Entries Tagged as 'Los Angeles'

The Craft Services DTs

January 16th, 2013 · 47 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in L.A. says this opus was posted at the kitchen of a production company working on a network television show…where at least two people seem to have too much time on their hands.

To the hilarious slob who left the mess in the kitchen, good one! Ha ha! LOL! However, I ask you, are you bored with your job? Do you not have enough to do? You must have some spare time as you seemed to have gone out of your way to make such a mess. Or, maybe you have too much to do, so much that you don't have the time to clean up. From either scenario, I can deduce that you likely have a time management problem. You need to dig deep down inside and determine the root of the problem.

related: Dear Desperate for Salad

Tags: cleaning · kitchen · Los Angeles · TL;DR

Welcome to Los Angeles

June 28th, 2012 · 52 Comments

Writes Lesley in Los Angeles: “My friend owns a store in Downtown L.A., and he constantly gets people (mostly tourists) coming in to ask him where they can find a public restroom. I guess he finally got fed up.”

All bathroom info requests must be done in iambic pentameter. (Also, we don't know where any public restrooms are. Welcome to downtown Los Angeles.)

related: The town recommends you hold it.

Tags: Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2012 · retail hell · toilet · tourists

The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag  I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash  Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle  Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office

Or…how about no signs at all?

May 31st, 2012 · 37 Comments

Scoffs our submitter in Los Angeles: “Because as a healthy, functioning, adult, you really need to be reminded that you’re a good person for cleaning up after yourself.”

Can we put up any positive signs?

related: Three never-ending office arguments

Tags: Los Angeles · microwave · office · rebuttals

I judge you as fat

May 21st, 2012 · 220 Comments

Eerac and I met up in Barcelona last week, where we climbed lots and lots of stairs. The one time we didn’t, of course, the Metro station totally called us out.

Barcelona

Eric and I are still climbing stairs (now in Poland and Portugal, respectively), where we haven’t yet seen any similar signs. Back in the States, however, Christine in L.A. spotted this rather harsh version in the elevator of a 7-story university residence hall.

I judge you as FAT when you take the elevator from the lobby to floors 2 and 3* Take the STAIRS! You NEED it! *Unless you're injured or carrying heavy shit or in a wheelchair.

related: Buffalo, please use the elevator

Tags: elevator · hey fatty · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2012 · way harsh

Well, Randy Newman? Let’s hear you write an Oscar-winning song about a dirty sponge.

March 1st, 2011 · 40 Comments

Kate in Los Angeles likened this office post-it pile-on to “the Toy Story of the office kitchen — when you’re away, all of the inanimate objects start talking.”

So…Dreamworks, Pixar — let’s talk options, shall we? (“It’s Toy Story meets The Office — a guaranteed hit in all four quadrants!)

related: The paper towels want a voice in where they live, okay?

Tags: anthropomorphism · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2011 · saga · smartass · sponges

Signed, R. Mutt

February 12th, 2011 · 35 Comments

What’s wrong with America today? If you ask Jason in Los Angeles, it’s people who don’t return their shopping carts. At least, that’s the action that prompted this note (which was originally attached the the upright cart itself).

Do you really have to be this ghetto, trashy, and lazy? Take your carts back so this apartment doesn't look like trash.

That note, in turn, inspired this Dadaist creation:

It's ART now. Happy? ya Bitch! —Santa

related: Untitled (Broken Glass)

Tags: art · Los Angeles · neighbors · smartass · that's trashy

What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

September 30th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Well…lots of stuff.

