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Entries Tagged as 'stealing'

A lunch thief with serious balls

July 19th, 2009 · 124 Comments

Kim in Canberra says this A3-sized missive was posted in numerous locations on all four floors of her building. Of this numbered list, I’d say #3 is what puts it over the top.

On a related note:  Did you know the word “avocado” comes from the Aztec word for testicle? (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Dear Avocado-stealer, I hope you enjoyed my avocado, the one I left (4th floor) for my lunch yesterday (Tuesday 13th May). Beyond my frustration not to find my lunch, I would like to say this: 1. I work hard to buy my food, I put effort in going to the shop to select it, why don't you? 2. If you are a

related: Who moved my cheese?

extra credit: Someone is stealing avocados, and guac cops are on the case []

Tags: Australia · Canberra · college life · martyr complex · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

June 26th, 2009 · 90 Comments

This all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

You are welcome!

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

extra credit: STFU, Parents


Tags: all-staff e-mail · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · office · office fridge · preggers · runaway run-on sentences · stealing · yogurt

Consider this!!!

June 23rd, 2009 · 121 Comments

Evan in San Diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift shop. “I particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the Spanish translation,” Evan adds. “It’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”

Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

related: When nature calls


Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

Tags: Espanol · guilt trip · oh no you didn't · questionable logic · retail hell · San Diego · stealing

That personalized “missing jelly jar” stationery finally comes in handy…

June 10th, 2009 · 132 Comments

Extra P in Charlottesville, Virginia found this note in his office break room. He draws our attention to two sections in particular: “the ‘let there be closure’ line, which seems more appropriate for a break-up note, and the ‘mark an X if you threw it away’ part, which reminds me of grade school mash notes. Besides, what did our local kleptomaniac want with a jelly jar full of water, anyway?”

Missing jelly jar please return

related: Next time, go for the Fiji?

Missing jelly jar please return. The night before last I put a kelly jar on the dish rack full of water, to soak. It has a water tight lid. I know it doesn’t seem like something important, but I would like it back. If you have it, please bring it back. If you threw it away, please let me know so there can be closure. Thank you.

Tags: Charlottesville · office · stealing · Virginia

I don’t remember signing any bond/contract regarding your use of exclamation points!!!!!

May 26th, 2009 · 118 Comments

Writes Toni in Wales: “I found these fightin’ words taped to one housemate’s cupboard. We’ve had some things go missing in the house, so I sympathise with their frustration. But the funniest part of this note, I think, is that this housemate had previously called a house meeting to complain about the other housemates’ infrequent and only slightly passive-aggressive notes. She considered them to be lowering the tone of the household, and demanded that any issues be raised in person (fair enough) — but then posted this doozy with no warning. The 30 exclamation points are a nice touch, though.”

exclamation points? i'll give you exclamation points.

related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · roommates · stealing · Wales

Ladri di biciclette

May 11th, 2009 · 194 Comments

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

This is not post-war Italy. Stealing bikes is not cool.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.


(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

Tags: Amsterdam · Australia · bicycle · London · Melbourne · public shaming · stealing · your/you're

People got a lotta nerve

April 26th, 2009 · 126 Comments

“One of my coworkers — normally a calm, even-keeled woman — sits near the door of the office,” writes Ali in Minnesota. “When others come in at night to write reports or look up info, they apparently destroy her desk in the matter of minutes. After a series of coffee cups and chair-lowerings, up went this note. Everyone in the office found it so funny they started adding snarling animals to the note. Ferocious!”

people got a lotta nerve

While I can understand this woman’s frustration, one thing I’ll never be able to understand is the logic behind highlighting an entire (caps-locked!) message.

related: cubicle etiquette

Tags: CAPS LOCK · high on highlighter · Minnesota · not-so-veiled threats · office · stealing

The International Brotherhood of Daves

April 16th, 2009 · 161 Comments

Writes Joe in Van Nuys, California: “Dave has been upset because people have been drinking his tea. Apparently, he was unaware of other potential Daves in the office. Next time, maybe he should clarify?”

Is Your name Dave? Yes!  My name IS Dave.  Thanks for the free drink!  Daves 4 Life!!!

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: California · most popular notes of 2009 · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · tea

Askin’ for it

April 13th, 2009 · 131 Comments

Writes Marc from Chicago: “I saw this in a small town off Route 26 in Nebraska. As soon as I finished snapping photos of the signs, the woman who ran the drive-thru came out and demanded to know what I was doing. Once she realized that I was not there to mess with the sign, she became friendly. Evidently, the situation was exactly as it appeared: unidentified no-goodniks had been swiping the letters from the sign or re-arranging the amiable witticisms (‘Men, I don’t understand. Chocolate, I’m an expert!’) into significantly ruder form.”

Our signs will end if people don't leave them alone

askin' for it

Meanwhile, Rikki spotted this sign (which may or may not be an homage to this one, which made the rounds on the interweb a few years back) in downtown Oklahoma City.

Lo Siento!

related: and pull up your sign

Tags: Nebraska · Oklahoma · restaurant · retail hell · stealing · vandalism

Short and not-so-sweet

April 10th, 2009 · 111 Comments

Two words: missing tarantula.


Mascara-borrowing roommate.

Just keep it.

Just pathetic.

Salmon salad replacement fund

related: Just one question

Tags: office · roommates · stealing