Entries Tagged as 'Florida'

Toilet: Not a Redneck Washing Machine

August 20th, 2013 · 41 Comments

Keith passed along this gem from his friend Ben, a professional musician, who spotted this on the wall of a restroom at a Central Florida club. (Another one for the “How many times did this have to happen before they made a sign about it?” files.)

Toilet: Not a Redneck Washing Machine!! You poop your pants Trash your underwear Do not hide in toilet!!

related: Hey you, you dumb redneck

Tags: bathroom · Florida · so this is a thing? · that's disgusting · that's trashy · toilet · WTF?

Free creamer!

June 26th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Writes our submitter in Florida: “My husband walked into his office breakroom to find this note. He immediately went back to his desk to write a response, but by the time he made it back to the fridge, he found that someone else had beat him to it.”

If you want to borrow my creamer PLEASE ask!!! Do not take it upon yourself to take it!!!

FREE CREAMER! Just grab out of bag

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Florida · office fridge · smartass

Here comes the troll

March 26th, 2013 · 164 Comments

Bill from Florida and his bride, Mara, both electrical engineering majors, decided to infuse their passion for their field into their “Circuit and Swirls”-themed wedding, complete with invitations featuring actual LED-running circuits. In the DIY spirit of things, Bill posted a video and a how-to guide on his blog. (So far, so good.)

A month or so later, after Bill and Mara returned from their honeymoon, they found this handwritten manifesto — excuse me, concerned warning — in their mailbox. (Because apparently plain ol’ Internet bile-spewing via, you know, the Internet would have been a little bit too passive.)

Dear Bill and Mara, Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the Internet. I came across y’all (and what appears to be y’all’s address) from a post on Wedinator. Looks like Bill posted this one himself…shocker. I’d like to point out early on here that I mean you no harm—but there are idiots on the internet who might. Moral of the story? Don’t put your home address on the internet. P.S.: ads on your videos about your wedding crap? Kindy trashy. Sure didn’t notice these until y’all started getting views in the thousands.  So, the fancy blinky invitations? Pretty cool, and kudos on the homebrew, but three words: OVER THE TOP. There is no call for this, it’s just for attention. Seriously.  Key Points:  How many people are going to keep and cherish these thing forever?  Seriously, No one cares about your damn wedding. Folks go to weddings for only a few reasons. Social obligations, food, Liquor. Looks like this is an expensive, extravagant shindig. How much did it cost? Who paid? Or financed? How many grocery trip, tanks of gas, or house down payments is that? Most people who have extravagant weddings could care less about actually getting married, they just want to be in a wedding.  You guys are really pretentious. Personal blogs are bad enough, but wedding/relationship websites are kind of disgusting.  Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Think about this: if you would be satisfied with a brief chapel wedding without guests and a road trip for a honeymoon, then you’re really ready to marry. GOOD LUCK.

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

 

Tags: "helpful" advice · Florida · most popular notes of 2013 · TL;DR · weddings and bridezillas

Nope, nothing to see here.

November 26th, 2012 · 44 Comments

That’s right narcs, just move it along!

Boring that's what it's like Inside the room. Do not Disturb Lycia She Will Not Wake Up. Don't  in There sleeping and Super Veary Boring. Don't Bother These two. Their Boring. I wouldn't bother going in thy won't do anything.

(Now fast-forward about 10 years or so…)

I don't have a meth lab (Never ever) Leave me alone

related:  See you never again in my life

Tags: go away · kids · rainbow-colored · Tampa

So what you’re telling me is to pay at the pump?

November 7th, 2012 · 59 Comments

Writes Tim in Jacksonville, Florida: “Apparently people on the Westside don’t process instructions very well.”

An alternative explanation: People at the Westside Winn-Dixie don’t utilize bold type very well.

Pay at the pump is down. If you remove this sign pay at the pump is still down. If you pull to a different pump. Pay at the pump is still down. Bring your card to the attendant Thank you

related: Pain at the pump

Tags: "customer service" · gas station · Jacksonville

Lemme break it down for you

October 8th, 2012 · 38 Comments

Ashleigh says her apartment complex in Gainesville, Florida is “notoriously slow” when it comes to repairs. Apparently, some of her neighbors got tired of waiting.

Just a 'little' reminder our stove is broke! We do enjoy the free dinner the past 2 nights though

related: Love, the Landlord

Tags: Florida · landlords and property managers · stove

(Willpower not provided)

September 25th, 2012 · 32 Comments

At Ama’s office in Jacksonville, Florida, a friendly staff member brought a sweet treat to share. “This became too much for one anonymous coworker,” Ama says, “who maintained his or her strength under pressure long enough to leave this note.” (Honestly, as someone with a particular weakness for the sweet stuff myself…I kinda understand.)

Blueberry Cheesecake for Whoever Wants Some. I'm totally intimidated by this cheesecake. Will someone please eat it so I can use the breakroom!

related post:

This is a candy-optional office

Tags: cake · Jacksonville · office

Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 Comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing

Found: Ugly Cat

December 28th, 2011 · 35 Comments

Spotted (and Instagram’d) by Cecilia in Pensacola, Florida:

UGLY CAT There is a cat in place that will not leave no matter how poorly I treat it. This means: 1) It is lost 2) It is abandoned 3) It thinks I am a better decorator than you. If you want your cat back describe on next page & leave phone #. If your description matches, come pick up your cat. Bring a stun gun. This *#!$% cat will not leave voluntarily.

related: Scat, fat cat!

extra credit: Chase No Face

Tags: cats · Florida · neighbors

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion

December 5th, 2011 · 45 Comments

Welcome to the set of Mean Girls: Orlando!

The initial note:

This apartment needs Christmas spirit! Let me know if you want to chip in so we can get decorations! —Steph

And the response…

This apartment needs cleaning spirit! Let me know if you want to help out a[nd] clean up your mess! —Angel

related:  Oh sweetie, I love it when you talk dirty!

Tags: Christmas · cleaning · holiday spirit · nice stationery · Orlando · roommates · sarcasm