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Entries Tagged as 'Alabama'

The Message on the Milk Carton

February 4th, 2013 · 71 Comments

Explains Johnny in Alabama: “My friend Lauren left this for my brother Jared when she let him stay at her house for a few weeks. Every day she would come home and have a glass of milk and iced coffee. One day, she discovered that Jared had emptied the milk once already and had replaced it with milk from the gas station. It wasn’t the ‘weird expensive milk that she buys,’ and to make matters worse, he hadn’t checked the expiration date. The second time it happened he accidentally put the empty carton back in the fridge and came home later to find this note” — complete with a ‘hidden’ message.

Friday I walked into the house after a long day at work. It had been a great day  until I entered the kitchen, at which point I found that the milk was gone. Who  could have done this? I had just bought that milk yesterday! When I left it in the  kitchen I'd even written my name on it. You were the only person in the house, sir. I know it was you that left me to drink  orange juice. I am not mad, just disappointed. Fortunately for you, I am a kind and  understanding friend, and I only ask that you replace what you've taken.  BUY MORE MILK AND IT BETTER BE ORGANIC NOT THAT SHIT YOU GOT AT THE GAS STATION LAST TIME.

related: The Boy Who Drank All The Milk

Tags: Alabama · milk · most popular notes of 2013

Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

December 11th, 2011 · 43 Comments

In Joe’s Tuscaloosa neighborhood, a lot of folks go all-out with their Christmas decorations. While driving around the other night admiring the various Griswold-style scenes, Joe was especially amused to stumble upon this outlier.

MEH

Perhaps they took inspiration from the house below on the right?

<---- DITTO

related: Providing a “friendly holiday spirit”

Tags: Alabama · Christmas · most popular notes of 2011 · smartass

And yes, I will go completely ‘PC Load Letter’ on your ass if you ask me another question about this damn printer.

October 12th, 2011 · 47 Comments

“My buddy has to share his office with the only color printer on the floor,” says Murray in Birmingham, Alabama.

(Based on this note, I wouldn’t be surprised if he shared his office with a Louisville Slugger, too.)

OUT OF ORDER -Yes it's really not working -Yes, we've called I.T. -Yes, they've called a repairman -No, I don't know when it'll be repaired -No, I don't know where you can print your stuff in color -Yes, we have cycled the power and cleaned the sensor. Thanks!

related: Yes, it’s a longer walk to the copier. Yes, it’s a shorter walk to the bathroom.

extra credit: Office Space Printer Montage [vimeo.com]

Tags: Alabama · let me stop you right there · office · the printer

A citation from the fat police

August 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments

Writes an office worker in Alabama: “A co-worker attends a weekly cooking class in town, and this week they made a Cinnamon Roll Casserole. The co-worker decided to bring it in to work and share it with the office.” The nerve of some people!

Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff

related: Loose lips shrink hips

Tags: "helpful" advice · Alabama · e-mail · food · hey fatty · office · office cop

It’s not rocket science.

March 30th, 2011 · 74 Comments

Our submitter in Huntsville, Alabama says one of her male co-workers shared this note from the men’s restroom at their office. “And yes,” she says, “we really do work for NASA.”

Hey. You. You know who you are. This. This is not OK. We just.. had.. this.. fixed. Do NOT. Paper-mache. The toilet. Three squares of paper. Three wipes. Maybe four if you're feeling adventurous. Flush multiple=

By the way, if you’re traveling to Indonesia any time soon, you can pick up some papier-mâché materials of your very own!

NASA Toilet Roll

related: Toilet-flushing memo from the Empire State Building

extra credit: Mary Roach explains “fecal decapitation” and other toilet issues astronauts encounter in space [thedailyshow.com]

Tags: Alabama · all clogged up · most popular notes of 2011 · office · toilet · toilet paper · you know who you are

Are you ready for some football?

