K, so, we’ve all seen a million notes like this…

(Check out that sad little orphan S!)
 

…but it actually takes a real mother to poke a hole in that logic.

related: Your mother doesn’t work here. Or here. Or here.

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

related: Your are welcome to our home

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.

(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

Though the issue might not be top of mind for sophisticated and urbane readership of this website, let this serve as your warning: Should you find yourself in, say, Fayetteville, Arkansas (like Melissa, a California expat currently attending the U of A) you’ll soon realize how important it is to lay down the law with regard to proper cud disposal.

Of course, when you live as far north as Baltimore and notice that your boss has taken to spitting chaw in your trash can, the situation becomes that much more dire.

related: evidently, yes

Spotted in the basement of a New Jersey church where people play bingo all the time. Adds submitter Yamis: “I guess we know the demographics of the crowd.”

related: More like hardly working

Technically, Mike in Boston only has two roommates, but roomie #2′s ever-present girlfriend has become the apartment’s de facto fourth resident…the non-rent-or-utilities-paying kind.

Explains Mike: “We only have one thermostat for the whole apartment, but our rooms are so tiny that we can typically keep the heat off and the place stays at 68-70 degrees.” Once winter came, however, the girlfriend wasn’t too pleased with this arrangement…and took to surreptitiously cranking up the heat into the mid-80s.

After one too many nights of waking up in a sauna, Mike and his allied roommate decided to fight back —in true passive-aggressive style — by removing the (detachable) thermostat from the wall. Drama, of course, ensued.

Mike’s roomie then posted a counter-attack:

Grammar aside, that one pretty much did the trick.

related: kill hamster too?

Here’s a trio of notes from California that each make me very uncomfortable…and not just because of the painful lack of irony.

First up: an excerpt from seating guidelines posted at the quaint little Mexican restaurant in Huntington Beach where Brynn used to waitress. So quaint, Brynn says, “They also posted a dress code rule that ladies must wear makeup and skirts could not be below the knee.”

Meanwhile, a little farther south, a construction worker left this note for James in San Diego…while he was parked in front of his own house.

And the last word goes to this bit of social commentary, which Jen spotted on the window of a soon-to-be-opened restaurant in San Francisco.

related: Je comprends…moi non plus

extra credit: ¡Ask a Mexican!® [ocweekly.com]

Those troublemakers requesting more crazy apartment notes can thank our anonymous submitter (a GM at a property management firm in Springfield, Missouri) for today’s masterpiece. “One of our resident managers delivered this letter to 115 units at her property, then e-mailed me a copy because she was REALLY proud of it,” our submitter writes. “I got halfway through and realized I had to send it to you.”

Now, for the complaints…