Entries Tagged as 'spelling and grammar police'

Fetch. Roll over. DON’T SIT.

July 14th, 2010 · 75 Comments

Amanda in Charlestown, Mass. lives in a three-story home with an apartment on each floor and a shared patio out back. “Our downstairs neighbor is notorious for leaving us notes  — ‘Don’t slam the door,’ ‘The patio is not a storage area,’ etc. — but this note topped them all,” Amanda says. ”Oh, and she clearly cannot spell.”

Just wanted to let you guys know that I bought all the furnature [sic] out back. It is not for you to use. Thanks [redacted]

related: Thank you for not using my grill again

Tags: Massachusetts · neighbors · nice stationery · sharing is caring · spelling and grammar police

Sibling rivalry: the rift that keeps on giving

July 8th, 2010 · 41 Comments

Catie in Indianapolis was over at the house of her boyfriend’s family’s house when she spied this adorable-looking note on the fridge. Upon further investigation, she learned it was written by her boyfriend’s 7-year-old niece as a gift to her grandparents. Adds Catie: “I saw these girls in action over the weekend, and I think the fourth line actually overstates her feelings for her sisters.”

I love [Grandma] I love Mommy. I love Daddy. I like my sisters. I love [Grandpa].

I only hope the kid’s family holds on to her note until she’s old enough to be embarrassed/amused by her young self. As it happens, Sarah in Waco, Texas recently had the opportunity to do just that.

While cleaning out boxes after her grandmother passed away, she stumbled upon a thank you note she had written to her grandparents years earlier. (“In my defense,” Sarah says, “my brother never did write his own thank you note.”)

Dear Gramp and Gran, Thank you for the $20 (twonty) [sic] dollars you have me and Scotty. I don't know when Scott is making a Thank you note. Lots of Love, Sarah Lake (Wally's dauter [sic])

related: Dear Mommy, I love you…sometimes.

Tags: family · Indianapolis · nice stationery · siblings · signed with love · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Texas

I am embarrassed for you!

June 22nd, 2010 · 62 Comments

If the writer of this public service announcement had Angela‘s gall, she would have printed up flyers and handed them out to offenders in person. Instead, she (and yes, I’m making the outrageous assumption here that it’s a she) just posted it in the elevator of her Columbia University dorm…without spell-checking her work first. People, seriously?

Unless, of course, this was all part of a larger prank pairing the phone number of some unsuspecting victim with this oh-so-compelling pitch (“learn how this will improve your LIFE + GRADES”) and placing it within easy firing range of drunk college students. Then, well…then you’d be an even bigger arsehole.

People, Seriously! You Dress Like SLOBS I am embarrassed For You! [Phone number redacted] (when calling, always begin with reading the sign) Questions on how to dress better and to learn how this will improve your LIFE + GRADES

related: A little advice for the ladies

Tags: attire · bad sales pitch · college life · New York · spelling and grammar police · Too good to be real? · unsolicited feedback

Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

June 9th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

The pigs Female and male that pi on the Elevator we know who they are. Next time we are taking the police to your house.  Super

Due to the countless people hopping the moment the elevator car stops, we have found it is necessary to install new elevators.  While work is in progress, please remind yourselves that the laws of physics are not to be trifled with, and please use the other two fully functioning elevators.

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

Tags: elevator · piss · spelling and grammar police · the po-po

Violent (but amusing) threats

June 6th, 2010 · 76 Comments

So, which of these warnings would most readily scare you into compliance?

Exhibit a) from an alley in York, U.K.

If I find out who is leting their dog shit out side my house I will personaly [sic] ripp [sic] there [sic] heads off and their dogs and shit in their necks!! This not a threat it's a promis [sic]! I am watching! God help you if I catch you!

Exhibit b) from a sharehouse in Australia

I swear to god if you write one more fucking note I am going to get that wad of notepaper and and shove it so far up your ass you're going to be sneezing shopping lists for the rest of your life. I hope you get papercuts and DIE!

or Exhibit c) spotted by Robert on a film shoot in Los Angeles?

LABEL YOUR GOSH DARNED WATER BOTTLES OR I'LL DROP YOU OFF THE HIGH TURRET AND REMOVE YOU AS A FACEBOOK FRIEND

related: Wishin’ and hopin’

Tags: Australia · CAPS LOCK · die bitch die · God · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police

Stupid is as stuiped does

May 26th, 2010 · 79 Comments

CT and his friends were driving home from the beach when they stopped at a gas station in Luverne, Alabama and found this posted next to the men’s bathroom.