June 27th, 2010 · 109 Comments

No, not the World Cup — we’re talkin’ good ol’ American college football. After all, as the homepage of the The Huntsville (Alabama) Times will tell you, kickoff is only a short 68 days away!

If you live in a town like Huntsville, Alabama, it’s beyond the scope of most folks’ imaginations that one simply wouldn’t care about something as earth-shatteringly important as football. As our submitter, a reporter at The Huntsville Times, explains, “We’re one hell of a football nation here — you either root for the University of Alabama Crimson Tide or Auburn University.”

So, our submitter concludes, “I’m guessing this letter comes from an Auburn fan.”

OU READY FOR SOME MORE BAMA FOOTBALL? NO!!! Actually, we are sick of all your Bama football. That's all you print anymore — Bama headlines, Bama articles, Bama pictures — huge headlines, long articles, big pictures. You're supposed to be a newspaper, not a sportspaper. We want news -- not all the Bama crap. Stop pandering to the Alabama crowd and give us real news instead. There are a lot of us who don't believe the whole world revolves around the Crimson Tide.

UPDATE: Another postcard-to-the-editor from the Huntsville Times’ number #1 reader!

related: A day in the life of a crank

extra credit: “The Death of Print Journalism”

Tags: Alabama · CAPS LOCK · football · most popular notes of 2010 · newspaper

Stupid is as stuiped does

May 26th, 2010 · 79 Comments

CT and his friends were driving home from the beach when they stopped at a gas station in Luverne, Alabama and found this posted next to the men’s bathroom.

“The ‘Danger!’ sign below was apparently the first attempt to keep people from opening this door,” says CT. “God only knows what’s behind it. I’m assuming this door of unspeakable power continued to get opened, prompting the posting of the second sign.”

If you open this door your [sic] either can't read or your [sic] stuiped [sic].

Hey, I feel your pain, gas station attendant, having to deal with so much stupidity all day long. But — with the help of Rachael in Portland — I think I’ve found someone else who can relate.

Allow me to introduce Lily. She’s 8.

Today my stuiped [sic] MOM thought I spanked my STUIPED [sic] sister with a spoon. Then my mom was working and she told me to go to my room. When I asked her if she could come here she said No I'm doing something more important so I'm not important I guess. Heart, Lily

related: An anonymous rant against anonymity

Tags: Alabama · gas station · kids · Portland · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

’Bama bombs

January 7th, 2010 · 81 Comments

Tripp was visiting his friend’s dorm at the University of Alabama when he spotted this note from the floor’s RA posted on the door to the men’s bathroom.

Adds Tripp: “I’m with the person who added on to the note. A bunch of teenage boys probably aren’t going to be spending that much time hocking loogies at the shower walls.” To which I would add: “Ewww, gross.”

Are you sure it's spit?

P.S. Hook ’em Horns!

related: Who takes a crap in the shower?!

Tags: Alabama · college life · RA · shower · that's disgusting

Especially Deborah

August 17th, 2008 · 215 Comments

As this sign from a Montgomery, Alabama breakroom shows, “PopCorn Users” remain one of the most persecuted groups in the workplace today.

Microwave PopCorn Users (Especially — Deborah) Do Not Burn PopCorn Do Not Leave PopCorn Unattended Stay Here While popcorn cooks

related: Bizarre pardoning accident

Tags: Alabama · bold-underlined-caps · excessive underlining · gloriously redundant · high on highlighter · irregular capitalization · microwave · Montgomery · most popular notes of 2008 · office · popcorn

At least it wasn’t “Grand Valse”

September 16th, 2007 · 191 Comments

According to a 2006 Harris poll, office-workers say annoying ringtones are one of their biggest pet peeves — second only to office loud talkers. So I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen more notes like this one, which Flickr’s Heather Champ found taped to her (chirping) cell phone once upon a time.

ringtone.jpg

What’s your pick for the most obnoxious ringtone award?

Tags: cell phone · Mobile · more aggressive than passive · office · San Francisco · Yahoo