Entries Tagged as 'Orlando'

Trash talk

April 27th, 2010 · 93 Comments

I’m sure these ladies thank their lucky stars every day that they have each other as roommates. Wouldn’t you?

YOU LADIES ARE LUCKY IM NOT PETTY Because I could easily SAY

related: Your trash stinks. Grow up, thanks.

Tags: apostrophe abuse · college life · garbage · mean girls · Orlando · roommates · that's disgusting · whiteboard

Coffee, mate?

April 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

Not Community Property

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

To the person or persons who continue to consume my Coffee-Mate coffee creamer in spite of my name being clearly marked on the container: PLEASE STOP!!!!

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Dear Coffee Creamer Thief,  What part of DO NOT TOUCH don't you understand? This is NOT your creamer and I know you didn't ask me if you could have some. Get your own coffee creamer! >:( Querido Ladron de Crema! Que parte de NO TOCAR no entiende? Esta no es su crema y yo seque usted no me pregunto si podia tomasla. Compre tu propia crema para cafe!

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

BREAST MILK. Drink at your own risk. : /

URINE sample for my parole officer. Don't Touch.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Tags: California · coffee · New York · Northern Virginia · office fridge · Orlando · piss · stealing · Texas

Know sweat

July 7th, 2009 · 92 Comments

Writes Jaime in Austin: “My husband and I lift weights at Gold’s Gym and we love it (no, really!) — except for their new signage reminding people to mop up their sweat.”

Know you can wipe off the machine when you're done. (No, really you can.)

Meanwhile, next door…

(Well, sort of.) Kathryn spotted this similarly understated/backhanded message in an upscale Orlando, Florida boutique.

NOTICE WELCOME  Dear ladies,  Please, ladies if you just worked out next door and not showered we ask for your consideration, please do not try any clothing.   Thank you, Management

related: Like a rotten sponge

Tags: Austin · gym · hygiene · Orlando · retail hell

P.P.S. Do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly? If so, you might want to lay off the cookies.

December 24th, 2008 · 42 Comments

“My 8-year-old daughter was concerned about all the pictures of Santa portraying him with a whip,” says Lisa in Orlando, “so she wrote him this letter, thinking he might appreciate her helpful advice on taking care of his animals.”

Dear Santa, I was wondering if you whipped your reindeer. You should stop because if you do your deer might try to run away. You shouldn't them too many cookies either because your reindeer might get sick. P.S. Have a holly jolly Christmas! Love, Ariel

related: no girls allowed

Tags: "helpful" advice · Christmas · Florida · holiday spirit · kids · Orlando · p.s. · signed with love

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

March 3rd, 2008 · 96 Comments

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · most popular notes of 2008 · Orlando · siblings · thanks (but not really)

Just plane rude

November 28th, 2007 · 114 Comments

Writes Deanne: “Because Orlando prides itself on being a friendly city, we tend to do most of our dirty work via passive-aggressive notes and signs. This one is from the front door of a tacky tourist shop on international drive. I can get past the reference to ‘plane rude’ but the ‘Macdonalds’ analogy is a stretch.” (I’d add that characterizing this as a safety concern is a bit of a stretch too, but I think the amazing clip art and the hand-drawn smiley are what really push this one over the top.)

Please do not bring bags of the other store into our store. Besides for safety it is just plane rude. Would you bring a Burger King bag into the MacDonalds [sic]! Thank you very much!!

Adds Deanne: “I’ve never brought a Burger King bag into McDonald’s, but that’s not because of fast food etiquette, just lack of time. I did bring a Macy’s bag into a Sears store, and I’ve never felt the least bit guilty about it!”

Tags: clip art catastrophe · etiquette · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · Orlando · questionable logic · retail hell · smiley · spelling and grammar police

Happy to be of service

June 27th, 2007 · 72 Comments

Cassie in Orlando is a preschool teacher, and brings us this note posted by the school’s director. “I cannot help but be in awe of her after this note,” Cassie says, and I have to agree.

Teachers, We offer naptime as a service to our parents and younger children. After all, we all know growing bodies and minds need lots of rest. I understand that the long hours and darkness can be tempting, but laying down on the floor with a pillow may be frowned upon by parents entering the room; not to mention being against state regulations for the supervision of children. If you are too exhausted during the day, and you continue to fall asleep in the afternoon, feel free to come to me. We can discuss the option of cutting your hours back to a more appropriate smaller amount so you may get more rest. If that does not help the situation, I will be more than happy to help you find a night shift position. Unfortunately, we do NOT offer night shifts at this particular school. Happy to be of service, [heart] L

A classic, no?

related: From the Manager’s Book of Quotes for Inspiring Workplace Paranoia

Tags: "helpful" advice · excessive underlining · heart · now that's management · office · Orlando · schools & teachers · signed with love · sleeping · spelling and grammar police