PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » TL;DR http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 See, this is why people hate vegans. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/06/self-righteous-vegan/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/06/self-righteous-vegan/#comments Wed, 06 Jul 2011 21:03:56 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18887 “When I moved in a year ago, my roommate was an ovo-lacto vegetarian, whereas I was (and still am) an omnivore,” explains our submitter in Brooklyn. “She used to not care about my eating habits, but about four months ago she decided to become a full-blown vegan and has been insufferable since then. Yesterday I went food shopping for myself, and when I came back from work today I found this letter on my bedside table.”

(Yeah, the writing is a little hard to read — just wait for the page to load completely, and then click the images below to enlarge.)

I have to be blunt with you.

Why do you buy SO MUCH meat?

related: Carnivore? Keep being awesome!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/07/06/self-righteous-vegan/feed/ 788 When Stage Moms Attack! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/20/drama-camp-drama/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/20/drama-camp-drama/#comments Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:00:22 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18158 “This is part of an exchange that took place between parents of kids involved in a summer theater program,” our submitter explains. “My 10-year-old daughter was also part of the summer production, and I shared the e-mails with her as a shining example of what the term ‘passive-aggressive’ means.”

(Just click on the images to enlarge, or mouse over to read the transcriptions.)

I apologize if I am ruining the performance because my daughter, [redacted], will not be able to make the Saturday FROG performance time. All of the children have rehearsed together for six weeks, and it is going to throw the whole performance because she is going to be in her aunt's wedding instead (which, by the way, we found out about after signing up for camp). Apparantly [sic],

From day one of camp I have heard nothing but bad reports regarding your daughters behavior. She is disrespectful to the staff and other camp participants. I don't believe the expectations of the camp are unreasonable as it is a group effort and children need to lean [sic] accountability and commitment regardless of age. I understand that a wedding is also important and I am not sure how I would handle the situation. I am certainly not defending any behaviors of the camp staff or how they might have handled your particular situation. The bigger impact on "the whole performance" has been her behavior and not the fact that she cannot attend on Saturday. I am disappointed that you would use the entire email list to air your laundry. This is something that should have been handled directly with [redacted] and your behavior is disrespectful to the kids, parents, and staff.

Thank you for your response. I apologize that your misinterpreted my message and that it apparently offended you, but my email was a sincere apology to the parents. I know there are some children [redacted] has made friends with, and m email was a very brief explanation of why she would not be in camp/the performance so they could convey this to their children if questions arose. I felt it necessary that if parents wanted to prepare their children for the change they would encounter in camp/the performance they could do so. I know some children do not do well with change, and informing them that is coming is a huge benefit. Had I wanted to "air my laundry" in the email I would have written in detail what I think of how the situation was handled, my opinion on the people involved, etc... I in no way disrespected anyone in my explanation -- it as merely that. On another note, it is not good form to criticize a child's behavior as having an "impact on the whole performance" she will no longer be in. My daughter is a good child, and I find it sad that you feel otherwise. I find it alarming that I was never notified of such disrespectfulness. If there had been a problem with her behavior it should have been brought up with her father or I. In any case, I hope you enjoy the performance and your child does wonderfully.

related: No money, no trophy

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/20/drama-camp-drama/feed/ 93 Oh Grandpa, you tell the funniest bedtime stories! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/12/that-will-be-a-rough-day-for-you/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/12/that-will-be-a-rough-day-for-you/#comments Wed, 13 Apr 2011 03:18:55 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=18080 Hannah spotted this gem above the sink of dirty dishes in her San Francisco office.

Someday when you're wondering why you're alone and society has all but crumbled around you, you'll think back to the dishes you left in the sink and you'll say

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/04/12/that-will-be-a-rough-day-for-you/feed/ 65 Take a moment and look up the word RUDE. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/06/look-up-the-word-rude/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/06/look-up-the-word-rude/#comments Thu, 06 Jan 2011 22:13:11 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17404 Just in case you were still under the impression that leaving an anonymous note will somehow allow you to maintain the moral high ground, take a look at this classic neighborly exchange from Drew‘s apartment building in Atlanta.

I have never been in your apartment and I doubt I ever will be. However, I think I would be correct in saying you have at least one bookcase. Within that selection of books, there is probably a dictionary. Take a moment and look up the word RUDE. If you do or if you already know the meaning of the world, you should know then that this describes YOU! Your radio or television wakes me up practically every morning at 5:30 and there are several nights it played late at night. I don't appreciate it and if it continues, I will take action which will not be favorable - talking to the apartment office. Thus, consider this a one time warning. I never thought anyone would be some thoughtless or rude as you but maybe you have never tried to improve on this undesired behavior. You better start before it becomes too late!

Drop the passive-aggressive posture and simply be an adult and ask next time!

related: I hope your cat chokes

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/06/look-up-the-word-rude/feed/ 76 Need another reason to ditch the elevator for the stairs? Two words: nose grease. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/19/elevator-nose-grease/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/19/elevator-nose-grease/#comments Fri, 19 Nov 2010 22:12:43 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17040 Our submitter, April, fills us in on a little background: The CMB building on the UT-Austin campus is home to Austin’s local PBS station, KLRU, and NPR affiliate, KUT, as well as classrooms for the University’s Radio-TV-Film department.

Apparently, one of the jokers frequenting this building is fond of pressing his or her nose on the surface of the stainless steel elevator doors — or at least that’s the conclusion drawn by the exasperated author of the following screed.

Hey guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease. I just thought I'd drop you a line and tell you about the sunshine that you bring me every day. Y'know sometimes I come in to work with a frown on my face because of the heady political and social times we are living through. I'll be all cloudy and stormy as I walk into CMB but then, what do I see? I see a wonderful and original work of art that's drawn on the stainless steel doors of both elevators. Yes, it doesn't even matter which one I get on because you (as a true artist) have taken full advantage of every canvas that is offered to you.

related: Some suggestions for elevator small talk

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/19/elevator-nose-grease/feed/ 67 Another 4-year-old gets wise to the cruel, cruel world we live in. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/28/another-4-year-old-gets-wise/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/28/another-4-year-old-gets-wise/#comments Thu, 28 Oct 2010 19:25:17 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16831 With Halloween upon us, it’s not just uprooted flowers that are breaking the hearts of 4-year-olds around the world. Now entire families (of pumpkins) are being destroyed!

PLEASE DO NOT steal our pumpkins! Our four year old daughter was heart broken about seeing HER pumpkin busted in the street. We DID have a momma pumpkin, a daddy pumpkin and a baby pumpkin, we were planning on carving them as a FAMILY this weekend. You took our JOY when you STOLE our pumpkin.

Once again, this compulsive over-sharing seems to be a uniquely American phenomenon. As Archie in Brighton witnessed, the Brits manage to get straight to the bloody point.

Who ever stole our kids pumpkin we hope it chokes you. Sarah, Kevin and the children cared and watered the pumpkin patch for weeks.

related: People suck. (A valuable lesson for any four-year-old)

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/28/another-4-year-old-gets-wise/feed/ 128 People suck. (A valuable lesson for any 4-year-old) http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/21/people-suck-a-valuable-life-lesson-for-any-4-year-old/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/21/people-suck-a-valuable-life-lesson-for-any-4-year-old/#comments Fri, 22 Oct 2010 03:46:15 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16794 Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”

To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)

Dear Thief, A child helped to plant the flowers you stole - so that everyone could enjoy them. She is 4 years old and loves puzzles, nature, and learning new things. You have introduced the topic of 'stealing' into our conversations; and in response we are talking about anger, reasoning and loss. I'm telling you this because I would like you to replace the plants. I could say more offensive things that she cannot yet spell - but aren't, in a sometimes disappointing world; forgiveness and redemption greater things to believe in, and 'please' a nicer word to say - this is a request and an opportunity for yourself. Santa may come for you after all!

Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*

To the person/s who ripped out the flowers - could you please explain your motives to the 4 year old who planted and watered them daily. He doesn't yet understand what an arsehole is!

*Apologies. Bad pun intended.

related: To the person who stole my flower (sniff)

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/21/people-suck-a-valuable-life-lesson-for-any-4-year-old/feed/ 160 The Toilet Paper Ministry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/24/the-toilet-paper-ministry/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/24/the-toilet-paper-ministry/#comments Wed, 25 Aug 2010 02:28:49 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16392 Hey, look — it’s almost the entire 12-step program in one note! I especially like the abridged version: “To the idiot who stole: the world is your oyster.”

To the idiot who stole the toilet paper from here (Upper left-hand drawer, to be be exact) I think its time you re-examined your life. Is your main goal in life to root through drawers looking for something to wipe your ass with, or is there something I'm missing? Sure, you might have gotten away clean (Pardon the pun), but you really have to ask yourself if this is what all your hopes and dreams turned out to be.

related: Is your washroom breeding Bolsheviks?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/24/the-toilet-paper-ministry/feed/ 70 Sorry to break it to you http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/05/sorry-to-break-it-to-you/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/05/sorry-to-break-it-to-you/#comments Mon, 05 Jul 2010 22:55:13 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=15289 The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).

It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory:  ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”

Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”

Don't flatter yourself

related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/05/sorry-to-break-it-to-you/feed/ 101 The joys of teaching http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/01/the-joys-of-teaching/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/01/the-joys-of-teaching/#comments Thu, 01 Jul 2010 22:44:47 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=15242 Our submitter, an English teacher in Thailand, received this letter from a parent so notorious at the school for notes like this that she has her own nickname among the staff — “SS, as in nuttier than squirrel shit.” The exasperating part, our submitter says, is the mother’s uncanny ability to “correct” non-mistakes in her daughter’s essays. (“As you may guess from reading, the daughter’s English is better than her own,” she says.)

And as tempted as she was to correct the mother’s grammar in her note, “I had to stop, for fear of my head exploding.”

Hope we are on the same direction

If that note left a bit of a bad taste in your mouth (or you’re one of those short-attention span “TL;DR types,”) not to worry: enjoy this end-of-the-year note written to a first-grade teacher in Atlanta. No, it’s not passive-aggressive…just adorable.

Dear Mr. [Redacted], You were the best teacher a student could ever have! I love my class too! I am sad that I'm going to second grade. If I had a choice between you getting killed and my favorite tree getting chopped down, I would choose my favorite tree getting chopped down.

related: Sympathy for the Devil

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/07/01/the-joys-of-teaching/feed/ 98 So…I’m guessing you don’t get many visitors in your neck of the woods. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/27/so-im-guessing-you-dont-get-many-visitors-in-your-neck-of-the-woods/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/27/so-im-guessing-you-dont-get-many-visitors-in-your-neck-of-the-woods/#comments Fri, 28 May 2010 03:58:42 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14778 Our anonymous submitter saw this notice up in Canada’s Yukon territory. “I always knew that dogs were a very important in the life of the Yukoners,” she says, by way of explanation…an explanation that, frustratingly, explains next to nothing about these people or their “visitors.”

To all non-pet-owners who visit and like to complain about our pets

Also, re: points #4 & 6 — my dog isn’t very good at coming when called, but he happens to love hanging out with “drug-using people.” (Lots of Cheetos crumbs and whatnot to lick off the floor.)

related: Your are welcome

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/27/so-im-guessing-you-dont-get-many-visitors-in-your-neck-of-the-woods/feed/ 90 Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/04/23/passive-aggressive-poetry-corner/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/04/23/passive-aggressive-poetry-corner/#comments Fri, 23 Apr 2010 05:01:35 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14076 So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Their Sink, My Sink, Your Sink It's against our wishes if you soak your dishes cause the sink's not a soaking place. Quick! Scrub 'em clean-make 'em really gleam. Watch a 'thank you!' smile appear on every face. So don't walk away- don't soak it- just clean it! (Wash it right now! You can finish in a minute!) Cause it's not just your sink, it's their sink and my sink. Please be considerate. Don't clutter the sink by leaving your items to soak. THANK YOU!

