Entries Tagged as 'Colorado'

He’s just not that into unicorns

February 15th, 2009 · 97 Comments

Two target customers for Lisa Frank’s new line of movie tie-in stickers — coming soon to the Hot Topic/Urban Outfitters near you!

Dear Tyler, I painted you a valentine turtle and you said you would meet me earlier so I could give it to you, but YOU LIED! So, I am taping it to your door. Happy Valentine's day!  I don't think we should see each other any more.  Love, Molly!

(Above, from Colorado. Below, from California.)

Amor,  I'm really disappointed in you. You are not my better half instead my Bitter Half!

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss
extra credit: The legend of Casey™ and Caymus™

Tags: California · college life · Colorado · heart · nice stationery · rainbow-colored · sig o · signed with love · spurned lover

Suck on this!

February 9th, 2009 · 99 Comments

Passed along by the unfortunate hacker in question from Littleton, Colorado…

what is up with the coughing? take some drugs to take care of that, or blow your nose, or suck on a lozenge...whatever you got to do. the sound might be annoying to you, but keep in mind there are many other people in the office who have to hear that constantly.

related: Stay home!!!

Tags: Colorado · e-mail · heartwarming compassion · illness · noise · office · oh no you didn't

…or just Jewish.

December 23rd, 2008 · 60 Comments

Writes Alex in Denver: “Last year, my roommate Luke got frustrated that our undecorated tree was still sitting in the basement on Christmas Eve. We decided to get retribution by moving the tree into his room.”

I think it's funny that it's X-Mas Eve and we still haven't put up our X-mas tree...God...we're either really lazy, or just Jewish. -Luke

Happy Hannukah, everyone!

Tags: Denver · holiday spirit · roommates · whiteboard

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny.”

July 16th, 2008 · 200 Comments

“This morning we were reminded via an office-wide email that we must comply with the official timekeeping rules,” writes an anonymous federal employee in Colorado. “That means recording the correct times time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave — you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms.” (Really, would you expect anything less from the United States government?)

Later that day, a print-out appeared on the bulletin board for a training called “dealing with difficult people.”

FEAR: Are you reading this while on approved leave? If not, you could be FIRED - the very first time it happens! Remember: "Friends don't let friends go to work unless they're terrified of losing their job!"

This follow-up note was posted soon after.

You wouldn't be afraid if you were doing it right. You work for the federal government not McDonald's. Anonymous passive aggressive notes help solve the problem! Keep leaving them right here! You are awesome and mature!

Adds our submitter: “As far as I know, no one has actually been fired or threatened with firing for not complying.” (Again, this is the federal government we’re talking about.)

related: Four approaches to ice-cube maintenance

extra credit: “The Audacity of Government” [thisamericanlife.org]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Colorado · Comic Sans Alert · fired · McDonalds · meta · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office · the government

Thou dost protest too much, methinks

January 22nd, 2008 · 66 Comments

Writes Joe in Denver: “My roommate gets very emotional when someone criticizes him, but will gladly e-mail me or leave notes around the house with dozens of ‘little reminders’” like this one — written after Joe left a broom in the living room overnight.

Please put it back when you are done : Im not being bitchy or talking down — just making nice!

related: How not to housetrain a roommate

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little uptight · Denver · smiley

And what’s your Christmas wish?

December 20th, 2007 · 105 Comments

Two heartwarming notes brimming with compassion and holiday cheer!

If you're found sleeping on this porch, we will not disturb you or ask you to leave...we'll just call the police and have them haul your homeless ass away...so find somewhere else to sleep and piss

If you dog continues to bark past midnight, I will break into your home, steal it, and feed the little fucker to the homeless on Pearl Street. Happy Holidays

related: a holiday wish

Tags: Boulder · Christmas · dogs · heartwarming compassion · holiday spirit · Los Angeles · piss · pleasantries as afterthought · the homeless

Some suggestions for using the urinal

June 11th, 2007 · 17 Comments

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(from an anonymous urinal-user in Boulder, Colorado.)

Tags: "helpful" advice · bullet points · CAPS LOCK · Colorado · excessive underlining · office · toilet