Entries Tagged as 'Arizona'

The Hunger (Mind) Games

March 25th, 2012 · 85 Comments

…because if there’s one thing you can do to help the starving children of Africa, it’s to eat a cupcake. (Sigh.)

That said, nobody wants the damn thing after you’ve taken a bite out of it. Don’t try to assuage your guilt/food issues by telling yourself that someone else will eat it.

Who can't finish a mini cupcake?! There are starving children in Africa you know. Signed,  Someone who doesn't like to see dessert wasted. :(

related: The Nibbler — the plague of office breakrooms everywhere

extra credit: Charity Navigator’s top-rated charities providing aid to victims of famine and drought in Africa

Tags: Arizona · cake · guilt trip · office · sad face · Tucson

Thank You, Merry Terry!

December 19th, 2011 · 24 Comments

It’s a PAN miracle! After reaching a hilltop on a holiday hike, Mary in Phoenix found this decorated desert tree.

A gift from Merry Terry of Phoenix

Upon closer inspection, Mary noticed this (only slightly cranky) message from “Merry Terry.”

Merry Terry says enjoy this tree. I expect some help next year.

Altogether now, everyone…

related: Thank You Terry!

Tags: Christmas · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · holiday spirit · Phoenix · WTF?

God may love you, but I can’t speak for the rest of the office

October 16th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Various religious-themed notes have been popping up all over our submitter’s workplace in Phoenix, Arizona. “Several co-workers have found these messages in their offices, stuck in between papers, and written on whiteboards,” she says, but so far no one has come forward to claim authorship.

One of most recent notes showed up in the office kitchen one morning.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless

Another note turned up beside it sometime after lunch.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless Poor grammar has no place in the Lord's Kingdom. :)

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again.

Tags: God · irregular capitalization · office · Phoenix · smiley · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

Please change.

July 7th, 2011 · 55 Comments

Our submitter in Tucson, Arizona was a little perplexed by the sign hanging up in newly-assigned cubicle, but didn’t think much of it. When he finally got around to asking his bosses about it, they somewhat cryptically responded that the last person to work in that cubicle “had a problem with change.”

(It’s unclear who made the decision that a change of job was in order for that particular ex-employee.)

CHANGE is Good! We like CHANGE! CHANGE is our FRIEND!

Meanwhile, Bethany in Bakersfield, California still isn’t quite sure what to make of this note, which she found on her desk one morning at work. (“Did someone start to write a message and get distracted two words in?” Or am I living my life in such a way that they simply can’t handle it any longer?”)

Bethany, Please change

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

Tags: California · now that's management · office · Tucson

Dear nice person: you will get caught or cancer and that makes me happy.

February 23rd, 2011 · 62 Comments

Laura in Tempe, Arizona found this note posted in the laundry room of her apartment complex, where it’s common knowledge that if you wash your clothes late at night, you’d best grab as they’re done.

Now, I realize not everyone will appreciate the subtlety of this kind of crazy. And sure, notes about stolen laundry aren’t all that uncommon. But for some reason, the peculiar syntax and semi-twisted tone of this one really got me. English majors, can we get a close reading here?

Dear nice person whom stole my laundry out of dryer 17, you are a low-life and I still recall your acts. You will get caught, or cancer and that makes me happy.

related: Panty raid!

Tags: Arizona · laundry · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · stealing · Tempe

An old dog, up to the same old tricks

January 12th, 2011 · 116 Comments

One day, says Nancy in Arizona, her dad was getting in his car during his lunch break from Lowe’s (the home-improvement big-box store), when he found this note tucked into his door frame.

“He was surprised,” Nancy says, but instead of taking the contrarian approach, dear old Dad decided to humor the person and move his car one spot over. At the end of the day, he actually got a glimpse of the notewriter — a “rather old lady” who works as the store’s phone operator.

“We spent a lot of time discussing her possible reasons for wanting that specific parking spot back,” Nancy says — especially given that it doesn’t seem to have any particular advantage over the other 500 or so spots in the lot — but in the end, they just had to laugh.

I've parked in this space since 2002 I'd like my space back if you don't mind. Thank you

related: I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible: don’t park in my spot.

Tags: Arizona · old folks · painfully polite · parking

In case of emergency…well, you’re on your own.

