Our unapologetic submitter, Patrick from Orlando, Florida, says he’s always been more of a dog person. One day, he says, “I got fed up with the perpetual harassment of this neighborhood cat: getting into my trash, jumping onto my car, and might have even given me ringworm once.” His response?

Adds Patrick: “Crazy cat ladies must have some sort of sixth sense because I had an angry visitor at my front door within 15 minutes. To this day, Snowball still roams free.”

related: The story of STUPID CAT

extra credit: Call for Cat Curfew [thecourier.com.au]

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

related: Coffee, mate?

Welcome to the set of Mean Girls: Orlando!

The initial note:

And the response…

related:  Oh sweetie, I love it when you talk dirty!

If you’re looking for an opportunity to study the unique social behavior of primates, there’s a compound in Orlando, Florida you might be interested in visiting.

Consider the package below, which a female named Misty (and no, that’s not a pseudonymous nod to Dian Fossey) recently found outside her dwelling, #14302, apparently left there by the group of lower-ranking females residing directly below.

As you’ve observed, Dr. Goodall, dominant female chimpanzees have been known to deliberately kill the young of other females in the troop in order to maintain their dominance, so perhaps the preemptive Heath-bar offering accompanying the plea for quiet was an intelligent move on the part of these lesser-ranked females.

I’m sure you’ll agree, however, that further scientific study is necessary before any conclusions are drawn.

related: Please get yourself some slippers.

So, according to Susan and Amber, there’s a creeper on the loose in Orlando, Florida…one who has a penchant for peering in the bathroom windows of his female neighbors. (In this case, a window that some brilliant architect decided to position essentially in the shower.)

Of course, there’s always another side to the story.

So, how ever could Susan and Amber resolve this tomato/tomahto dispute (aside from, you know, buying curtains)? Dr. Tobias Fünke, never-nude, to the rescue!

related: Be more private with yourself

I’m sure these ladies thank their lucky stars every day that they have each other as roommates. Wouldn’t you?

related: Your trash stinks. Grow up, thanks.

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Writes Jaime in Austin: “My husband and I lift weights at Gold’s Gym and we love it (no, really!) — except for their new signage reminding people to mop up their sweat.”

Meanwhile, next door…

(Well, sort of.) Kathryn spotted this similarly understated/backhanded message in an upscale Orlando, Florida boutique.

related: Like a rotten sponge

“My 8-year-old daughter was concerned about all the pictures of Santa portraying him with a whip,” says Lisa in Orlando, “so she wrote him this letter, thinking he might appreciate her helpful advice on taking care of his animals.”

related: no girls allowed

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman