PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » U.K. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Sat, 19 May 2012 23:52:51 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 FYI from your neighbors across the way http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/14/we-can-see-you-shagging/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/14/we-can-see-you-shagging/#comments Mon, 14 May 2012 09:01:58 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=21512 Nicola in Edinburgh woke up and opened the shades one morning to discover this message from the flat directly across the street. “After all my flatmates were questioned about what they have been up to last night, we decided it must be the flat next to ours,” she says.

2nd Floor We can see you shagging

related: The Devil’s Orchestra

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/14/we-can-see-you-shagging/feed/ 38 60% of the time it works every time http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/05/this-is-what-caffeine-deprivation-looks-like/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/05/this-is-what-caffeine-deprivation-looks-like/#comments Sat, 05 May 2012 18:40:43 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=21469 Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called - I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/05/this-is-what-caffeine-deprivation-looks-like/feed/ 27 A belated birthday/thank you card http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/02/a-belated-birthday-card/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/02/a-belated-birthday-card/#comments Wed, 02 May 2012 22:14:37 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=21464 Ashley in Sheffield received this lovely belated birthday card from a neighbo(u)r.

(Nicely done, Laura.)

Dear Ashley, Happy Birthday. Hope you had a great evening. Thanks very much for keeping me awake by you and your friends screaming and shouting in the street. Enjoy your day of sleeping it off. I have to go to work and function on no sleep. Thanks again, Laura.

related: If you were the one who was so drunk or so stupid…

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/02/a-belated-birthday-card/feed/ 102 Right…that seems like a logical response. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/03/13/you-slam-i-steal/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/03/13/you-slam-i-steal/#comments Tue, 13 Mar 2012 21:49:37 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=21144 Dave in London returned home one day to find all of his clothes missing. Apparently, this was his roommate’s rationale.

When you slam the door I woke up and feel deprived of sleep all night. Therefore I took your clothes. I hope you got the point.

related: “Dollar sign flower slams easily”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/03/13/you-slam-i-steal/feed/ 49 The slippery slope is slippery http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/26/slippery-slope/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/26/slippery-slope/#comments Mon, 27 Feb 2012 01:48:19 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=21040 When it comes to this particular student share house, “It seems that the pure, unadulterated essence of corporate greed is found in forgetting to turn of the tap,” our submitter writes. “Clearly, society is a snarky bitch.”

Louise, not everyone has chosen the same destructive path as you have, mindless corporate MUPPET, and not everyone wants to set the world ablaze with greed, extortion and squander. So please, next time you use the toilet, turn the tap off. Many thanks, Society

P.S. Corporate Muppet, you say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: A not-so-friendly handshake

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/26/slippery-slope/feed/ 53 The Vicar of Glibly http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/06/the-vicar-of-glibly/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/06/the-vicar-of-glibly/#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2012 05:05:01 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=20920 Spotted by George outside his local church in East London:

The vicarage drive is in constant use. Please consider your ETERNAL SALVATION before parking here without permission!

related: He died for your clip art

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/02/06/the-vicar-of-glibly/feed/ 29 This vending machine ruined my life! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/18/no-sugar-no-future/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/18/no-sugar-no-future/#comments Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:35:39 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19937 Ah, first world problems.

The coffee vending machine gives coffee options in the order

(Spotted by Kim in Manchester, U.K.)

related: My query on the egg salad ban

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/18/no-sugar-no-future/feed/ 94 XXX, Mum http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/12/xxx-mum/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/12/xxx-mum/#comments Sat, 12 Nov 2011 23:44:31 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19744 James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

Dear James, Yes, your laptop HAS been used - I couldn't find my charger. Sorry. P.S: You should probably delete your search history - your Gran would be shocked. P.P.S: You know Internet Explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it's called Incognito Mode, I think. Happy viewing! Lots of love, Mum. XOXO

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

related: “Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/12/xxx-mum/feed/ 88 The unfinished story of the unhappy door http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/06/the-unhappy-door/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/06/the-unhappy-door/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:12:54 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19728 The missing last line of this story: “Unfortunately, it just made people slam the door more loudly out of spite.”

