Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Citation: Copier Abuse

December 15th, 2014 · 22 Comments

Alice in Fresno says that since this sign went up, she’s made a point of greeting the copier every time she passes it. The coworker who wrote it was apparently tired of hearing people cursing out the (stupid!) machine when it screws up (all the damn time!).

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TALKING TO, OR ABOUT, THE COPIER.

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

Tags: anthropomorphism · Fresno · office · the printer

Is this a tanning booth or a barnyard stall?

November 20th, 2014 · 49 Comments

Writes Joanna in Pennsylvania: “Following (apparently) more than one incident in which a customer relieved themselves in the stand-up tanning booths in my town, this signage was posted in every tanning booth. Because, ya know, people need to be reminded to not just randomly crap themselves every time they get naked.”

A $250 booth cleaning and repair fee will be charged to your account if you have an "accident" while tanning. Please use restroom prior to beginning your tanning session

Adds Joanna: ” Yes, I asked an employee and the incidents in question involved #2!” If it makes you feel any better, Joanna, it turns out your problem is far from unique to south central PA.

 

related: On preparing a hide for tanning

Tags: Pennsylvania · shit · that's unsanitary

So that’s what they mean by “makes mouths happy”

November 16th, 2014 · 32 Comments

Karen in Council Bluffs, Iowa spotted this unsigned note taped to the vending machine in the office breakroom. It sounds like somebody certainly got their 75 cents worth, no?

with regard to the twizzlers nibs...I opened the package and gnawed on the first three I put in my mouth and, as expected, they were chewy. But there was more. There was this strangle tingly sensation in my mouth that I have never quite encountered before. That wasn't so bad though as it was countered by the euphoric high with brilliant colors swirling about. Unfortunately, the comedown was bad.

related: Raging against the (vending) machine

Tags: candy · Iowa · office · vending machine drama

They take their white carpet very seriously.

September 29th, 2014 · 35 Comments

Alice in Columbus, Ohio noticed this note taped to the door of a neighboring apartment. “I guess the tenants must have taken over a place that had formerly housed drug dealers and they were fed up with people coming by looking for drugs,” she says. “The note begins amiably enough — ‘Take shoes off at door’ — then takes quite a turn with its devastating conclusion.

Take shoes off at door. We don't sell drugs. Don't look in the window. ***You will be shot.***
related: This not a brothel!

Tags: Columbus · drugs · not-so-veiled threats · Oops?

This used to be a pretty doormat.

September 26th, 2014 · 25 Comments

Out submitter in Chicago notes that, remarkably enough, within a day or so of this note being posted (or rather, secured with packing tape to the floor), the oh-so-pretty doormat magically reappeared!

This used to be a pretty doormat until some dumb fuckin' asshole took it

(I’d like to imagine that this was the stolen doormat in question.)

THE NEIGHBORS HAVE BETTER STUFF

related: Wrath mat

extra credit: How to keep a doormat from being stolen [metafilter.com]

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · stealing

Don’t leave a kitchen sucker punch

September 24th, 2014 · 29 Comments

Suzanne’s office in Chicago is filled with lots of so-called “creatives” — you know, the types who are too busy working on BIG IDEAS to deal with the banalities of, say, dirty dishes. Finally, someone decided it would take a real heavyweight to draw some attention to the problem.

Hi! I'm George Foreman.

related: Right/wrong justified

Tags: Chicago · kitchen · office

You dirty rat, you killed my childhood

September 21st, 2014 · 92 Comments

Sue in Northbrook, Illinois says that some 10 months after tricking her 6-year-old daughter with Jimmy Kimmel’s “I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candy” challenge, little Mia remembered the prank and, with a renewed sense of outrage, stormed off to express her anger in note form.

Mia’s mom notes that she’s normally referred to as “Mommy” by her daughter (and by her friends as “Sue”), so she knew she was in trouble when she saw this missive addressed to “Susan.”

Cupcakes are sweet like Mia. The ground is dirty like Susan. Why did you play the jolk [sic]

related: The Parent Tax

Tags: candy · Chicago · Halloween · kids · Mother-daughter notes

What if God were a cyclist?

September 15th, 2014 · 26 Comments

Glen found this magnificent notice attached to a lamppost on 4th & Jackson in San Jose.

Stolen!!! You stole my bike! Yeah you did. You came up and grabbed it and knew exactly where it was so I know your (sic) around this 'hood! Seen me riding it before too huh!?! Just wait till (sic) I see YOU riding it! I'll call the cops real quick homie! Oh wait, you sold it? Not likely, it didn't ride very well and the parts were hella old. Doubt anyone wants it anyway, probably won't get you that much. So just bring it back and I'll give you some recyclables. Turn to doing good or face the wrath of GOD!!!

related: I hope you step on a Lego!

Tags: bicycle · God · San Jose · spelling and grammar police

But…but…I’m late for bingo!

September 11th, 2014 · 41 Comments

Zee spotted this warning in the basement parking garage of her small senior citizens‘ building in Indiana, where, she says, “a few of the residents prefer posting anonymous notes to dealing with their issues directly.”

*PLEASE* SLOW DOWN SPEED IS 10 MPH NEXT TIME I WILL PUBLISH YOUR NAME AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!

…and other residents, not so much.

If you know their name, why not talk to them directly - or to the board - instead of leaving a passive-aggressive note?

related: That means you, young man in the blue Subaru!!

Tags: driving · Indiana · old folks · rebuttals · you know who you are

A warning from the diet police

September 8th, 2014 · 95 Comments

Abby spotted this dubious bit of dietary advice at her local supermarket in Catonsville, Maryland.

1 egg has more cholesterol than Big Mac. Try a fruit salad.

Adds Abby: “Maybe whoever wrote this should spend all the free time they have (obviously a lot) researching the nutritional value of eggs (protein) vs. fruit (carbs).”

related: The anti-milk militia

Tags: food · Maryland · unsolicited feedback