Entries Tagged as 'the po-po'

The not-so-laid-back part of Portland

July 30th, 2012 · 69 Comments

“I don’t know the back story here,” says Katie in Portland, Oregon, “but it seems like a better solution would have been to just, I don’t know, not park illegally?”

Dear Neighbor, Please extend the courtesy of ringing my doorbell and speaking to me before calling Parking Enforcement again. Thank you, Terri

related: How NOT to get out of a parking ticket

Tags: neighbors · parking · Portland · the po-po

Urban Warfare

November 27th, 2011 · 82 Comments

Perhaps the neighbors are Skyrim fans?

Dear Neighbors, I apologize for any loud

related: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Call of Duty on pause

extra credit: ‘Modern Warfare’ removes one team’s call of duty [wtop.com]

Tags: gaming · Illinois · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · p.s. · the po-po

The circle of Hell Dante forgot to mention

December 23rd, 2010 · 51 Comments

So, I’ve been thinking about it (!) but I’m still not entirely clear about what type of eternal damnation Christmas-ornament thieves should supposedly be condemned. Perhaps some sort of Sisyphean untangling of Christmas lights?

There's a special place in Hell for people who steal Christmas ornaments! (think about it!)

One thing seems certain, however: no matter what your belief system, some type of divine retribution is in order.

For the people or kids who stole all the xmas rubber duckies and then the very last solitary duckie, I hope you realize this fence is private property and I will still call the police. Also:

Thanks to Wade in D.C., Jack in Santa Monica, and Emma in L.A. for their submissions!

related: Imagine…Christmas morning…You!!

Tags: Christmas · karma's a bitch · stealing · the po-po · you're like so going to hell

How NOT to get out of a parking ticket

December 2nd, 2010 · 109 Comments

Exhibit a) From Chicago’s Wrigleyville neighborhood, “where cars, if not stolen, are ticketed with glee by the local constabulary”:

Please stop giving me tickets.  I already have 3 this week.  I am obviously broke already. I have ordered my new sticker.  It's in the mail.  I can't make it get here faster.  Have some mercy, you are ruining my life.

Exhibit b) From Duluth, Minnesota, where “cutting you a break” is just not what the po-po does:

Please! Don't give me a ticket. My back tire is flat & I plan to fix it tomorrow. It would would [sic] be AWESOME if you cut me a break!

Exhibit c) As spotted by Kristopher in Indianapolis, Indiana, where protest songs about the injustices of $20 parking citations have yet to catch on:

Fuck you and your ticket!!

Exhibit d) From Boston, a odd note with an oddly poetic sense of meter:

Meter Person You know I was working, thanks a lot my family didn't need the $40.00 at all. (You just cost the residents more money)

related: Your move, “officer”

Tags: car · money · parking · the po-po

Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

June 9th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

The pigs Female and male that pi on the Elevator we know who they are. Next time we are taking the police to your house.  Super

Due to the countless people hopping the moment the elevator car stops, we have found it is necessary to install new elevators.  While work is in progress, please remind yourselves that the laws of physics are not to be trifled with, and please use the other two fully functioning elevators.

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

Tags: elevator · piss · spelling and grammar police · the po-po

The Good Samaritan

September 17th, 2009 · 205 Comments

Julia in Australia attended a New Year’s Eve party in an affluent neighborhood. The next morning, after she came to, she realized her digital camera was missing. when she back to search for it, she found this sign posted up all around the local park.

funny note from neighbor to drunk girl

related: oh, the rancher and the mcmansioner should be friends

extra credit: i’ll say sorry, but i’m not taking off my glasses [youtube]

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Australia · drizzunk · neighbors · noise · p.s. · the po-po

Repestect yourself

June 29th, 2009 · 159 Comments

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

If you like to do graphity, dont do it. Pull your pants down and graphity your ass. Repestect this building and if you dont repect it do it in your own building. This is not Prospect Park. This building is being recorded 24/7 and if your taped, you will go to jail. Do not right back on this paper knock on Apt 2B if you don't like this message. -Management

related: Your are welcome to our home

Tags: bizarro spacing · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · elevator · graffiti · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2009 · now that's management · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · the po-po · your/you're

So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

November 19th, 2008 · 131 Comments

A little object lesson for the kids in Tulsa, Oklahoma…

This Used To Be A Drug Dealer's Car Now It's Ours!

(Where’s the line item for window decals in the budget for the war on drugs, ya think?)

related: Tokyo Police Club

Tags: excessive capitalization · Oklahoma · the po-po · Tulsa

Your move, “officer”

January 1st, 2008 · 63 Comments

Emily from Boston summed this one up beautifully, so I’m going to let her take it away. Writes Emily:

1. I’m not making this up.

2. The 389 Highland Ave referred to in the note is a shop called “Your Move Games.” They have a basement where dorky kids congregate and play D&D and WoW and such. Evidently the author and his six witnesses are patrons.


3. Not only is the number six circled, but it is underlined — not once, not twice, but three times.

4. Note the close up. Under the crossed out section it reads “go fuck yourself you corrupt [something i can't make out]. Whatever it was, he rethought his wording and decided to go with a subtler “you’re corrupt.”

I'm not paying this, you're corrupt.

Seriously, this note is a work of art.

related: nice try

Tags: gaming · Massachusetts · parking · raging against the machine · Somerville · that's illegal · the po-po

I’ve got my eye on you

November 27th, 2007 · 135 Comments

Laura spotted this punchline of a note (“you know it’s time to move out when…”) at her apartment building in downtown Brooklyn. Or rather, her former apartment building. It’s unclear whether the note-leaver was motivated by recent research suggesting that pictures of eyes may deter crime.

Attn: To the Ass-hole who keeps breaking & entering this building to steal the locks off the doors, you will be caught.

Meanwhile, Kim in Worcester, Massachusetts spotted a convenience store taking a similarly whimsical approach to theft prevention.

Did you know? Stealing is a crime. When we catch you we will call the police and have you arrested. We are watching you and so are the camera's [sic]. Say cheese!

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · Massachusetts · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · the po-po · Worcester