Entries Tagged as 'that’s illegal'

Oh, sure, blame it on the crackhead.

September 6th, 2011 · 56 Comments

Take it from Whitney, kids: “Crack is whack.” (And it makes you an easy scapegoat for pretty much anything and everything.)

From Akron, Ohio:

The crackhead theives [sic] have been busy stealing our stuff, inside + out. Please report all crackhead sightings to SPD [phone number redacted]

From Toronto:

DEAR CRACKHEADS: Please don't steal the empty porn cases. They don't have much of a street value, and since crack/heroin renders you impotent anyways, we really don't see the logic in your decision making abilities. Big Kiss. 7/24 Staff

From New York City:

To the Crackhead who samshed in my windows

From Pueblo, Colorado:

Billboard

From Phoenix:

The fucking neighborhood Crack Head stole my broke down wore out mat bike what will the Dumb Ass Steal of yours next

From Seattle:

dear crackheads: please stop being crackheads. you thank

And lastly, from South London:

Squirrels on Crack

related: So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · drugs · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal

The restaurant patrons from hell

January 18th, 2011 · 344 Comments

It was a the peak of the lunchtime rush, explains our submitter, a waitress at a busy Chili’s restaurant, and these customers made it clear early on that they weren’t happy with their meal. As you can see from the check, she says, “My manager already comped $18 dollars worth of food that they complained about” — not to mention that when the entrees were remade (for free), the customers ate every last bit — and enjoyed a free dessert as well.

“Apparently, that wasn’t enough, however,” our submitter says. At the end of the meal, “they were still charged for the appetizers they ordered (which they devoured and didn’t complain about),” but somehow they still felt morally superior enough to dine and dash. Adds our waitress: “Tipping may be optional, but walking out on your bill is still theft.”

Absolutely Horrible Service !! Therefore we are only paying half.

Meanwhile, this customer’s approach (as submitted by Thomas in Palo Alto), is just bad form. Homophone fail!

No tip cuz your a BITCH

related: A friendly tip from your waitress

Tags: restaurant · that's illegal · tipping

Maybe if you had just an itty-bitty limp?

February 17th, 2009 · 342 Comments

First of all, the disclaimer: Our anonymous submitter in Houston lives in an apartment complex with very limited parking for residents. “When I come home from work late at night,” she explains, “the handicapped parking spot is typically the only one available.” That excuse, however, doesn’t seem to cut it for one of her neighbors.

As you’ll see from the note left on our submitter’s windshield, this eagle-eyed neighbor perhaps isn’t what you’d call “book-smart,” but — gosh darn it — what she lacks in basic spelling and grammar skills she more than makes up for with raw gumption and a steely sense of self-righteousness!

To my horror, you don't have a single bit of a limp.

[Rough translation, from our anonymous submitter: "I see that you are not handicapped, but you park in the handicapped parking spot in our apartment complex. I am not handicapped, and I don't know anyone in the complex who is, but I feel entitled to tell you to stop parking there.  Furthermore, I feel entitled enough to have your car towed if you park there again."]

related: Mahvelous, just mahvelous

Tags: "helpful" advice · Houston · kinda creepy · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · parking · smiley · Texas · that's illegal

The audacity of theft

June 6th, 2008 · 152 Comments

Writes an anonymous submitter in Houston: “A neighbor in my building put up an Obama yard sign on the door of her apartment around the time of the Texas primary. When it disappeared, I assumed she took it down herself.”

Then up went this note — a cheerful bit of propaganda that oh-so-subtly disproves all those ugly stereotypes about “self-righteous Obama supporters” with a colorful blaze of moralistic tsk-tsking and First-Amendment flag-waving. (Woo! Obama ’08!)

To the not so neighborly Republican or Hillary support who STOLE my Obama sign: PLEASE return it. Although I am unable to locate a stipulation in the lease that prevents the expresion [sic] of my first amendment rights, I would be more than happy to display the sign inside my apartment rather than on the door. However, STEALING is not only illegal, it's downright tacky. Just put it outside my door and I'll take it inside. THANKS! OBAMA '08!

related: A little bit of shameless gloating

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Houston · neighbors · politics · rainbow-colored · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal

Or take a cab!!!

April 14th, 2008 · 73 Comments

Cameron says the window cases in her college dorm are typically filled with run-of-the-mill upcoming event calendars or bland motivational posters, so this educational display caught her a little off guard.

or take a cab!!!

related: No bread and circuses! But maybe an ice cream social?

Tags: college life · driving · New York · RA · that's illegal · visual aids

Your move, “officer”

January 1st, 2008 · 63 Comments

Emily from Boston summed this one up beautifully, so I’m going to let her take it away. Writes Emily:

1. I’m not making this up.

2. The 389 Highland Ave referred to in the note is a shop called “Your Move Games.” They have a basement where dorky kids congregate and play D&D and WoW and such. Evidently the author and his six witnesses are patrons.


3. Not only is the number six circled, but it is underlined — not once, not twice, but three times.

4. Note the close up. Under the crossed out section it reads “go fuck yourself you corrupt [something i can't make out]. Whatever it was, he rethought his wording and decided to go with a subtler “you’re corrupt.”

I'm not paying this, you're corrupt.

Seriously, this note is a work of art.

related: nice try

Tags: gaming · Massachusetts · parking · raging against the machine · Somerville · that's illegal · the po-po

Nice try

October 29th, 2007 · 203 Comments

Lanqui spotted this note on a moped that was locked to a street sign in Greenwich Village. That bit of orange there? Yup, that would be a ticket.

To parking cop:  This is a moped, not a motorcycle. This engine is smaller than that of a scooter's even (think vespa). Therefore it should be fine to lock up on the sidewalk.

Tags: excessive underlining · New York · parking · raging against the machine · scooters & mopeds · that's illegal · the po-po · woulda shoulda coulda

A fancy feast

September 4th, 2007 · 126 Comments

Joshua brings us this amazing pair of notes from his apartment building in Philly.

The backstory: “A bulk package of cat food (probably 20 or so cans) was delivered and sat in the hallway for about 4 or 5 days.  We could see what it was because the sides of the package were cardboard, but the top was clear plastic. (Like what you’d find at Costco).  On day 3 or 4 of the cat food being left in the hallway, the plastic had been torn back and a few cans were taken.” The next day, the package was claimed, and this note appeared…

Many thanks to whoever opened up a package that was addressed to me, and stole $19 worth of cat food. Opening up someone else's mail is a federal offense. I hope your cat chokes on the food. :)

Two days later — luckily, after Joshua snapped a photo — the note disappeared. In its place…

To whomever put up the note wishing death upon something's cat over $20, I (ZF) took the note down. I didn't steal your cat's food. I don't have a cat. Did you consider the evil felon who stole your cat's food doesn't live here? There have been a number of workers in the building lately and the food sat there for days. Anyway, I found the note irritating and a little weird (wish cats dead and all) and took it down.

A day later, the response note was torn down, too.

Tags: cats · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Philadelphia · rebuttals · smiley · stealing · thanks (but not really) · that's illegal