Entries Tagged as 'California'

The Patty Hearst of fish

October 7th, 2009 · 164 Comments

Laura in Los Angeles spotted this note at a tropical-themed family restaurant in Rosemead, California, where aquariums figure heavily into the decor. The biggest fish, Laura says, occupies his (her?) own tank at the front of the restaurant.

Piscine body image issues aside, as a former casual-dining restaurant hostess  — a job that generally means bearing the brunt of the bullshit from pissy customers, stressed-out servers, and douche-nozzle managers with very little power to make anyone happy — I can certainly empathize with the note writer…though I highly doubt it’s actually eliminated the litany of  the “oh, that poor fish!” comments that inspired it.

Hi! My name is Rufus (or Rufina) I am 32 years old! I have been in this tank my whole life and I LOVE it here! Please don't say I need a bigger tank, it just makes me feel FAT! (I can't afford therapy!) I am fine really!!!!

passiveaggressivenotes.com: help, my fish has stockholm syndrome!

related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving

Tags: anthropomorphism · California · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fish · restaurant

Love, Dad

July 26th, 2009 · 105 Comments

While returning a long-lost battery charger, Kaitlin’s Dad echoes the sentiments of parents with adult children everywhere.

Love, Dad
Meanwhile, Sarah in Greenville, S.C. shows the downside of giving in to parents’ nagging for unfettered access.

busted!

related: why you should not be facebook friends with your parents

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Facebook · Moms & Dads · San Francisco · signed with love · South Carolina

Thanks for not asking

July 16th, 2009 · 140 Comments

Let me stop you right there. Before you say anything else, have you consulted this sign, as spotted on the door of a souvenir shop by Angie in Seattle?

No, we do not have change for the meter. Thanks for not asking

Or this one, as seen by Meghann outside a bar in San Francisco?

NO, I DON'T HAVE AN EXTRA CIGARETTE!

Well, then your questions will certainly be answered by my personal favorite, spotted by Jessie at a sandwich shop in Charlottesville, Virginia:

YES, WE WASH OUR LEMONS!!! NO, THERE ARE NO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS IN OUR FILTERED WATER!!!

related: Listing in NOW Magazine’s adult classifieds? $70. Revenge?

Tags: "customer service" · Charlottesville · exclamation-point happy!!!! · San Francisco · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · Virginia

Facebook wedding drama

July 11th, 2009 · 85 Comments

As always, Facebook users are keepin’ it classy.

Because this is a classy wedding

facebook wedding drama

passive-aggressive wedding drama

facebook wedding drama

FINALLY.

related: Tant pis, mon amie

extra credit: STFU, Marrieds

Tags: California · Facebook · frenemies · mean girls · most popular notes of 2009 · sad face · smiley · weddings and bridezillas

The parable of the lost keys

July 6th, 2009 · 137 Comments

Sydney spotted this bizarrely self-satisfied bit of scripture in a friend’s downtown Berkeley apartment building.

Says Sydney: “I personally think the Bible verse adds a nice touch of guilt, but it’s the emoticon smileys that really put the whole thing over the top for me.”

What was once lost is now found!

(Also…what exactly has the note-writer been doing while holding those keys ransom for the past month? Formatting footnotes?)

related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

Tags: Berkeley · Jesus · smiley

I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 Comments

This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…

thanks a HELL of a lot for using almost ALL of my new half & half!! Now I, who gets up at 3 am to be here by 4:45 and drives almost 45 minutes w/o coffee, won't get ANY

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)

Consider this!!!

June 23rd, 2009 · 121 Comments

Evan in San Diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift shop. “I particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the Spanish translation,” Evan adds. “It’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”

Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

related: When nature calls

 

Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

Tags: Espanol · guilt trip · oh no you didn't · questionable logic · retail hell · San Diego · stealing

Notes with character

June 12th, 2009 · 119 Comments

Because nobody says “I mean business” like…Donald Duck.

PLEASE NOTE!!! ONLY AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL...CAN TOUCH THIS COMPUTER...ANYONE ELSE...I WILL TEAR YOUR F*CKING ARM OFF!!! AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR F*CKING ASS!!!

Except, perhaps, Mickey Mouse? Writes our anonymous submitter in Toronto: “My sister went to do her laundry with her 2-year-old daughter who kept on saying ‘Mickey! Mickey!’” It seemed like random toddler babbling…until she saw the note.

Thanks for taking your sweet f*ckin' time doin' your laundry. Next time try setting an Egg timer so you can get your Lazy ASS outa bed!

Thanks for taking your sweet f*ckin’ time doin’ your laundry. Next time try setting an Egg timer so you can get your Lazy ASS outa bed!

related: How many wonders can one cavern hold?

extra credit: Didn’t Disney sue a bunch of preschools for painting Disney characters on their walls? [snopes.com]

Tags: California · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · laundry · not-so-veiled threats · out-of-context cartoon character · Toronto

No, no you can’t

June 9th, 2009 · 226 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter from San Francisco: “I bought $50 worth of groceries at Trader Joe’s, my boyfriend made an awesome pizza out of [some of] them, and as we were watching a movie and eating some, my uber-bachelor roommate yelled through the door and asked if he could get a slice. The man has rice and soy protein on his shelf in the pantry, for almost two years has been replacing leftovers in the fridge with “IOUs,” and rarely makes anything worth sharing — not that we would impose. Sean said ‘yeah,’ I countered with ‘meh,’ and after 30 minutes of door-slamming, he left this note on the table — along with a sticker on our pizza that said ‘meh.’”

I share my shit with you all the time

related: get your own :)

Tags: art · food · roommates · San Francisco · shit

Blowing smoke

May 28th, 2009 · 342 Comments

There’s a guilt trip…

Hello Kancer!

And then there’s a guilt trip.

Your barbecue = 9/11

related: Your hamster died? Well, I can top that.

Tags: guilt trip · New York · nice stationery · Oakland · odor · thanks (but not really)