · 98 Comments

J.T. got a kick out of this permission slip, which his co-worker had to sign before her 17-year-old son was allowed to go the first high school dance of the year. (Apparently “leave room for Jesus” just doesn’t cover it these days.)

I’m loving the concept of “dance detention,” but the name of the high school is really the cherry on top.

LIBERTY HIGH SCHOOL DANCE RULES: If you are removed from the dance, you will go to 'dance detention' until one of your parents in contacted.

related: You looking pretty is clearly more important than our friendship!

extra credit: The world’s largest dance detention performance [youtube]

Tags: oh the irony · schools & teachers · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

Must have the precious…

August 2nd, 2011 · 44 Comments

Amy and her cousin were enjoying a casual stroll in Toronto when they noticed this note in a neighbor’s garden — a note which Amy says left her with far more questions than answers.

I’d have to agree with Amy that the stand-out line here is the one towards the end about whether the tomato thief ever makes racist or ageist remarks. (Because…huh?)

Adds Amy: “The lack of grammar made me think that ‘young people’ were a new racial group. And why does the note-writer beg the thief to at least return ONE of the stolen tomatoes  — because it’s so precious? And is the last line a threat of being infected by Asian lily beetle poison? I don’t get it!”

To the Tomato Thief: YOU WIN. I will never plant tomatoes again. The plant is in the compost where it will help me. Since you took all 4 of the first tomatoes of the season (the most precious), could I have the one left? (the plant isn't healthy so there won't be more. I trust you never speak ill of young people or other racial groups as you are a terrible role model to anyone in your family.  *(My soil is infected with the Asian lily beetle - a voracious eater, so careful)

related: People of Philadelphia, these tomatoes are not for you!

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · spelling and grammar police · Toronto · WTF?

Beware of argumentative farm animals!

June 19th, 2011 · 63 Comments

This indignant note nearly made Mike [sic] with laughter when he saw it posted in the lobby of his apartment building in Surrey, B.C.

(Oh, those Canadians — so hilarious! Even when they’re not trying to be!)

Attention Neighbours!!!!!!! There is a discussing [sic] PIG among us. Someone is leaving bags and bags of garbage in our hallway and stairwell. This has been recurring in the last few weeks and must be stopped! These bags were large garbage bags that were fully, smelly, and already had flies coming from them. Whoever you are, I am watching out for you! And now, so too will your neighbours! You should be ashamed of yourself! If you are this dirty, I am sure your apartment is also a reflection of that. I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHO LIVES IN THIS BUILDING, THAT WE DON'T WANT FLIES, COCROCHES [sic] OR ANY BUGS ASSOCIATED WITH IMPROPER HYGENE [sic]! Or people like you! GROW UP! Signed, A responsible member of society!!!!!!

related: A note from Dirty Lady #2

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · grow up · hygiene · neighbors · odor · public shaming · spelling and grammar police

Colonel Mustard? Meet Major Peteve.

June 9th, 2011 · 71 Comments

“As far as I know,” says Meagan in Ohio, “my boss, an early-40s white lady named Sandee, is a native English speaker.” I made sure to double-check with Meaghan on this, because, well — just read the thing.

As everyone knows major peteve of mine open wine bottles in cooler goes in a certain spot.

As Meagan points out, her boss “does not seem to understand that the pet peeve is the thing you shouldn’t do…or that ‘peteve’ is not a thing…or really, anything. How could you hit ‘print’ on this?”

Except to underline the fact that Meagan’s place of employment is a winery — one where open bottles of wine seem have to have a tendency to be strewn about willy-nilly — I must say I have no idea.

related: My pet peeve

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · now that's management · spelling and grammar police · WTF? · You call that punctuation?