“The ‘Danger!’ sign below was apparently the first attempt to keep people from opening this door,” says CT. “God only knows what’s behind it. I’m assuming this door of unspeakable power continued to get opened, prompting the posting of the second sign.”

If you open this door your [sic] either can't read or your [sic] stuiped [sic].

Hey, I feel your pain, gas station attendant, having to deal with so much stupidity all day long. But — with the help of Rachael in Portland — I think I’ve found someone else who can relate.

Allow me to introduce Lily. She’s 8.

Today my stuiped [sic] MOM thought I spanked my STUIPED [sic] sister with a spoon. Then my mom was working and she told me to go to my room. When I asked her if she could come here she said No I'm doing something more important so I'm not important I guess. Heart, Lily

related: An anonymous rant against anonymity

Tags: Alabama · gas station · kids · Portland · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

Because you’re not really knocked up ’til it’s validated by Web 2.0

May 20th, 2010 · 96 Comments

So, these two crazy kids (both of whom still live with their parents, according to our submitter), had a lil’ accident. A really exciting one! So exciting they decided the best way to share the news was en masse, via Facebook status update! So be excited for them, dammit!!!

[Redacted] and her amazing and wonderful boyfriend and best friend and going to be parents! This is a huge surprise but were [sic] very excited! Taking bets on the gender! .... I am really disappointed that hardly any of my friends congratulated me or wished me well. Thanks alot [sic] you jerks!

related: Children are such a blessing.

Thanks for not buying me the Diaper Genie I registered for!!!

Tags: alot · Facebook · frenemies · preggers · spelling and grammar police

And your mosaic sucks

May 19th, 2010 · 77 Comments

Anybody else in the mood for a no-holds-barred, batshit-crazy tirade? ’Cause I sure am! Pretty much the only thing remotely “passive” about this message — which Jared in Seattle found taped to the front entrance of his share house  — is the fact that it was delivered by note, rather than say, by fist.

The note writer takes a little while here to build up steam, but manages to get in at least one solidly below-the-belt jab before spiraling into a CAPS LOCK-induced rage blackout.

related: Worst secret admirer ever?

Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · money · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really) · WTF?

In case you were wondering why we’re closed

May 10th, 2010 · 75 Comments

…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.

TONITE: SUNDAY 25th BANGBANG BAR IS CLOSED DUE TO FEMALE TEMPERMENT [sic] ISSUES

Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.

Due To Tonyas drug habbit [sic] store will be Closed

…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).

Temporarily closed Due to Shopping Center Mgmt. Refusal To Repair 32 Year Old A/C Unit.

Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)

CLOSED FOREVER DUE TO ASSHOLE ONER [sic]

And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.

Sorry, we are CLOSED due to short staff. (Hire taller staff cause I need a taco!)

So really, why bother with an explanation at all?

Not Sorry

Fuck off we're closed

related: Closed for good! Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it.

Tags: "customer service" · bar · don't blame us · drugs · most popular notes of 2010 · Norway · Ohio · raging against the machine · restaurant · retail hell · spelling and grammar police · Texas · Toronto

What does “fashion forward” mean to you?

April 29th, 2010 · 95 Comments

When you work in the fashion business — like our submitter, a sales associate at a trendy boutique — being “fashion forward” often translates to just “forward.”

What does Fashion Forward mean to you? I challenge you to ask yourself......Is the outfit your wearing acceptable for hanging out or grocery shopping? If your answer to this is YES this means YOUR UNDERDRESSED! Please remember that this is our business, we are in the fashion business! We are not afraid to be forward in fashion. WE are fashion forward.

Or (like Lisa‘s coworker), straight-up bitchy.

Please — never wear that outfit in my presence or I will explode.

Sometimes (as Rhonda in Boston noticed) working in fashion is somewhat akin to being, say, a life coach.

Please do not have a fit in the fitting room. Your fashion life begins here.

Or, just as likely…a drug counselor.

Hello, We know you are doing coke in the bathroom. Please stop, Jesus loves you. Shamon

related: Yo, sweaty beasts!

Tags: "customer service" · attire · drugs · retail hell · your/you're