These two notes — both from Oregon — give me the urge to grab a gigantic fistful of napkins…and then noisily blow my nose with them. I mean, really. Wouldn’t a simple “Al Gore Knows” have sufficed?

(Thanks to Anonymous in Wilsonville and Brad in Albany for submitting!)

related: Your light switch has blue balls.

These notes — the first from on office in California, the second from an office in Arkansas — both seem like they’re following the same not-quite-finished flowchart for acceptable office paper usage.

Really, you’re in for a scolding no matter what. And as our submitter Hannah noticed — in this bizarre exchange from the copy room at a school in Spartanburg, South Carolina — contrition only seems to further incense the office Paper Nazis.

related: Nothing fosters community like shared networked printers!

Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

related: Al Gore knows

“I have lived in my crappy building for over two years,” says our submitter from New York’s East Village. “It provides great entertainment, as we get a new set of notes built up on the wall every few months about issues such as people stealing Internet or the building smelling like cat pee. Then someone tears them down and we start over. (Though the building does usually smell of cat pee.)”

In the latest installment of note wars, the opening strike was launched by (she thinks) the building super.

Then some other anonymous apartment dweller threw in his or hew own (slightly flashier) take on the matter.

And lastly…

UPDATE: The box weighs in.

And as for that whole “New Yorkers are jerks” stereotype? This cardboard breakdown — spotted by Dianna in Santa Barbara, California — shows that when it comes to condescending rants, East Coasters don’t have a monopoly on rudeness.

related: Stick this down your garbage chute

So, apparently this is a thing.

At a service station in the U.K., as Kerrie from London noticed, personal safety is the justification.

At a University in Florida, it’s cleanliness.

Meanwhile, in Canada…

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except for ZOMG the Dyson Airblade!!!)

When Sarah saw this notice posted in the restroom of a Chicago movie theater, she says, “I was thrilled to find a company willing to admit what I have always secretly felt: that despite their tree-saving abilities, electric hand dryers suck.”

Scott was also thrilled to spot this sign in the men’s room of a bar in Council Bluffs, Iowa. “It’s mainly the incredibly bad spelling and punctuation that I love about it,” he says. (The less-than-incredible attempt to drum up excitement for those “fast and new hand blowers”?  Not so much.)

related: And a very happy Earth Day to you!

extra credit: Air Hand Dryers May Leave Bacteria on Hands, Says Study [greendaily.com]

“I have no traces of child paraphernalia in my Mini Cooper,” says our submitter from Alexandria, Virginia — and she didn’t buy her car for environmental reasons. (“I bought it because I’m a Mini fan,” she says, “regardless of the global impact.”) So, as you might imagine, she was more than a bit puzzled to find this note under her wiper blade.

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

Who needs a water cooler? Nothing fosters “community” like shared networked printers! Need proof?

First up, an anonymous submission from a cubicle farm in Rochester Hills, Michigan. (Not pictured, our submitter says: two additional copies of the same “Pomptly” note to the left and right of the original.)

And from Illinois…

From Omaha, Nebraska…

(And from Brooklyn…and just about everywhere else, from Glastonbury, Connecticut to Geneva, Switzerland.)

Meanwhile, Melissa from San Francisco was recently at the D.C. bureau of a news magazine for a press meeting, but being a devoted PAN-ista, she managed to sneak out of the conference room while the coast was clear to make sure she could capture this shot for us. (So please excuse the blurriness.)

related: this is not positive communication