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Entries Tagged as 'stealing'

In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In posts on Facebook?

June 29th, 2008 · 140 Comments

Writes an anonymous social networker in Gainesville, Florida: “This guy and his (ex) roommate are friends of mine on Facebook, and they’ve been bickering back and forth for months now, airing their grievances for everyone to see.”

The girl eventually moved out, our submitter says, but it seems like maybe — just maybe — she left some unfinished business behind.

Kat refuses to pay the rent, and is probably a bad person for it.

About me: I need Kat to pay the rent.

Seriously, though, you need to pay the rent.

An open letter to my strangely missing box of couscous

related: Thou shalt honor thy Facebook newsfeed, and keep it holy

Tags: Facebook · money · public shaming · roommates · saga · stealing

Three tactics for dealing with soap thieves

June 24th, 2008 · 142 Comments

1. Prey on their insecurities.

Stealing soap is NOT cool

2. Get Jesus involved.

I PRAY No one steals These items...Please Leave this in the 8th fl Back bathroom...God Bless

3. Oh, screw it.

To: soap thief To whomever it is that is stealing the soap. I would like to inform you that we will no longer be providing soap for you to steal. Thanks to you we can not trust that the things we put in here for everyone's enjoyment will be here. You are a thief and you should know this. Thanks for ruining it for everyone else.

related: Maybe you should switch to body wash?

Tags: bathroom · irregular capitalization · Jesus · office · soap · stealing

Three things your health teacher didn’t tell you about herpes

June 18th, 2008 · 109 Comments

(A public disservice announcement)

1. From Portland, Oregon…

FYI - a recent study at Harvard Medical School linked a rare, disfiguring and painful form of genital herpes to leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Be careful out there.

2. From Williamsburg, Virginia…

Stealing ice cream gives you herpes. :)

3. From Miami, Florida…

Surgeon's General Warning Entering Starbucks now greatly increases your chance of contracting herpes.

related: Come get some

extra credit: Herpes: it’s got New York by the balls []

Tags: college life · FYI · Miami · not-so-veiled threats · now that's not true · Portland · roommates · smiley · Starbucks · stealing · Virginia · warning · whiteboard · Williamsburg

Next on thieves with low self-esteem…

June 9th, 2008 · 141 Comments

Terri in D.C. found this sign-bedecked scooter outside her apartment hilarious for three reasons. First off, “the fact that one of those little squirrely-looking scooter guys got out his most aggressive art supply and wrote ‘fuck off and die’ to a stranger.”

Second, she says: “I live between two churches, a library, an elementary school, and a high school. Classy place to curse at passersby!” And the best part, says Terri? “The neighborhood I live in in D.C. is named Mount Pleasant.”


Who knew scooter owners had such filthy mouths? 2

Who knew scooter owners had such filthy mouths? 4

Either steal it or leave it the fuck alone DON'T BE A BITCH -Owner

related: Nice try

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · D.C. · die bitch die · irregular capitalization · questionable logic · scooters & mopeds · stealing

The audacity of theft

June 6th, 2008 · 152 Comments

Writes an anonymous submitter in Houston: “A neighbor in my building put up an Obama yard sign on the door of her apartment around the time of the Texas primary. When it disappeared, I assumed she took it down herself.”

Then up went this note — a cheerful bit of propaganda that oh-so-subtly disproves all those ugly stereotypes about “self-righteous Obama supporters” with a colorful blaze of moralistic tsk-tsking and First-Amendment flag-waving. (Woo! Obama ’08!)

To the not so neighborly Republican or Hillary support who STOLE my Obama sign: PLEASE return it. Although I am unable to locate a stipulation in the lease that prevents the expresion [sic] of my first amendment rights, I would be more than happy to display the sign inside my apartment rather than on the door. However, STEALING is not only illegal, it's downright tacky. Just put it outside my door and I'll take it inside. THANKS! OBAMA '08!

related: A little bit of shameless gloating

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Houston · neighbors · politics · rainbow-colored · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal

Greek melodrama

May 22nd, 2008 · 104 Comments

“On our sorority dorm floor, the girls decorate their doors with pictures and various sorority decorations,” explains Kimberly in Knoxville, Tennessee. But when one of Kimberly’s sorority sisters noticed a few of her pictures were missing, she was like, really not happy. So, over the course of several days, she made her feelings known.

Who took the pictures off my door? Please put them back! - Cody I'm getting REALLY mad about this situation...if you took them PUT THEM BACK!

do NOT come talk to me about it b/c I did not give anyone permission to take's called stealing so put my stuff back I'm really not kidding —Cody

Reports Kimberly: “No worries though — the pictures were finally returned.”

related: How hazing rituals are born

Tags: and that's an order · college life · Knoxville · sorority girls · stealing · Tennessee

Maybe it’s time for Sally Struthers to get involved

May 14th, 2008 · 140 Comments

With finals and thesis deadlines coming up, stress levels among grad students at UC-Berkeley have been running high (which means attention to the finer points of, say, apostrophe use, are running low). And now there’s a lunch thief on the loose!

Taking food is a penal code violation and we have reported these thefts to the cops.

Sadly, says our submitter, the note’s multi-pronged approach (guilt, threats, helpful advice) seems to have had no effect; the lunch thief remains at large. The next course of action? “We’re considering planting laxative-laced desserts.”

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Berkeley · California · college life · food · fridge · kitchen · preggers · stealing · the homeless · warning

Shittiest secret admirer ever?

April 10th, 2008 · 154 Comments

“My roommate thinks I took her dry erase board when I was 40 miles away the week it was taken,” says an anonymous college student in Tampa, Florida. “She has been leaving me notes like this ALL YEAR.”

God help our poor submitter, but I’m nominating this crazy rainbow of a note for the passive-aggressive hall of fame. (Prize: a year’s worth of anger-management therapy?)

You don't know me...and to be honest I don't think you want to...but there is an issue that I need to address with you...and I'm not gonna be passive-aggressie about it. It has come to my attention that you have taken the white board that I gave Emily!!! And that angers me!!! I am not a child and I don't play childish games so let me put this as simply as I can...don't take shit that doesn't belong to you!!! I am writing this to you telling you to give Emily her shit back before I have to take matters into my own hands and get people involved that don't need to be in this...The next step in this little game is to go to our housing authority and I don't think you really want them to know about your skeeze-ball boyfriend living with you...or having to deal with the penalties and fines that come along with your ignorant acts! So stop being a cunt and give us the board back immediately. Thanks :) Your Secret Admirer

related: Which one of these is not like the other?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · crazypants · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gloriously redundant · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2008 · not-so-veiled threats · oh the irony · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · stealing · whiteboard

No, He uses Vaseline

March 4th, 2008 · 187 Comments

Myra spotted this note at the fine dining establishment known as Tudor’s Biscuit World in Roanoke, Virginia. (For the record, she says, don’t believe the hype — the biscuits aren’t all that great. But if you’re looking for a place to bear witness…)

Would Jesus steal jelly?

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

Tags: guilt trip · Jesus · restaurant · stealing · Virginia

Hostile takeover

February 5th, 2008 · 75 Comments

A possibly prescient note from the offices of Yahoo! U.K….

hostile takeover

related: just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm

Tags: excessive underlining · London · milk · office fridge · stealing · U.K. · Yahoo