Entries Tagged as 'stealing'
Sigh. Half the people in your department just got pink-slipped, your 401(k) is worth shit, and now, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse…they’re coming for your muffin, too.
All in the name of shareholder value!
(Leaked by Sayf in Greenwich, Connecticut.)
related: Lean cuisine
extra credit: Morgan Stanley cancels Christmas, jobs [dealbreaker]
Tags: Connecticut · Greenwich · money · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · touching
From Sasha in New York: evidence that the financial crisis has begun to trickle down to Joe Six-Pack.
related: Desperate Times
Tags: college life · money · New York · office · stealing · thx
Al Gore would likely be pleased hear that Marc in San Diego rides his bike (a vintage blue Colnago) to work in the mornings. A certain evangelical bike messenger, however, was less than impressed.
Marc says he’s since ditched his old cable lock. “After this note taught me the error of my ways, I now keep my bike inside where it’s safe.”
related: Next on thieves with low self-esteem
Tags: "helpful" advice · bicycle · stealing
I think we’ve received some of your mail by mistake. Just wanted to pass these along!
related: Arrivederci, asshole
Tags: "customer service" · beer · garbage · God · parking · stealing · The Earth
Presenting — in honor of British Cheese Week — three approaches to cheese thievery:
1) Play dumb.
2) Get tough.
3) Oh, F it.
related: The right to bear fruit
Tags: cheese · fridge · stealing
Three U.S. cities where nature-lovers might want to keep their hands to themselves:
1. Austin, Texas
2. Macon, Georgia
3. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
(Thanks to Don in Austin, Elizabeth in Macon, and Jasmine in Pittsburgh for risking the wrath of some devoted gardening/second amendment enthusiasts to document these warnings.)
related: No “questions” asked
Tags: Austin · blame it on the crackhead · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Georgia · Macon · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Pittsburgh · spelling and grammar police · stealing
“A few years back I was living in a halfway house in Canberra where theft from the communal kitchen was a common problem,” writes Alex in Australia. “One morning we woke to discover that the fridge had gone missing.” (The coffee in question was stolen from a cupboard, but apparently the owner thought removing the fridge was the best form of attack.)
The fridge incident went unresolved for many months, Alex says, because none of the residents could be bothered to move it back inside…and nobody had $3 to spare. In fact, he says, no one ever seemed all too concerned about the whole thing, explaining, “because we spent most of our money on vice, we had no food to put in the fridge anyway.”
Eventually (long afterAlex moved out) the fridge was declared a traffic hazard, and a charity took it away.
related: Um, Rene Hall?
Tags: actions speak louder · Australia · Canberra · CAPS LOCK · fridge · money · questionable logic · roommates · stealing · You call that punctuation? · you know who you are
When Sheena in Austin spotted this note on her neighbor’s front door, she couldn’t help but wonder: “If your doormat has sentimental value, maybe it should be hanging on your wall instead of sitting on the ground?”
related: Wrath mat
extra credit: Sentimental value: clothing stories from eBay
Tags: Austin · eBay · excessive underlining · grow up · neighbors · stealing
Our anonymous submitter in California — pleading innocence — says she was singled out with this note in a barn that houses 60 other horses and their hay.
This note’s lack of obvious sitcom-ish puns — with the exception of “breeding good vibes” — makes me think that maybe I’ve been doing this too long…or perhaps that I haven’t been giving horses enough credit.
related: four legs good, two legs bad
extra credit: fourteen passive-aggressive appetizers [thenewyorker.com]
Tags: horses, cows, & chickens · I'm telling on you! · karma's a bitch · Los Angeles · stealing
Writes our anonymous submitter from Kentucky: “I work at a gym. I was checking the women’s locker room to make sure it wasn’t a fetid stinkpit (it wasn’t) when I saw three of these lying on the counter. I went to throw them out and found a whole mess of them in the trash can, too.”
related: like a rotten sponge
Tags: CAPS LOCK · gym · Kentucky · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police · stealing · warning