Entries Tagged as 'stealing'
“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.
If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”
Tags: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing
In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.
Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.
Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:
Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish
The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.
Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”
Tags: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching
From Lindsay in Burbank:
Says the author of post-it #2: “The next day, she added a note that said, ‘Keep eating my sushi and you’re going to find out!’”
And from Jason in New Haven:
(To the left, the original note. To the right, the response.)
If you’re guessing these guys are engineers, you’re not that far off.
Tags: Burbank · California · Connecticut · food · milk · New Haven · office · office fridge · rebuttals · smartass · stealing
This exercise in redundancy is brought to us by Erika in Los Angeles. It’s like the note-writer couldn’t decide which tactic would be most effective and just opted for all of the above.
Tags: "helpful" advice · bullet points · excessive underlining · food · guilt trip · high on highlighter · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · pleasantries as afterthought · spelling and grammar police · stealing
Michele in Jasper, Indiana says she doesn’t actually expect to see her digital camera again, “but I at least wanted to inflict some guilt on the person who took it.”
Tags: guilt trip · Indiana · office · stealing
…but Hot Pockets are totally the car radios of the communal freezer.
Exhibit a: New York City
Exhibit b: Southern Oregon
Exhibit c: Washington, D.C.
Exhibit d: Oahu, Hawaii
Thanks to Beth at Columbia and DJ Shaggy for their help in uncovering this phenomenon.
Tags: excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · office fridge · sad face · spelling and grammar police · stealing · unnecessary "quotation marks" · whiteboard
Don’t be fooled by the smiley: this is the kind of note that really throws you off balance. (It’s been more than a month since she received this note, and Kiki from Boston says she’s still shaking in her boots a little.)
related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter
Tags: Boston · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · office · office fridge · smiley · stealing
This fiendishly funny note comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Philly, who does not condone the theft of bottled water of any kind.
Tags: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · oh snap · stealing · water
The stolen item in question here? A serving of creamer.
Tags: clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · group bitchfest · office · office fridge · spelling and grammar police · stealing
Jimmy in Worcester brings this jaunty little note from the Lambda Chi Alpha House at WPI.
Says Jimmy: “The kid whose cookware was hidden ended up just leaving the utensils (tongs, spatula, etc…) wherever they were hidden and simply bought a new set. This forced the kid who originally hid them to find them again before they started to stink up the place.”
Just in case you needed another reason to pass on the Lambda Chis’ rush-week pancake breakfast…
Tags: college life · dishes · fratboys · kitchen · stealing · Worcester