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

A Poem Wash your dishes It's not that hard You weren't born in a barn Or a stable, or a yard The sink is too small To have dishes build up It's really not complicated To wash a small cup Your housemates aren't your servants Or your keepers, or your mothers Those who wash their own things Needn't worry about the others When there's only one of something Please keep that in your mind In the sink and dirty Makes things really hard to find We know we love each other That's nothing to deny So wash your freaking dishes Or I'll stab you in the eye :)

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Please be a dear and do your dishes here for if you do not, the house will be wrought with people dismayed by the mass that's displayed and hence are not able to dine at the table for lack of clean wishes restricts their good wishes

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

Soaking Cup Haiku Dried flecks of cat food Circling the rim of the cup Oh - it's your oatmeal.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/04/23/passive-aggressive-poetry-corner/feed/ 115 Actually, I am offended…above all, by your atrocious spelling. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/03/01/actually-i-am-offended-above-all-by-your-atrocious-spelling/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/03/01/actually-i-am-offended-above-all-by-your-atrocious-spelling/#comments Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:20:18 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=13572 “This was posted after the author cleaned the house which consisted entirely of her own mess,” says our anonymous submitter in the U.K.

Of course, when you live with multiple roommates, it’s always somebody else’s mess. (Or should I say…I’ts?)

Hi Guys Look, you might find this note kinda Impertenant [sic] cos I don't engage in house-cleaning very often, but that is because I clean up after myself as I go! Plus I have a full time job so I'm too damn tierd [sic] of an evening to worry about other peoples mess, but lately I'ts [sic] become such a state that I've spent a couple of evenings: neatening the kitchen, taking out copious amounts of garbage, wiping down the work surfaces, and clearing the party debris out of the living room! the point of this note is to say that I WILL NOT be washing the mountin [sic] of dishes!

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/03/01/actually-i-am-offended-above-all-by-your-atrocious-spelling/feed/ 110 Sonic Boo http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/14/its-sonic-good/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/14/its-sonic-good/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 02:22:50 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=13181 As a Valentine’s Day gift to you all, I present you with this epic love story (which Teddie in Minneapolis discovered pinned to the bulletin board in his apartment building).

Teddie’s love note to this love note: “I love that this person (he? she?) used commas, ellipses, and possibly a semicolon, but no periods. I also love how the all-caps rant in the middle segues into a plea to be Myspace friends again with an offhand ‘anyway.’ Also, what happened to her dad?”

Dear Deseray [redacted], I love you, First of all and I pretty much always Loved you really u was tha Best girlFriend I ever had you Know, you meant the world to me even though you was cheating on Her with Me everytime you was angry at Her For dancing with alot of girls at district or when your Love and affection fubbed OFF on Me and you really didn't even care, But anyway's I Miss you and talking to you and PLEASE TELL CORY dat I am sorry I Really AM, I just couldn't Help it I knew her LONGER than you and well after a While She Found Me SUPER ATTRACTIVE, and I did the Same For Her and Pretty Much everyBody kept saying dat we was great couples and SHIT you know YOU was the ONE For ME deseray I SWEAR TA MUdAFUCKING GOD you was My only Love For Me deseray. I AIN'T Never Felt No Love Like you and us...your my Guardian Angel and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER MORE, anyway I wish you can UNBLOCK me OFF Myspace so I can Talk to you instead of having to come all the way here on the Bus and write This shit in person you know, Anyway Hit Me up my # is [redacted] OKay and again I Love you and Miss you and will always Love you Sincerly [illegible] [redacted] A.K.A Sonic ur Boo Forever P.s; Sorry For what Happen to your DaD Too I had the Same Feeling...Love You xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh, Charles. You are so SUPER ATTRACTIVE I can hardly help myself. Deseray doesn’t know what’s she missing!

related: perfect for each other

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