Entries Tagged as 'thanks (but not really)'

Spinal manipulation

June 26th, 2008 · 240 Comments

After messing up his back, Clay in Knoxville figured he’d give a chiropractor a shot. But when the doc he saw refused to show him the x-rays he’d taken until after a “seminar” about payment plans — oh, and treatment options — Clay decided to take his aching back elsewhere. A few days later, he got this caring follow-up letter in the mail.

I am sorry you do not take your health seriously. When you decide to make your health a priority, please know we are available to help you.

UPDATE: Too good to be true, you say? Clay clarifies: “The reason I didn’t block out the “Woodacre” is that it was wrong — it was wrong on my charts and I pointed it out to the receptionist. One page even had a “verified by” signature on it and ALL my information was wrong. I have no idea how they got the address right on the envelope and wrong on the letterhead (the same as on the paperwork I pointed out to them), but they did.”

related: Happy to be of service

Tags: "customer service" · a little patronizing · Knoxville · oh-so-sincerely · Tennessee · thanks (but not really)

Get the hell out (and good luck next year!)

June 12th, 2008 · 116 Comments

Writes an anonymous submitter in Peterborough, Ontario: “This past year, my roommates and I had a stranger rent the extra room in our house, and he turned out to be a socially oblivious slob we spent the entire year picking up after.” As frustrating as the situation was, his roommate Andrew can’t seem to fully distance himself from his inborn Canadian niceness, even in this final send-off.

Steve: Seriously clean the upper back fridge

related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten

Tags: Canada · cleaning · fridge · Ontario · roommates · thanks (but not really)

Wet laundry’s a bitch

May 28th, 2008 · 212 Comments

Spotted by Anna on the wall of an apartment complex in Phoenix…

Enjoy your yeast infection! :)

Meanwhile, in Ottawa…it’s comforting to know that even when Mom isn’t there to do your laundry, she can still help you guilt-trip your neighbors.

To the person who rudely took my laundry out of this dryer and tossed it in a damp pile on the dirty shelf, I'm terrible sorry that your laundry had to wait the 5 mins it was taking me to come downstairs to remove my own laundry from the dryer. I'll tell my mom next time she shouldn't call me during laundry time as someone, such as yourself, may have to wait a few mins longer for the machine. I'm aware of the fact that there are only 2 machines for the entire building but give me a break - how rude can you possiblt be? Perhaps maybe in the future we can work out a time schedule so that my meger [sic] clothing doesn't interfere with your clearly superior laundry. Thanks for that.  P.S. I was planning on allowing my stuff to COMPLETELY dry and put more $ in the machine but your needs come first, I understand.

related: I wiped between my legs with those towels!

Tags: guilt trip · karma's a bitch · laundry · Moms & Dads · Ottawa · p.s. · Phoenix · sarcasm · thanks (but not really) · TL;DR

News you can use

May 25th, 2008 · 62 Comments

The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.

Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago

Newsflash 1: trash does not take itself out. GROSS!?

Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas

I have a news flash! I don't buy your wine! Thanks for drinking a bottle I never got to try!

Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update

Newsflash BITCH...I don't live to please you

Exhibit d) stating the obvious

Newsflash: There is no ice fairy. If you do not have the courtesy to refill the ice trays (especially in 100 degree weather) do not take any ice.

SHOCKING NEWSFLASH: Dishes don't wash themselves

NEWSFLASH Bush: One of the Worst Disasters to Hit the U.S.

related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Facebook · garbage · ice · Moms & Dads · office · roommates · sarcasm · thanks (but not really) · whiteboard

The fruitcake’s in the mail

April 15th, 2008 · 99 Comments

“Not long before I left my previous job writing reviews of video games, I got this little gem from someone involved in the production of a game I didn’t exactly care for,” Alex says. “Game-makers bitching about reviews is nothing new, but rarely do they do it with as much sarcastic flair as this one does.”

the fruitcake's in the mail

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

Tags: apostrophe abuse · e-mail · holiday spirit · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

March 3rd, 2008 · 96 Comments

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · most popular notes of 2008 · Orlando · siblings · thanks (but not really)

Is nothing sacred?

January 5th, 2008 · 139 Comments

Poor Chase.

This was my brand new toorthbrush, given to me, special by the dentist because I brush my gums toohard. It has softer bristles than you can buy in the sotre. Thanks a lot "whoever!" Enjoy the toothbrush! I told you writing my name wouldn't change anything!

related: WoW, indeed

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · hygiene · New Jersey · roommates · thanks (but not really)

I used to be your biggest fan

December 3rd, 2007 · 69 Comments

Derek and his bandmates in the Grand rapids, Michigan rock/metal band Charles the Osprey were in the middle of a post-set smoke when the club’s bartender came outside, grinning ear-to-ear, and handed them this note.

Unlike the unwilling participants in Improv Rverywhere’s “best gig ever,” Charles the Osprey seem to be taking the attention in stride. Writes Derek: “The funniest part is that she says nothing about the songwriting, which is obviously what she really hated, but rather talks about our lack of talent!”

Band #1 — Thanks for playing tonight. I really enjoyed your obvious lack of musical talent. It also really helps to play your bad music really, really, low! Give me a call sometime. Meghan 6168418159

(Sorry, would-be prank callers: it’s a non-working number.)

related: You know he only became a dj to get girls

Tags: Grand Rapids · Michigan · music · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)

All I want is a room somewhere

November 19th, 2007 · 104 Comments

One loverly lady in Illinois found this note on the door of her dorm room after a long day of classes. (The identity of the note-leaver is still a mystery, as is the meaning of the phrase “dollar sign flower slams easily.”)

dear lovely ladies of this room: we appreciate and sympathize with the fact that your door is heavier than others & slams easily. However, we only request that you follow the campus policy of 24-hour courtesy and STOP SLAMMING so that all the rest of us can get the hours of sleep we need to stay as lovely as you. Many thanks, xoxo: the other ladies on your floor

Adds our submitter: “When we had our next floor meeting, I did the not-so-passive thing of calling out ‘whoever wrote the note,’ saying that we were trying our hardest to keep her ‘lovely.’”

related: We hear you, man

Tags: college life · door-slamming · excessive underlining · heart · Illinois · mean girls · signed with love · sleeping · thanks (but not really) · xoxo

Who are you calling OCD?

November 8th, 2007 · 147 Comments

This just in: starving unborn children aren’t the only casualties of office fridge lunch thievery. As one anonymous New Yorker reports, now the sick and the infirm are being picked off, too!

To the person who took it upon themselves to clean out the 12th floor fridge: Thank you so much for your initiative!

(Thank you kindly? Best wishes? Hungry on the 12th floor, you kill me.)

Tags: cleaning · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · guilt trip · ital overkill · New York · office fridge · questionable logic · rhetorical question · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)