Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Playing chicken

March 23rd, 2015 · 72 Comments

So, this is what happens in Jacksonville, Florida when one neighbor accuses another of harboring illegal backyard fowl:

NO!!! WE DON'T HAVE CHICKENS OR ROOSTERS!

inappropriate hashtag

related: Cock fight!

extra credit: On the backyard chicken trend [npr.org]

Tags: #inappropriatehashtag · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jacksonville · Oops?

Parking spots in Boston? It’s snow joking matter.

February 24th, 2015 · 150 Comments

This year, one Boston neighborhood tried to ban the time-honored practice of using space-savers to reserve a parking spot after shoveling it. But old habits die hard…and somewhat violently.

When it comes to space-saving, says our submitter from Boston, “I get it. I respect it!” But after two of her own “space savers” were stolen, she figured the rules were off. One night, she says, “As I was looking for open parking , I pulled into an unclaimed space, thinking, what luck! No chair in sight!” Too good to be true, it turns out. When she returned to her car, she found this. (Thoughtfully kept dry in a plastic bag, I assume.)

You must be new to Boston or just a complete cock sucker because a chair in the space means I worked my ass off shoveling for hours. You're lucky I'm nice, most people would key your car.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Boston…

related: Shoveling and sniveling

extra credit: The social ethics of parking spot savers [wbur.org]

Tags: Boston · parking · snow

Yours Truly, The Skid Marker

February 3rd, 2015 · 143 Comments

Our submitter says this note (and the accompanying response) was posted in the ladies restroom of a busy medical complex in Florida.

Yours Truly, The Skid Marker

related: POEP!

Tags: Florida · office · rebuttals · shit · toilet

Sinners in the hands of an angry American

January 29th, 2015 · 76 Comments

Amanda in Florida works near a lovely bridge where, she says, “you are almost assured to see manatees at every visit.” On one side of this bridge is “a very beautiful home”…and now this very disturbing sign.

I hope God takes pity on your soul because my nostrils are eager to be filled with he stench of your burning flesh as you descend into the depths of hell

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: die bitch die · Florida · not-so-veiled threats · public shaming · you're like so going to hell

Citation: Copier Abuse

December 15th, 2014 · 24 Comments

Alice in Fresno says that since this sign went up, she’s made a point of greeting the copier every time she passes it. The coworker who wrote it was apparently tired of hearing people cursing out the (stupid!) machine when it screws up (all the damn time!).

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TALKING TO, OR ABOUT, THE COPIER.

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

Tags: anthropomorphism · Fresno · office · the printer

Is this a tanning booth or a barnyard stall?

November 20th, 2014 · 50 Comments

Writes Joanna in Pennsylvania: “Following (apparently) more than one incident in which a customer relieved themselves in the stand-up tanning booths in my town, this signage was posted in every tanning booth. Because, ya know, people need to be reminded to not just randomly crap themselves every time they get naked.”

A $250 booth cleaning and repair fee will be charged to your account if you have an "accident" while tanning. Please use restroom prior to beginning your tanning session

Adds Joanna: ” Yes, I asked an employee and the incidents in question involved #2!” If it makes you feel any better, Joanna, it turns out your problem is far from unique to south central PA.

 

related: On preparing a hide for tanning

Tags: Pennsylvania · shit · that's unsanitary

So that’s what they mean by “makes mouths happy”

November 16th, 2014 · 32 Comments

Karen in Council Bluffs, Iowa spotted this unsigned note taped to the vending machine in the office breakroom. It sounds like somebody certainly got their 75 cents worth, no?

with regard to the twizzlers nibs...I opened the package and gnawed on the first three I put in my mouth and, as expected, they were chewy. But there was more. There was this strangle tingly sensation in my mouth that I have never quite encountered before. That wasn't so bad though as it was countered by the euphoric high with brilliant colors swirling about. Unfortunately, the comedown was bad.

related: Raging against the (vending) machine

Tags: candy · Iowa · office · vending machine drama

They take their white carpet very seriously.

September 29th, 2014 · 35 Comments

Alice in Columbus, Ohio noticed this note taped to the door of a neighboring apartment. “I guess the tenants must have taken over a place that had formerly housed drug dealers and they were fed up with people coming by looking for drugs,” she says. “The note begins amiably enough — ‘Take shoes off at door’ — then takes quite a turn with its devastating conclusion.

Take shoes off at door. We don't sell drugs. Don't look in the window. ***You will be shot.***
related: This not a brothel!

Tags: Columbus · drugs · not-so-veiled threats · Oops?

This used to be a pretty doormat.

September 26th, 2014 · 26 Comments

Out submitter in Chicago notes that, remarkably enough, within a day or so of this note being posted (or rather, secured with packing tape to the floor), the oh-so-pretty doormat magically reappeared!

This used to be a pretty doormat until some dumb fuckin' asshole took it

(I’d like to imagine that this was the stolen doormat in question.)

THE NEIGHBORS HAVE BETTER STUFF

related: Wrath mat

extra credit: How to keep a doormat from being stolen [metafilter.com]

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · stealing

Don’t leave a kitchen sucker punch

September 24th, 2014 · 29 Comments

Suzanne’s office in Chicago is filled with lots of so-called “creatives” — you know, the types who are too busy working on BIG IDEAS to deal with the banalities of, say, dirty dishes. Finally, someone decided it would take a real heavyweight to draw some attention to the problem.

Hi! I'm George Foreman.

related: Right/wrong justified

Tags: Chicago · kitchen · office