You! Yeah you! Listen, you know what’s really difficult? Lots of stuff. For example:  • Running a marathon • Faking your own death • Trekking across the arctic tundra • Wrestling grizzly bears • Living to be 118 years old • Building a rocket ship • Flying a rocket ship • Breaking out of jail • Swallowing 10 light bulbs • Sharpening 3 pencils simultaneously  Most people wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t accomplish these tasks. They’re hard.  You know what’s not very difficult?  • Replacing the toilet paper roll  All you gotta do is look in that cupboard to your right. There’s a whole bunch of new rolls in there. If not, there’s more in the storage room by the kitchen.  If you’re having trouble with the dispenser, fear not. It’s actually a pretty simple feat to master. All you have to do is grip onto the cylinder and pull on it in a direction parallel to the wall. You’ll notice that due to the spring mechanism inside the cylinder, there is now a space in which the cylinder can be removed, thereby freeing it from the wall-mounted assembly. Now simply slide a new roll of toilet paper onto the cylinder and reverse the cylinder-removal process so that it is securely fastened to the wall assembly. The new roll should be able to spin freely on the cylinder, ready for the next person to use.

And yet, somehow, the employees at this office in Edmonton still can’t quite make TP happen. (Maybe wrestling grizzlies is more their forte?)

You! Yeah you! Listen, you know what’s really difficult? Lots of stuff. For example:  • Running a marathon • Faking your own death • Trekking across the arctic tundra • Wrestling grizzly bears • Living to be 118 years old • Building a rocket ship • Flying a rocket ship • Breaking out of jail • Swallowing 10 light bulbs • Sharpening 3 pencils simultaneously  Most people wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t accomplish these tasks. They’re hard.  You know what’s not very difficult?  • Replacing the toilet paper roll  All you gotta do is look in that cupboard to your right. There’s a whole bunch of new rolls in there. If not, there’s more in the storage room by the kitchen.  If you’re having trouble with the dispenser, fear not. It’s actually a pretty simple feat to master. All you have to do is grip onto the cylinder and pull on it in a direction parallel to the wall. You’ll notice that due to the spring mechanism inside the cylinder, there is now a space in which the cylinder can be removed, thereby freeing it from the wall-mounted assembly. Now simply slide a new roll of toilet paper onto the cylinder and reverse the cylinder-removal process so that it is securely fastened to the wall assembly. The new roll should be able to spin freely on the cylinder, ready for the next person to use.

Perhaps a visual aid (like this one from a Los Angeles apartment share) would be helpful?

Changing the toilet paper roll: a visual guide

Or maybe just a bit more encouragement would push someone over the edge?

Very good! Every day, you get me a little closer to where I belong. Love, T.P.

(Probably not, though.)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: bathroom · Edmonton · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · signed with love · toilet paper · visual aids

How NOT to raise your neighborhood’s property values

September 19th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Tim lives in Northwest D.C., “at the front of the gentrification wave” flowing east from Dupont Circle. “We have (only) one rundown/uninhabited house on the block,” Tim says, “and this morning one of the other neighbors decided to mow the front lawn to tidy it’s appearance a bit.” While taking out the trash later that evening, Tim noticed that his neighbor’s good deed had been rewarded by this neighborly thank-you note.

Dear whoever mowed this lawm [sic], FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. If you're actually responsible for this property, clean up the fuck hobo shit laying around. The entrance to the cellar smells like 100% human feces. THANKS FOR THAT, ASSHOLES.

(As far as the smell goes…perhaps some people were under the same mistaken impression as those near this West Hollywood residence?)

This is a lawn, not a fucking diaper, thank you. Love, The people who live here

related: Gentrification is insanit(ar)y

Tags: D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · Los Angeles · odor · shit · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · that's disgusting · there goes the neighborhood

Why can’t we all just get along?

June 29th, 2010 · 63 Comments

Hey, here’s some advice! If you’re looking to improve your relationships with your roommates, communicating through the erasable whiteboard might not be the most effective way to go.

Why can't we all just get along? DON'T BE BITCHES!

(Above, from a sorority house in L.A.; below, from a shared apartment in Chicago.)

Our communication is pretty bad. We should talk as a group when WE are ready.

related: Facebook, another poor medium for mediating roommate disputes

Tags: Chicago · Los Angeles · roommates · sorority girls · whiteboard