Entries Tagged as 'California'

Citation: Copier Abuse

December 15th, 2014 · 23 Comments

Alice in Fresno says that since this sign went up, she’s made a point of greeting the copier every time she passes it. The coworker who wrote it was apparently tired of hearing people cursing out the (stupid!) machine when it screws up (all the damn time!).

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TALKING TO, OR ABOUT, THE COPIER.

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

Tags: anthropomorphism · Fresno · office · the printer

What if God were a cyclist?

September 15th, 2014 · 26 Comments

Glen found this magnificent notice attached to a lamppost on 4th & Jackson in San Jose.

Stolen!!! You stole my bike! Yeah you did. You came up and grabbed it and knew exactly where it was so I know your (sic) around this 'hood! Seen me riding it before too huh!?! Just wait till (sic) I see YOU riding it! I'll call the cops real quick homie! Oh wait, you sold it? Not likely, it didn't ride very well and the parts were hella old. Doubt anyone wants it anyway, probably won't get you that much. So just bring it back and I'll give you some recyclables. Turn to doing good or face the wrath of GOD!!!

related: I hope you step on a Lego!

Tags: bicycle · God · San Jose · spelling and grammar police

The taking tree

July 10th, 2014 · 54 Comments

Our submitter lives in a group of eight cottages in Alameda, California. She writes: “One of my neighbors, Mark, has a lemon tree and he always tells everyone to ‘Help themselves!’ However, last week, someone took the last lemon — which really upset Mark. A couple hours later, we noticed what looked like a peach on the lemon tree.”

The Taking Tree

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors

Tis the season for white lies, kid.

December 22nd, 2013 · 109 Comments

Writes Siegrin in California: “My friend started teaching at a new school this year and received this note from one of her (fifth-grade) students on the last day before the holiday break. It’s almost as uplifting as the doughnut she received from her fellow teacher, along with a note that read, ‘If you’re watching your weight, feel free to not eat the doughnut.”

Dear Mrs. A, thank you for being our teacher and teaching us as best you can. I wanted Mrs. F or Mr. C but I was wrong. You are the Best Teacher Ever! Thank you for being the best and trying to teach us the best you can to pass every test. Thank you and Merry Cristmas!! (Star, Heart, Happy Face)

related: You’re a good student, but not my best speller

Tags: California · Christmas · just being honest · schools & teachers

But…you said not to flush anything down the toilet?

December 3rd, 2013 · 70 Comments

Writes Sarah: “I am deeply sorry, long-suffering San Diego Public Library, for whatever past incident(s) made this sign necessary…though I do appreciate the superfun font!”

ATTENTION: Please do not discard plastic bags with urine in this receptacle

related: Colostomy bags!

Tags: library · piss · San Diego · so this is a thing?

(Cat) Lady of the Night

October 22nd, 2013 · 95 Comments

Dear late-night cat: plz discipline ur lady. kthxbai.

A MESSAGE TO THE LATE NIGHT CAT LADY  1. DO YOU REALLY THINK STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AT 1 AM AND CALLING IN A HIGH, LOUD VOICE IS THE BEST WAY TO BRING HOME YOUR CAT?  2. DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR CAT CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE AND NOT YOUR NEIGHBORS?  3. DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR NEIGHBORS ENJOY YOU WAKING THEM FROM SLEEP AT 12, 1, OR 2 AM ON A NEARLY DAILY BASIS?  SUGGESTIONS: 1. BRING YOUR CAT IN BEFORE 10 PM.  2. REALIZE THAT YOUR VOICE CARRIES AND THE HOUSES ON THIS STREET ARE CLOSE TOGETHER.  3. CONSIDER GETTING A DIFFERENT PET - MAYBE A GOLDFISH.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

Tags: "helpful" advice · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · Oakland

Another year without the Great Pumpkin

October 17th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Well, it’s that time of year again…time for heartless hooligans to smash pumpkins (and with them, the hearts of small, gourd-loving children).

David in California spotted this sign next to a small field of corn and pumpkins located next to a popular public jogging trail.

Whoever stole the Big Pumpkin you broke a little boy's heart

related: It’s hard out there for a pumpkin.

Tags: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Halloween · stealing · Won't somebody think of the children?

Four horsemen…and a microwave

October 15th, 2013 · 25 Comments

Rachel in California says the breakroom at her office hasn’t caused many problems in the past, but a recent wave of new hires has changed that. “The last time I opened the microwave it was stuffed with paper towels, the walls were slathered in orange goop, and it smelled like rotting horse flesh.” (In other words, like a frozen lasagna from Tesco?)

Is this a post-apocalyptic world where the blacks and whites of morality have blurred into a hazy grey and every man takes care of himself and only himself? No? Then CLEAN THE MICROWAVE AFTER YOU USE IT!

related: Someday, when society has all but crumbled around you…

Tags: California · cleaning · microwave · office

Check out this sick whip

August 18th, 2013 · 61 Comments

“I’m not a car guy,” writes our submitter from Los Angeles, “but I’m in love with my neighbor’s car. I walk by every day hoping a ‘For Sale’ sign will show up.” Today, he happened to found this note (which I read more like the beginning of a story story) stuck to the windshield instead.

My wife doesn't want me playing paintball with you anymore. I'll see ya at church.

Check out this sick whip!

related: Signed, Your Proud Wife

 

Tags: car · Los Angeles · love & marriage

Please take your pants out of the window

July 11th, 2013 · 54 Comments

“Every once in awhile,” writes Sarah in San Diego, “some disgruntled person in my condo building slides a (always unsigned) note under my door declaring their fury at some minor offense. This is the latest.”

Pls take your pants out of the window. This is a holiday! Everyone is laughing. Thank you.

“For the record,” Sarah adds, “said pants were bright-pink Lilly Pulitzer circa 1985; put near a window to dry — I don’t trust my thrift shop purchases to just any dryer — and I think only added to the general festivity of July 4th as they fluttered in the cross breeze!”

related: Sentimental pants

Tags: neighbors · San Diego