Entries Tagged as 'stealing'

Drink my Coca-Cola…and the terrorists win

June 1st, 2013 · 66 Comments

Ana in Kentucky spotted this epic on the faculty fridge at the school where she works.

Dear Coke-I-leave-on-the-door-thief, As a child who grew up in the depression era, I come from humble beginnings. I have learned to take pleasures in the simple things in life; the river, the trees in spring, the wonderment in children's eyes...As I move forward through another morning, my caffeine deprived brain and I ponder silently the consequences of your actions. Have you no pride? Have you no shame? As a part time Aid and Para Professional, my compensation for said duties is not as lucrative or rewarding as the joy my heart feels when a student finally reaches their potential academically, spiritually, and emotionally. I beg you, kind sir or ma'am, to consider the effects your actions have on my ability to produce God-fearing citizens of this democracy. May I suggest that you help yourself to any of the half-empty Sprite bottles or outdated rotten apples that I tend to leave in the same general vicinity as my valued Coke product? May you never feel the pain of eating peanut butter at 10am and having nothing to drink except something called

related: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

Tags: Coke · Kentucky · Louisville · most popular notes of 2013 · office fridge · schools & teachers · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children?

We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got

May 5th, 2013 · 59 Comments

Bethany in California says she saw this sign hanging from a house on her street. “I don’t know the person who wrote it, but I made my husband stop in the middle of the street so I could take a picture.”

To the little piece of CRAP who stole my iPOD: Because you would rather steal as opposed to buying your own (GOD FORBID), I now have to download every single Bon Jovi song again!!! REPENT FOR THIS IS BLASPHEMY!

related: The Whore of West Babylon

Tags: most popular notes of 2013 · music · stealing

Hellfire & arthritis

April 21st, 2013 · 45 Comments

An eye for an eye, I understand. But a flower for joint inflammation?

You stole my sunflowers? God punished you with ARTHRITIS! Cheers!

(Thanks to Sandra in Los Angeles for submitting!)

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · God · Los Angeles · stealing

Paranoid much?

April 3rd, 2013 · 89 Comments

Our submitter in Texas said she found the first note “while trying to rearrange a kitchen cabinet that is completely dominated by my roommate’s freakishly large collection of stale old teas.” (A coffee person herself, she’s never “borrowed” any.) But the best part, she says? “This lead me to poke around the apartment and uncover several similar notes. Cheers, roomie!”

Like LITERALLY ALL OF MY FOOD, this, too is not for sharing. Ask first!

Buy your own rice, for f-ck's sake!

You have no reason to be in this drawer. buy your own eye serum; we talked about this.

related: My duh-runk roommate

Tags: roommates · stealing · Texas

Well, you sure showed them.

January 14th, 2013 · 16 Comments

Are you feeling sorry yet?? Well?!?!

My real flowers were stolen so here are some cheap fake one jerks!!

related: Only the city of San Diego can move our garbage cans!

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · stealing

This year’s round of holiday decor-nappings

December 22nd, 2012 · 26 Comments

So far this  year, we’ve gotten no missing Baby Jesus reports. (Yet.) However, it looks like it’s still hard out there for a giant candy cane.

Just ask Anderson in Huntsville, Alabama:

Mommy Deer wants her babies back!

Gina in New Philadelphia, Ohio:

To the person who took my Christmas wreath...you can have the tree too! You must need it more than I do! Merry Christmas! Danny's Grill

The Bishop Family in Genoa, Nebraska:

This is for the 3 little PUNKS In the silver Chevy truck with 10 county Plates That stole our decorations THANKS!!! Our Grandkids REALLY appreciate it. MERRY CHRISTMAS! BY THE WAY YOU DROPPED THESE

or David in Florence, South Carolina:

To whoever stole (or is planning to steal) our Christmas lights

The missing strand of lights, as well as the ones remaining on our porch, were rubbed through each of our unkempt butt-cheeks during a game of

related: The circle of Hell Dante forget to mention

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · stealing · vandalism

When I was green in judgment, cold in blood

December 16th, 2012 · 85 Comments

I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an office fridge in Maryland — I’ve had but one phrase echoing in my head: “We are not so unalike, [you and I]. I, too, have a deep love of salad.”

Dear Desperate for Salad: We are so unalike. I too have a deep love of salad. In fact, it is what I eat for lunch nearly every single day. I find few things more satisfying than a crisp green salad in the middle of the day. I'm sure you feel similarly.

related: “Someday when you’re wondering why you’re alone…”

Tags: Maryland · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Revenge: a dish best served chilled?

December 11th, 2012 · 74 Comments

Our submitter in Texas — where we are currently experiencing out annual three days of winter — spotted this note posted yesterday on the office fridge. “I know who ate the ‘chili,’” our submitter claims, “because I heard her comment on how she knew it must be organic because the true owner was a hippie.”

DEAR CHILI THIEF: The first time you stole & ate my bowl of chili it was chili. The second time it was dog food. Hope you enjoyed. Sincerely, your friend in payback

related: Don’t get mad, get creative!

extra credit: The Original Fridge Locker

Tags: food · most popular notes of 2012 · oh snap · revenge · stealing · Texas

Black, white, and RED all over

November 27th, 2012 · 23 Comments

“You can’t tell from the photo,” our submitter says, “but the paper quality of this notice is above average. I guess there’s no cheap printer paper for angry Upper East Side residents!”

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY NEW YORK TIMES. I BELIEVE IN PRIVATE PROPERTY, IF YOU DON'T, WELL, THEN YOU ARE A COMMUNIST.

Although our submitter admits she was surprised this wasn’t posted by a Wall Street Journal subscriber, I’d say this more or less fits with the unique approach of the typical New York Times subscriber. WSJ-ers, on the other hand…

Hey!! I ordered the Wall Street Journal to be delivered here. Please stop taking it, or i'll break your fuckin' arms! Love, Harrison

related: Comrades, take notice! 

extra credit: The People’s Daily salutes Kim Jong Eun, 2012′s Sexiest Man Alive

extra extra credit: “Commie Mints”

Tags: New York · newspaper · stealing

There’s stealing candy from children, and then there’s…this.

November 8th, 2012 · 37 Comments

“How low do you have to go to steal flowers from someone’s grave?” wonders Ash in East Lansing, Michigan.

Please do not steal my father's flowers again. He did not do anything to you. Shame!

At the very least, I suppose, you’ve have to be someone untroubled by the prospect of being publicly chided or privately haunted. In Providence, Rhode Island, Moira noticed that the flowers at this memorial had very recently been dug up again.

To the Person(s) who has stolen the flowers from this bench at least twice this summer: These flowers were placed as a rememberance of Sheryl Jacobson and Maggie who are memorialized by this bench.  They were donated by a private person for the enjoyment of everyone who uses the park. You are not stealing from the city, but from the people who care about the beauty of this park. Shame on you! May the spirits of Sheryl and Maggie haunt you for your selfishness.

related: Rolling over in his grave

extra credit: “Man arrested for stealing flowers off graves to give to girlfriend”

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · kinda creepy · Michigan · public shaming · stealing