Entries Tagged as 'stealing'

Roommate fumes; Unilever marketing execs rejoice

February 3rd, 2008 · 66 Comments

Curse as much as you want, dude: you’re still bitching about body wash. (Personally, that’s what I’d call a gamekiller.)

Whoever keeps using my fucking shower gel and drinking my fucking beer needs to fucking replace them!!! -Tom

related: I swear this isn’t some sort of stealth viral marketing campaign

Tags: beer · Brooklyn · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · New York · roommates · stealing · whiteboard

“Take out of box, place directly in toilet”

January 13th, 2008 · 85 Comments

After noticing a tell-tale crisping sleeve in the garbage, Charlie in New York spotted this helpful directive on the office fridge.

TO WHOEVER ATE MY LEAN POCKETS: THIS PICTURE SHOULD HELP WHEN YOU GO TO THE STORE TO REPLACE THEM

(Though if you ask Jim Gaffigan, the thief was really doing the guy a favor.)

related: I swear this isn’t some kind of viral marketing campaign

Tags: "helpful" advice · New York · office fridge · stealing · visual aids

I know where she lives

January 3rd, 2008 · 126 Comments

Margarita spotted this note in the window of a laundromat in San Francisco. Honestly, she says, “I’m more afraid of a vindictive, threatening neighbor than a laundry ‘theif.’”

LAUNDRY THEIF [sic]

related: No, that’s not the British spelling

Tags: laundry · neighbors · San Francisco · spelling and grammar police · stealing · warning

Adio, amigo

December 12th, 2007 · 103 Comments

Our anonymous submitter saw this note posted on the door to the walk-in cooler at a convenience store in Boerne, Texas. “The clerk told me that the Red Bull delivery guy had been drinking Red Bull and leaving the empty cans on the floor of the walk-in,” our submitter says. “In her words, ‘he was knockin’ himself off!’”

adio, amigo

(the full scene)

but it gives you wings

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books.”

Tags: beverages · CAPS LOCK · message to all intended for one · spelling and grammar police · stealing

It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 Comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia

ABP on the V8

December 2nd, 2007 · 88 Comments

Nobody likes it when food goes missing from the office fridge, but one V8-drinking facilities staffer in Savannah, Georgia wanted to make her displeasure a bit more official.

ABP on the V8

Adds our anonymous submitter: “As you can see, the pest control department took appropriate action.”

ABP on the V8

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge? 

Tags: beverages · Georgia · office · office fridge · Savannah · stealing

I’ve got my eye on you

November 27th, 2007 · 135 Comments

Laura spotted this punchline of a note (“you know it’s time to move out when…”) at her apartment building in downtown Brooklyn. Or rather, her former apartment building. It’s unclear whether the note-leaver was motivated by recent research suggesting that pictures of eyes may deter crime.

Attn: To the Ass-hole who keeps breaking & entering this building to steal the locks off the doors, you will be caught.

Meanwhile, Kim in Worcester, Massachusetts spotted a convenience store taking a similarly whimsical approach to theft prevention.

Did you know? Stealing is a crime. When we catch you we will call the police and have you arrested. We are watching you and so are the camera's [sic]. Say cheese!

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · Massachusetts · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · the po-po · Worcester

“No” questions asked

November 26th, 2007 · 122 Comments

I love how the notewriter quickly abandons the initial pretense here, then completely throws in the towel with the last line.

Will the people who "borrowed" our flower boxes (white flowers, dirt and all) please return them? No questions asked. :( (Except - WHY???)

Thanks to Adam in San Francisco for spotting this masterpiece!

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · sad face · San Francisco · stealing

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