Entries Tagged as 'stealing'
Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”
Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:
If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
Tags: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing
A booby-trapped soup — sans note — probably would have been the more effective (and more passive-aggressive) approach, but, um, to each his own?
If you’re wondering what OxyPowder is, allow Kenneth to explain.
Tags: excessive underlining · food · Houston · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · stealing
(Spotted by Kyla in Regina, Saskatchewan.)
Tags: Canada · neighbors · newspaper · Saskatchewan · signed with love · stealing
Vici lives in London with five flatmates — all guys.
(If you don’t have a house full of cereal-stealing warcraft players like vici and don’t get the “orly?” thing…wikipedia to the rescue!)
related: cereal killer
Tags: college life · food · London · rebuttals · roommates · shameless meme-mongering · stealing
(Charlie in Los Angeles did not eat your lunch.)
Tags: excessive underlining · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · office · office fridge · smartass · smiley · spelling and grammar police · stealing
Oh, how I love (totally tacky) reply-all e-mails.
Thanks to submitter Kate in New York City — who says she has a whole inbox full of e-mails like this from the coworkers at her law firm.
Tags: all-staff e-mail · e-mail · etiquette · food · holiday spirit · office · stealing
What Would Jesus Steal?
(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)
related: Would Jesus steal jelly?
Tags: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are
“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.
If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”
Tags: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing
In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.
Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.
Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:
Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish
The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.
Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”
Tags: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching
From Lindsay in Burbank:
Says the author of post-it #2: “The next day, she added a note that said, ‘Keep eating my sushi and you’re going to find out!’”
And from Jason in New Haven:
(To the left, the original note. To the right, the response.)
If you’re guessing these guys are engineers, you’re not that far off.
Tags: Burbank · California · Connecticut · food · milk · New Haven · office · office fridge · rebuttals · smartass · stealing