Entries Tagged as 'stealing'
Okay, dude, I really don’t want to kick you while you’re down — getting your scooter stolen definitely sucks. (Also, based on the rage level in your note, I think you’d probably kick back pretty hard.) And yet…I’m not really buying your framing of this as some kind of public service announcement.
For one thing, I’m guessing that if you took a poll of your neighbors (including Alex, our submitter) and asked, “Hey, did you know that if you leave your personal property in this alley, it could get stolen?!” I’m pretty sure most would respond with someone along the lines of, “Uh, no shit.” Just sayin’.
related: Paintball punk is playing at my house (my house)
Tags: Denver · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not so much passive-aggressive · scooters & mopeds · stealing
Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, if it doesn’t totally backfire.
You could go for the classic bluff, with the hopes that you’ll inspire just enough self-doubt to encourage the thief to go for the next lunch bag over.
Or you could hold out hope that the thief in question is either very lazy, very stupid…
…or that he or she appreciates your twisted sense of humor enough to take mercy on your pathetic self.
Or you could just bring this for lunch. (Somehow, I think this would have been safe, even without the note.)
Thanks to Theresa in Birmingham, Alabama; Stacey in Manchester, New Hampshire; Alissa in Memphis, Tennessee; and Marianne in Dublin, Ireland for submitting!
related: That’s breastmilk!
Tags: beverages · cheese · fish · food · most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing · tea · water
So, you still haven’t tried “new taste of Domino’s Pizza,” despite the barrage of marketing dollars being spent encouraging you to do so? Not to worry! I’ll save you the heartburn incurred by a certain food-filching WashU student and his victims.
Here’s the scoop: If you order a pizza from Domino’s, there’s a 60% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls, and a 40% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls. (Oh, and to the Domino’s brand managers reading this: feel free to quote us on that!)
Explains Bridget in St. Louis: “There has been a quite nefarious food thief stealing from the dorm’s community refrigerator lately, and I should know, since my stuff has been taken too. There have been a couple of complaints posted to the fridge, but this is the best one I’ve seen. It was written on a napkin duct-taped to a pizza box that had been (rather hastily) stuffed in the refrigerator.”
related: My mum bought me that pizza!
extra credit: “New York Times Discovers New Trend: Bros Icing Bros” [gawker.com]
Tags: college life · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · shameless meme-mongering · St. Louis · stealing
Chris found this not-so-nice note in the laundry room of his nice townhouse complex. What’s interesting here is how the author seems to undermine his or her own logic. (As Chris put it, “I know it’s really pathetic to steal a dryer sheet and a quarter, but really, is it that big of a deal?”)
If it’s not about the 25 cents, but rather, the principle of the thing, well…which is worse? To take a quarter from an empty laundry room, knowing that one of your neighbors left it there? Or to post a dick-ish anonymous note for all to see…instead of, say, keeping your damn quarters in your pocket like everybody else?
related: I know where you live, laundry thief
Tags: ellipses-crazed · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · grow up · I know who you are · karma's a bitch · laundry · message to all intended for one · money · neighbors · stealing · Tucson
I’d like to imagine that this note, spotted by Michael in Sydney, Australia…
And this note, documented by Ron in Michigan…
…are both connected by one shamelessly bum-scratching female bicyclist.
related: Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence
Tags: bicycle · CAPS LOCK · stealing · WTF?
Trixie found this morally and grammatically curious note pinned to clothesline in her boyfriend’s Detroit neighborhood. So, uh, if you’re looking for a safe house after a prison break…
related: I know where she lives.
Tags: CAPS LOCK · Detroit · stealing · your/you're
“My mother sent me this gem of a newspaper clipping from my hometown in Florida,” Kim says. “I didn’t know if she had any personal involvement in this tragedy, or if she just thought it was hilarious, like I did.”
(Perhaps it was intended as a cautionary tale. Or a warning to keep an eye out for one-legged flamingos?)
related: askin’ for it
Tags: Florida · newspaper · not-so-veiled threats · small town living · stealing
So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?
You could go for the semi-direct approach…
But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.
In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…
Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.
“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)
related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine
Tags: California · coffee · New York · Northern Virginia · office fridge · Orlando · piss · stealing · Texas
Jack and Sarah in Tacoma, Washington both spotted this note taped to the window of a coffee shop outside the Fort Lewis military base in Tillicum. While I particularly enjoy the slow crescendo of this note, I’m not sure the manager of the H&R Block across the street would feel the same.
related: Raging against the little guy
Tags: most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · vandalism · Washington state
Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California).
Not so at Rocky‘s office in Austin, Texas…but office drama is never too hard to find in the shared fridge.
Of course, you don’t even have to be a sentient being to fall into a similar trap.
If you’ve shopped online at Amazon.com lately, you might have noticed that they’ve starting suggesting using a custom “PayPhrase” to speed up express checkout. After placing a recent order, Rosalie in Seattle did a double-take when she saw the phrase Amazon picked for her.
related: Sweet & Lowdown
Tags: food · kinda creepy · office fridge · smartass · stealing · WTF?