August 30th, 2010 · 72 Comments

In one of my clearest memories of first grade, I distinctly remember my teacher telling us, on the first day of school, that the bathroom in the back of the classroom was only for emergencies. For non-emergencies, we’d have to wait until lunchtime. In my six-year-old mind, however, “emergency” meant only one thing: “throwing up.”  And so, when I had to go, I held it. And held it. Until…well, I wasn’t holding it anymore.

That’s right: It actually took wetting my pants for me to learn that the word “emergency” means very different things to different people — a concept some people apparently still haven’t figured out.

It’s unclear, for example, what might constitute a “citrus emergency” at this Pleasanton, California optometrist’s office. (Perhaps a masochistic mandarin peeling itself?)

NO CUTIE FINGERS IN THE LAB! CUTIE FINGER BUSINESS CAN BE CONDUCTED OUTSIDE THE LAB UNLESS IT'S AN EMERGENCY. THANK YOU.

You might think people would be a little more precise in their language on a military base. At Arizona’s Fort Huachuca, you’d only be about half right.

NO WALK-INS EXCEPT FOR EMERGENCIES SUCH AS DEATHS & PAYROLL PROBLEMS

At Gustavo’s new office building in Seattle, it only took about a week — and about a bazillion false alarms— before someone decided a little clarification was necessary. (Sorta sounds like something you’d expect from a classroom of first-graders, no?)

Do not push this button unless the building is on fire and it is a big fire. Thank you. -Floor 21

Meanwhile, Andrew in Cirencester, England only noticed this sign after pushing open one of his office’s alarmed fire doors (triggering a sudden and unforeseen occurrence — i.e., ear-shattering noise).

SECURITY NOTICE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY EXIT AND SHOULD ONLY BE USED IN AN EMERGENCY. THEREFORE, PLEASE DO NOT OPEN DOOR UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY. THE MEANING OF THE WORD EMERGENCY IS AN UNFORESEEN OR SUDDEN OCCURRENCE. e.g. YOU OR OTHERS ARE IN DANGER AND NEED TO EXIT THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY.

related: Gee, thanks for the clarification

Tags: Arizona · California · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · obnoxious definition · office · Seattle · U.K. · WTF?

What do God, recycling, and ultramarathons have in common?

August 9th, 2010 · 62 Comments

Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

Nothing with personal information on it! Everything else! I have to run 100k marathon, you bitches can recycle. It's God's Way. :)

related: Al Gore knows

Tags: Arizona · crazy boss · God · recycling · smiley · WTF?

Stone cold crazy like a fox

August 5th, 2010 · 72 Comments

For her 28th birthday, Jennifer in Arizona received this thoughtful card from her mother-in-law (who apparently comes from the same school of gift-giving as my own Grandma Cookie).  “Since April I’ve lost 15 pounds,” Jennifer explains. “Apparently she’s concerned that I’ll gain it back.”

Your [sic] doing So great. Didn't want you to Have too much, But just enough. Have a great Birthday!

related: Take this and go buy yourself a couple of scales, okay, sweetie?

Tags: Arizona · birthday · ice cream · irregular capitalization · Mothers-in-Law · your/you're

We live in a nice community with nice neighbors (before you started posting notes)

June 16th, 2010 · 135 Comments

Chris found this not-so-nice note in the laundry room of his nice townhouse complex. What’s interesting here is how the author seems to undermine his or her own logic. (As Chris put it, “I know it’s really pathetic to steal a dryer sheet and a quarter, but really, is it that big of a deal?”)

If it’s not about the 25 cents, but rather, the principle of the thing, well…which is worse? To take a quarter from an empty laundry room, knowing that one of your neighbors left it there? Or to post a dick-ish anonymous note for all to see…instead of, say, keeping your damn quarters in your pocket like everybody else?

To the INDIGENT who stole MY dryer sheet and MY quarter that I left on MY washer while MY clothes were washing..and yes, I know who you are... Are you THAT fuckin poor that you have to steal a quarter??  Grow the fuck up.  We live in a nice community with nice neighbors (before you moved here). I've left quarters and dryer sheets on my washer many times, and they've never been taken til now. You can tape a dollar to this note if you have any kind of a conscience...otherwise, expect some bad karma comin back at ya...

related: I know where you live, laundry thief

Tags: ellipses-crazed · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · grow up · I know who you are · karma's a bitch · laundry · message to all intended for one · money · neighbors · stealing · Tucson