Entries Tagged as 'stealing'

And the Coco-Pops weren’t even yours.

June 9th, 2007 · 15 Comments

Vici lives in London with five flatmates — all guys.

milkgit.jpg

(If you don’t have a house full of cereal-stealing warcraft players like vici and don’t get the “orly?” thing…wikipedia to the rescue!)

related: cereal killer

Tags: college life · food · London · rebuttals · roommates · shameless meme-mongering · stealing

Thanks for eating my lunch

June 5th, 2007 · 12 Comments

(Charlie in Los Angeles did not eat your lunch.)

PLEASE RETURN CREAMER TO FRIDGE WHEN YOU ARE DONE. [thanks for eating my lunch...AND MINE!] [No problem Guys. Bring some more tomorrow. :) JP

Tags: excessive underlining · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · office · office fridge · smartass · smiley · spelling and grammar police · stealing

The Eleventh Plague

June 4th, 2007 · 7 Comments

Oh, how I love (totally tacky) reply-all e-mails.

Will whoever took the entire box of Passover macaroons for him/herself...That box was meant to be for everyone! I brought it in for the office, not for one person. That is totally tacky. Bring it back.

Thanks to submitter Kate in New York City — who says she has a whole inbox full of e-mails like this from the coworkers at her law firm.

Tags: all-staff e-mail · e-mail · etiquette · food · holiday spirit · office · stealing

There you go, bringing Him into it again

June 4th, 2007 · 38 Comments

What Would Jesus Steal?

Jesus doesn't steal Poptarts. NEITHER SHOULD YOU...

Jesus didn't steal hot wings & Pizza rolls Neither should you!! JJ + Destiny

This classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus. You deal with Him when you steal from children!

(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and  James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)

related: Would Jesus steal jelly?

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are

Cereal killer

June 3rd, 2007 · 21 Comments

“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.

If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I'll kill you in your sleep.

If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”

Tags: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing

Commenter confessions: dealing with office thieves

June 1st, 2007 · 17 Comments

re: “You left evidence”, Good Soul says:

In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.

Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.

re: “I swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign”, LQP says:

Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:

Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish

The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.

re:“I spit in mine”, briggs says:

Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”

 

Tags: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching

Who’s the smartass?

May 31st, 2007 · 23 Comments

From Lindsay in Burbank:

Who's the asshole?

Says the author of post-it #2: “The next day, she added a note that said, ‘Keep eating my sushi and you’re going to find out!’”

And from Jason in New Haven:

PLEASE DO NOT PUT MILK CARTONS ON REFRIGERATOR DOOR

(To the left, the original note. To the right, the response.)

If you’re guessing these guys are engineers, you’re not that far off.

Tags: Burbank · California · Connecticut · food · milk · New Haven · office · office fridge · rebuttals · smartass · stealing

Yeah, I got fired…but that Hot Pocket sure was worth it.

May 30th, 2007 · 14 Comments

This exercise in redundancy is brought to us by Erika in Los Angeles. It’s like the note-writer couldn’t decide which tactic would be most effective and just opted for all of the above.

REMEMBER!

Tags: "helpful" advice · bullet points · excessive underlining · food · guilt trip · high on highlighter · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · pleasantries as afterthought · spelling and grammar police · stealing

Killing you with cuteness

May 30th, 2007 · 25 Comments

Michele in Jasper, Indiana says she doesn’t actually expect to see her digital camera again, “but I at least wanted to inflict some guilt on the person who took it.”

If you are the person who stole my digital camera, I hope you enjoy the pictures of my little girl; her name is Ella. Also, you left the USB cable - you're going to need it.

Tags: guilt trip · Indiana · office · stealing

I swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign

May 29th, 2007 · 33 Comments

…but Hot Pockets are totally the car radios of the communal freezer.

Exhibit a: New York City

To Whoever stole my "Hot Pocket": It's not done and not nice :(

Exhibit b: Southern Oregon

Dear Hot Pocket Thief! Stop stealing it's wrong & I'm hungry with no lunch!!! Thanks

Exhibit c: Washington, D.C.

To the individual whom [sic] stole the hotpockets! They did not belong to you! By you consuming said hotpockets you have committed a theft! This shall not be tolerated!

Exhibit d: Oahu, Hawaii

Tried to steal hot pockets

Thanks to Beth at Columbia and DJ Shaggy for their help in uncovering this phenomenon.

Tags: excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · office fridge · sad face · spelling and grammar police · stealing · unnecessary "quotation marks" · whiteboard