If you’re looking for an opportunity to study the unique social behavior of primates, there’s a compound in Orlando, Florida you might be interested in visiting.

Consider the package below, which a female named Misty (and no, that’s not a pseudonymous nod to Dian Fossey) recently found outside her dwelling, #14302, apparently left there by the group of lower-ranking females residing directly below.

As you’ve observed, Dr. Goodall, dominant female chimpanzees have been known to deliberately kill the young of other females in the troop in order to maintain their dominance, so perhaps the preemptive Heath-bar offering accompanying the plea for quiet was an intelligent move on the part of these lesser-ranked females.

I’m sure you’ll agree, however, that further scientific study is necessary before any conclusions are drawn.

related: Please get yourself some slippers.

At Nat’s office in York, England, one of his coworkers has been trying to bully everyone into coughing up some cash for an (admittedly worthy) charitable cause.

In Nat’s opinion, however, her guilt-heavy fund-raising techniques might benefit from a little fine-tuning…especially given that all seven of those special “charity pens” were nicked from the office supply closet.

related: Starve on!

So, according to Susan and Amber, there’s a creeper on the loose in Orlando, Florida…one who has a penchant for peering in the bathroom windows of his female neighbors. (In this case, a window that some brilliant architect decided to position essentially in the shower.)

Of course, there’s always another side to the story.

So, how ever could Susan and Amber resolve this tomato/tomahto dispute (aside from, you know, buying curtains)? Dr. Tobias Fünke, never-nude, to the rescue!

related: Be more private with yourself

I’m sure these ladies thank their lucky stars every day that they have each other as roommates. Wouldn’t you?

related: Your trash stinks. Grow up, thanks.

“My mother sent me this gem of a newspaper clipping from my hometown in Florida,” Kim says. “I didn’t know if she had any personal involvement in this tragedy, or if she just thought it was hilarious, like I did.”

(Perhaps it was intended as a cautionary tale. Or a warning to keep an eye out for one-legged flamingos?)

related: askin’ for it

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Shawna in Toronto spotted this note during a visit to her grandparents’ condo in Miami. The only remaining evidence of “despicable vandalism,” she says, was a bit of scratched paint. Making “those that have the most to gain”…the painting contractors?

related: be informed, homeland security will be

Danielle in Tampa, Florida found this note in the hallway of her apartment building. Writes Danielle: “I don’t know what the official story is, but I can assume that it is the same as every other ‘my roommate is a slob’ story. I’m a little confused about why this girl thought that leaving her garbage in our hallway would make people feel sorry for her, though.”

related: Why the “seething and waiting” strategy will never work