Explains our submitter in New York: “This note is the result of a less-than-enthusiastic holiday food drive. Our office is a gray, lifeless place — what can one expect?”

(I don’t know…maybe some munchkins now and then?)

related: But what about Hawaiian Shirt Day?

Filching someone’s McDonald’s coupons…the “aggressive” flipside of the passive-aggressive offering of coupons for fitness DVDs?

“The person who sent this e-mail is actually a great and very well-liked individual at my place of work,” our submitter says. (Assuming, I guess, that one doesn’t come between him and his Egg McMuffins.)

related: sympathy for the devil

extra credit: Shaking things up at Dairy Queen

Jonathan, John and Michael  share a roof deck with their next-door neighbors in San Francisco, who Jonathan says “repeatedly, and seemingly sincerely, invited us to use their barbecue grill any old time.”

One weekend, JJ&M decided to take them up on their offer. They organized a small cook-out for friends and (oh-so-thoughtfully) invited the neighbors to join. “They did,” Jonathan says, “and a good time was had by all.”

Then, the next day, this gracious thank-you note was slipped under their door.

related: blowing smoke

Back in my college newspaper days, the pizzas in the back room always ended up, by the end of the night, completely decimated — some slices had the cheese picked off, others had the crusts nibbled away, and then those slices were oh-so-charitably left in the pizza box, presumably with the idea that some other, slightly more desperate slob would come by later and feast on the picked-over remains. That behavior, it seems, doesn’t stop with graduation.

Exhibit a) from Chris in New York

Exhibit b) from Nate in D.C.

exhibit c) from Jason in Los Angeles

exhibit d) from Chloe in Vancouver

exhibit e) from Therese in Seattle

related: The bathroom stall booger epidemic

Carmen in Washington, D.C. says she and her roommates suffered for months at the hands of this “crazy, obsessive-compulsive who made our lives miserable.” By the end of the fall semester, Carmen says, the house was a near-war zone, and the girl finally moved out.

“Around the time she was packing up her things, we decorated for the holidays and cleaned up a bit. She was livid, and accused us of waiting to clean up until then because we had been trying to drive her from the house with the mess.” (Hmm…how would you classify that sort of behavior?)

A week later, Carmen and her roommates received this card. Enclosed: one house key, and one hearty holiday dose of condescension.

(the front of the card)

related: way harsh, tai

Today’s post is dedicated to the dirty minds in the department of double entendres. (Hey there, commenters!)

The first note, as spotted by Dana in San Francisco, needs no further introduction.

Next up: Michelle in Orlando says this note was posted on the employee mailboxes at the theme park where she works. “Our uniforms include a vest made of wool,” Michelle explains, “and when the vests get wet they smell (fittingly) like wet animal.”

related: covering all the bases

Writes Marni in Brooklyn: “We tried this restaurant back when they first opened. The food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and I believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal.

“Many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look really unappealing, the type of cuisine was unclear, and there are so many restaurants in Park Slope that if you can’t stand out for good reasons, you’re just not going to succeed. Trying to make the neighborhood feel guilty about it ain’t gonna work.”

Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t try!

Another small business CLOSED FOR GOOD, as spotted by the ulterior epicure in Lawrence, Kansas:

And by Erich in London, Ontario:

And in Tyler, Texas:

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

Let me stop you right there. Before you say anything else, have you consulted this sign, as spotted on the door of a souvenir shop by Angie in Seattle?

Or this one, as seen by Meghann outside a bar in San Francisco?

Well, then your questions will certainly be answered by my personal favorite, spotted by Jessie at a sandwich shop in Charlottesville, Virginia:

related: Listing in NOW Magazine’s adult classifieds? $70. Revenge?