Once upon a time there was a door that was rather unhappy. Every day people would allow the door to slam very loudly. The door was a very thoughtful door, so it very sad about the people who allow him to slam and cause such a disturbance. One day one person had the idea to leave a subtle note on the door with the hope that this note would tactfully encourage people to stop slamming their f&*king doors. -The end-

(Upon publication, this story was roundly slammed by reviewers.)

related: “The life of a toilet is much more stressful than people realize”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/06/the-unhappy-door/feed/ 71 Happy National Sandwich Day! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/03/happy-national-sandwich-day/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/03/happy-national-sandwich-day/#comments Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:10:36 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19725 Would you care to furnish the last line of this haiku?

Who stole my sandwich! (Could it be the) SANDWICH THIEF!!

related: Sandwich guilt

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/03/happy-national-sandwich-day/feed/ 80 Mellon Collie and the Seasonal Sadness http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/29/mellon-collie/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/29/mellon-collie/#comments Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:36:18 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19650 Halloween: smashing children’s dreams, one pumpkin at a time. (Sigh)

MESSAGE TO THE VANDAL WHO SMASHED UP THE PUMPKIN ON THIS PLOT: The pumpkin was intended for my 4 year old niece to carve at Halloween. She has spent the last 4 months watching it grow and is now understandable rather upset that you've smashed it for no apparent reason than to

(Spotted by Toby in the U.K.)

related: Another four-year-old gets wise to the cruel, cruel world we live in

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/29/mellon-collie/feed/ 123 Where cursing thieves with crippling violence has a 2000-year-old precedent http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/04/bath-curse-tablets/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/04/bath-curse-tablets/#comments Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:19:57 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19508 Spotted by Vicky at an antiques shop in Bath, England: a modern twist on the ancient local tradition of curse tablets. (To quote Wikipedia: “About 130 curse tablets have been found at Aquae Sulis, now Bath in England, where many of the curses related to thefts of clothes whilst the victim was bathing.”)

Notice, to all prospective Shoplifters: We strongly recommend that prior to committing your despicable act you purchase one, or maybe two, of our very reasonably priced walking sticks (only £2 each) because if we catch you they will be a vital aid to you for at least 6 months. -Rolfey's P.s We also have a multi camera CCTV system

related: Law & Order: Social Media Unit

extra credit: Curse tablets of Roman Britain

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/10/04/bath-curse-tablets/feed/ 28 Nobody does a “polite notice” quite like the Brits http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/20/polite-notice-to-dog-owners/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/20/polite-notice-to-dog-owners/#comments Wed, 21 Sep 2011 02:38:17 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19433 “One of our local parks has a busy tea shop that’s popular with walkers, cyclists, families and people exercising their dogs,” says Clive in Brighton. “I don’t blame them for getting fed up with demanding dog owners, and I suppose a note is one way to communicate, but in rhyme? And, worse, rhyme this bad?”

We walk our dogs in Stanmer Park/We go to the cafe where they sit and bark/We put out water, sell doggy biscuits at the till/We provide a lead so they sit still/So when we are busy at the till and doggy water needs a fill, please give us a thought, please don't moan/Just collect your dog and take him home/Next time when doggy wants to roam bring some water and don't moan/we are here to do a job, and it's up to you to care for your dog

related: A polite notice to the owner of this marvelous vehicle

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/20/polite-notice-to-dog-owners/feed/ 38 Hampstead Row Houses (and Rows over Houses) http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/18/twisted-knickers/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/09/18/twisted-knickers/#comments Sun, 18 Sep 2011 23:09:35 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19396 David spotted this oh-so-charming scene while cycling through the well-to-do area of Hampstead, London.

Adds David: “The completely knackered fence is in front of an overgrown plot and right next door to a well looked-after house (possibly owned by old folk who are convinced the neighbourhood has gone to ruin.”)

This disgraceful eyesore of a fence is owned by a firm of architects. A profession dedicated to the art of landscaping!

This disgraceful eyesore of a fence is owned by a firm of architects. A profession dedicated to the art of landscaping!

Meanwhile, Alison was a bit perplexed by this note (and the seemingly undisturbed hedge below) in West Hampstead. “I stared at the hedge for ages trying to work out what was wrong with it,” she says. “Finally I just took a picture and ran away.”

We apologise for the state of this hedge. It is the result of an act of vandalism by a resident in this building. We are taking action.

We apologise for the state of this hedge. It is the result of an act of vandalism by a resident in this building. We are taking action.

related: An eye for an eye, an eyesore for an eyesore

extra credit: An American’s Guide to Britishisms [effingpot.com]

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