She likes her humor like she likes her cactus: dry.

related: “Just feed me to the cat.”

Kelli in North Dakota says one of her neighbors plastered the entire building with these notes, directed to a certain wannabe baseball player/bull rider/oral cancer patient.

(Some not-so-fun facts: At 15.3%, North Dakota has the second-highest rate in the country of tobacco-chewing high schoolers. Among North Dakotan adult males, about 1 in 10 chews.)

Meanwhile, here in Texas, submitter Katie is unsure whether her neighbors’ cars are being pelted with the likes of Copenhagen or queso. (In Texas, it really could go either way.)

related: My garbage can is not your spit cup. 

Shanna spotted this note of appreciation outside the room of an resident advisor in her freshman dorm. ”And yes,” she says, “he actually did get in bed with someone’s girlfriend.”

related: Yes, this is from a college campus.

Ty — an innocent bystander in this situation — saw this reply note taped to the door of his apartment building in Omaha. “I LOVE it!’ says Ty. Me too, Ty. Me too.

related: Save the earth, kill the kids?

Writes our submitter in Dallas: “My ex-roommate is possibly THE most passive-aggressive person I’ve ever met. We’ve reconciled, mostly, but we still have our moments. For example, just after Christmas, she was going out of town and wanted me to look after her cat. She used the same e-mail as an opportunity to say thank you for the Christmas gift my girlfriend and I gave her.

related: Thanks for saving me the trouble of writing a thank you note!

So, imma let you in on a little secret: nobody has any reason to give a shit about your birthday. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, and still expect people to fete your very existence every year, you should also expect to be disappointed. (Yes, I’m the Grinch of birthdays. And don’t even get me started on “birthday weeks.”)

That said, in this case our submitter actually did call her mother on the day of her birth. When Mom didn’t pick up, quick-thinking daughter left her a message. After that, our submitter says, her mother didn’t return her calls for several days — until phoning to say, “Check your e-mail.” While still on the line, our submitter did just that — and found this lovely e-card.

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

extra credit: Half birthdays are the new black [stfuparents]

Ashley in Ohio has no complaints about the English skills of her Japanese pen pal, but this “thank you” card left her feeling like something must have gotten lost in translation. “Although I’ve been sending her e-mails and cards for every tiny holiday, this apparently hasn’t been enough to satisfy her,” Ashley says. (Ouch.)

related: Please don’t sit with me ever again.

When it comes to comment cards and suggestion boxes, it’s not necessarily hard to get the last word. But as Maggie noticed while leaving a dining hall at the University of Denver, it takes a skilled passive-aggressive to turn a totally neutral, boilerplate response into an obvious “up yours” without so much as an exclamation point.

related: The Great Egg Salad Ban of ’08 at the Conde Nast cafeteria

extra credit: College Cafeterias Get Bad Grades from the Health Dept. [nytimes.com]