An anonymous submitter in Ann Arbor, Michigan received this e-mail from a guy who just moved into her co-op (“basically a co-ed frat house”) for the rest of the summer. “We’ve tried to reason with him,” she says, to no avail. “When asked why he has to get up so early, he says, ‘I have important things to do in the morning,’ and that’s it.”

The even bigger mystery? Wonders our submitter: “Why, if he needs complete silence at night, did he move in with 16 other college kids on summer break?”

related: there will come soft pains

In terms of the appropriate sympathetic nervous system response, an e-mail subject line like “big favor” is kinda the modern cubicle-dweller’s equivalent of “Saber-tooth tiger outside cave!”

(Note: this e-mail, our Seattle-area submitter says, is from the very same person who brought us this.)

related: Perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

Writes our anonymous submitter from Canada: “I got back to my desk after lunch on a Friday and found this heartfelt note on my keyboard. I was touched.”

Adds our submitter: “I worked my ass off on that damn report!”

related: Oh sweetie, I love it when you talk dirty!
extra credit: TPS report cover sheet

This bit of poetry is brought to us by Alex in Vancouver, an innocent observer on the scene.

After messing up his back, Clay in Knoxville figured he’d give a chiropractor a shot. But when the doc he saw refused to show him the x-rays he’d taken until after a “seminar” about payment plans — oh, and treatment options — Clay decided to take his aching back elsewhere. A few days later, he got this caring follow-up letter in the mail.

UPDATE: Too good to be true, you say? Clay clarifies: “The reason I didn’t block out the “Woodacre” is that it was wrong — it was wrong on my charts and I pointed it out to the receptionist. One page even had a “verified by” signature on it and ALL my information was wrong. I have no idea how they got the address right on the envelope and wrong on the letterhead (the same as on the paperwork I pointed out to them), but they did.”

related: Happy to be of service

Writes an anonymous submitter in Peterborough, Ontario: “This past year, my roommates and I had a stranger rent the extra room in our house, and he turned out to be a socially oblivious slob we spent the entire year picking up after.” As frustrating as the situation was, his roommate Andrew can’t seem to fully distance himself from his inborn Canadian niceness, even in this final send-off.

related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten

Spotted by Anna on the wall of an apartment complex in Phoenix…

Meanwhile, in Ottawa…it’s comforting to know that even when Mom isn’t there to do your laundry, she can still help you guilt-trip your neighbors.

related: I wiped between my legs with those towels!

The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.

Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago

Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas

Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update

Exhibit d) stating the obvious

related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)