Entries Tagged as 'thanks (but not really)'

Warning: Beware of banana peels, falling anvils, and wet paint

November 16th, 2010 · 54 Comments

“I’m sure they didn’t actually paint the toilet seats,” says Brett in Syracuse. And yet, he says, when he saw this sign posted by a former co-worker, “I couldn’t stop laughing about the idea that that’s what got her.”

Thank you for the sign stating there would be wet paint in the bathroom! (Yes! This IS passive aggressive!)

Perhaps a few signs like this (as spotted by Madeline at her university’s art studio) would have made for a proper rebuttal?

I'm not sure if this is wet

Maybe you should touch it.  That's what you do with wet paint, right?

related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

Tags: bathroom · college life · meta · office · sarcasm · smartass · thanks (but not really)

Please take me at my word that I’ve been working out lately

November 10th, 2010 · 49 Comments

Our anonymous submitter didn’t catch the original note about “slaming [sic] the door,” but you can get a pretty good idea of what it said based on the carefully worded response from the recipient, John (who, like Dustin, simply isn’t aware of his own strength at times).

Dear Sir or Madam: Hello. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I would like to offer you my most profound apologies for having slammed the door last night. I have to tell you that I honestly wasn't aware that I do this; I always thought that I used a normal amount of force when closing the door, although I have been working out lately. Please take me at my word when I now say that I will be more conscious of my door closing from here forward. However, in the event that you do have more problems with me, I would greatly appreciate it if you were to approach me directly, rather that resort to another hasty and quite confrontational handwritten note that, to be quite frank, had all the potential to be taken as offensive. I am sure that you will understand where I am coming from. Once again, thank you for your correspondence and I appreciate your anticipated co-operation. Most sincerely, John [Redacted] Apt. 108

Meanwhile, this note, as seen by Felix in Atlanta, was clearly left by a neighbor without a law degree.

(I’m guessing a dog; cats are way more passive-aggressive.)

Dear Neighbor, Please, PLEASE stop by and say hello. We can clear this up right away without having to leave sneaky notes. Thanks! I look forward to chatting [Paw print]

related: Door-slamming sign slam

Tags: Atlanta · Illinois · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · opening/closing · rebuttals · thanks (but not really)

Did you want a doggy bag for those leftovers, sir?

November 8th, 2010 · 72 Comments

Our submitter says this isn’t the first time her father has put up this display in his front yard…proving, I guess that some people will go through a lot of shit just to make a point. (Meanwhile, the neighborhood dogs and dog owners continue to go about their business.)

Thank you for leaving this for me. I really don't need it. Feel free to take it home for your own use.

related: Lost & Found

Tags: Chicago · dogs · shit · thanks (but not really)

How NOT to raise your neighborhood’s property values

September 19th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Tim lives in Northwest D.C., “at the front of the gentrification wave” flowing east from Dupont Circle. “We have (only) one rundown/uninhabited house on the block,” Tim says, “and this morning one of the other neighbors decided to mow the front lawn to tidy it’s appearance a bit.” While taking out the trash later that evening, Tim noticed that his neighbor’s good deed had been rewarded by this neighborly thank-you note.

Dear whoever mowed this lawm [sic], FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. If you're actually responsible for this property, clean up the fuck hobo shit laying around. The entrance to the cellar smells like 100% human feces. THANKS FOR THAT, ASSHOLES.

(As far as the smell goes…perhaps some people were under the same mistaken impression as those near this West Hollywood residence?)

This is a lawn, not a fucking diaper, thank you. Love, The people who live here

related: Gentrification is insanit(ar)y

Tags: D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · Los Angeles · odor · shit · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · that's disgusting · there goes the neighborhood

Happy birthday dear what’s-his-face

September 5th, 2010 · 57 Comments

Jo in Australia received this message from an ex-boyfriend via the dating site OKCupid. “This was where we met, so I guess he was trying to be poignant,” Jo says. “For obvious reasons,” — a.k.a. THEY WERE BROKEN UP — “I neglected to call him on his birthday. This clearly brought up more deep-seated self-esteem issues.” Nothin’ sexier than that!

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday dear what's 'is face, Happy Birthday to me. Just wanted to thank you for the care and concern you showed over the last two weeks by returning my calls and remembering me on my birthday. I think your silence spoke the volumes you wanted it to. I am hurt. I am sure it galls you to owe money to somebody who is clearly just a pest so i have included my account details below. If you could also mail back the missing Battlestar episodes I leant your brother that would be appreciated. Devastated that we fell so far.

