Let me stop you right there. Before you say anything else, have you consulted this sign, as spotted on the door of a souvenir shop by Angie in Seattle?
Or this one, as seen by Meghann outside a bar in San Francisco?
Well, then your questions will certainly be answered by my personal favorite, spotted by Jessie at a sandwich shop in Charlottesville, Virginia:
related: Listing in NOW Magazine’s adult classifieds? $70. Revenge?
Tags: "customer service" · Charlottesville · exclamation-point happy!!!! · San Francisco · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · Virginia
As always, Facebook users are keepin’ it classy.
related: Tant pis, mon amie
extra credit: STFU, Marrieds
Tags: California · Facebook · frenemies · mean girls · most popular notes of 2009 · sad face · smiley · weddings and bridezillas
Sydney spotted this bizarrely self-satisfied bit of scripture in a friend’s downtown Berkeley apartment building.
Says Sydney: “I personally think the Bible verse adds a nice touch of guilt, but it’s the emoticon smileys that really put the whole thing over the top for me.”
(Also…what exactly has the note-writer been doing while holding those keys ransom for the past month? Formatting footnotes?)
Tags: Berkeley · Jesus · smiley
This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…
related: hostile takeover
Tags: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)
Evan in San Diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift store. “I particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the Spanish translation,” Evan adds. “It’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”
related: When nature calls
Tags: Espanol · guilt trip · oh no you didn't · questionable logic · retail hell · San Diego · stealing
Because nobody says “I mean business” like…Donald Duck.
Except, perhaps, Mickey Mouse? Writes our anonymous submitter in Toronto: “My sister went to do her laundry with her 2-year-old daughter who kept on saying ‘Mickey! Mickey!’” It seemed like random toddler babbling…until she saw the note.
related: How many wonders can one cavern hold?
extra credit: Didn’t Disney sue a bunch of preschools for painting Disney characters on their walls? [snopes.com]
Tags: California · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · laundry · not-so-veiled threats · out-of-context cartoon character · Toronto
Writes our anonymous submitter from San Francisco: “I bought $50 worth of groceries at Trader Joe’s, my boyfriend made an awesome pizza out of [some of] them, and as we were watching a movie and eating some, my uber-bachelor roommate yelled through the door and asked if he could get a slice. The man has rice and soy protein on his shelf in the pantry, for almost two years has been replacing leftovers in the fridge with “IOUs,” and rarely makes anything worth sharing — not that we would impose. Sean said ‘yeah,’ I countered with ‘meh,’ and after 30 minutes of door-slamming, he left this note on the table — along with a sticker on our pizza that said ‘meh.’”
related: get your own 
Tags: art · food · roommates · San Francisco · shit
There’s a guilt trip…
And then there’s a guilt trip.
Tags: guilt trip · New York · nice stationery · Oakland · odor · thanks (but not really)