“Replying to him is out of the question,” Jo adds — “I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of words.” Instead, she took the passive-aggressive approach: submitting it to this site.

related: So glad we’re not together!

Tags: Australia · birthday · ex drama · just not that into you · online dating · thanks (but not really)

If you thought your microwave was dirty…

August 25th, 2010 · 51 Comments

…then you obviously haven’t been introduced to the Houston, Texas model apparently gunning for the title of “the Dane Cook of household appliances.”

(For that, you can be thankful.)

STOP! Don't touch me there: these are my no-no squares. Don't put anything on top of me, only inside (foreplay isn't needed). Please keep me clean...Only your mom likes it dirty. Hugs & Kisses, Your Friendly Neighborhood Microwave

related: Microwave on the run!

Tags: anthropomorphism · cleaning · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Houston · microwave · most popular notes of 2010 · thanks (but not really) · touching

If there were ever a time to hold your red pen…

August 6th, 2010 · 111 Comments

Spelling & Grammar Nazis…not necessarily known for compassion and self-restraint. Sure, maybe there is “a time for every matter under heaven” — but maybe this isn’t wasn’t the best time to point out your superior knowledge of homophones?

thanks but I don't really think that was necessary. I hope you get the point that she died.

(Thanks to Robin in Las Vegas for submitting.)

related: “Domestic violence isn’t cool but neither is keeping us all awake.”

Tags: a little insensitive · Comic Sans Alert · most popular notes of 2010 · thanks (but not really)

Wake me up, Scotty!

June 10th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Too busy to microwave your morning serving of saturated fat? No worries! If you’re a New Yorker, you can get your “special diet food” delivered right to your door. Or, um, your neighbors’ doors.

An open letter to “Scotty,” who presumably lives in this building.  Hey Scotty, here’s a wacky idea for you – next time you order food delivery maybe you should remember to tell them which apartment you live in.   Now, god bless you for ordering McDonald’s at 7:15am - you must have been in pretty rough shape if you couldn’t walk your ass 3 minutes down the block to pick up an egg McMuffin yourself.  But to be honest, it’s pretty annoying to be woken up three times by the delivery guy knocking on my door (I told him I wasn’t Scotty and didn’t order McDonalds, but I guess he didn’t believe me the first two times). And it was especially awesome when he just started yelling your name in the hallway in hopes that you’d hear him. Thanks for that, really appreciate it.

Our anonymous submitter can vouch for the note’s veracity. First of all, she says, the McDonalds is literally one block away from the apartment building. “But what’s worse,” she says, “is that the dude didn’t give his apartment number, so the delivery guy just started banging on random people’s doors and yelling ‘Scotty!’  in the hallway. At 7 AM!”

related: The time-tested “sausage, egg and cheese” diet

Tags: food · knocking · McDonalds · neighbors · New York · noise · thanks (but not really)

A supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again

May 23rd, 2010 · 89 Comments

Jessica from Halifax was perusing the comment board of a small restaurant on Salt Spring Island, B.C. when she  spotted this tasty tale of shellfish-related woe.

Food was great!! But, I got six prawns, and she only got two. She demanded two off of my plate. I didn't like her attitude, so I said no. She said

Meanwhile, Charlie found this scary story (and the impressively deadpan response) pinned to the comment board at the River Street Whole Foods in Cambridge, Mass.

Love this Whole Foods, best in Boston. However, the carrots are too pointy and long. It's intimidating. Can you shorten them and make them less scary?

related: The EGG SALAD BAN

Tags: Boston · British Columbia · faint praise · food · restaurant · thanks (but not really) · Too good to be real?

And your mosaic sucks

May 19th, 2010 · 77 Comments

Anybody else in the mood for a no-holds-barred, batshit-crazy tirade? ’Cause I sure am! Pretty much the only thing remotely “passive” about this message — which Jared in Seattle found taped to the front entrance of his share house  — is the fact that it was delivered by note, rather than say, by fist.

The note writer takes a little while here to build up steam, but manages to get in at least one solidly below-the-belt jab before spiraling into a CAPS LOCK-induced rage blackout.

related: Worst secret admirer ever?

Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · money · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really) · WTF?