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Entries Tagged as 'Florida'

Free to be you and me

April 12th, 2009 · 95 Comments

Writes Jay in Miami Beach: “The woman who lives in Apt. 2, right next to the front door of the building, had such a stinky dog smell emanating from her apartment that you could smell it through the closed door.”

Presumably, she could hear everyone’s complaints through the closed door, too.

I'm Dirty and I LOVE it. I LOVE my dirty dog BAD smell. I DON'T CARE If it bother you. -Dirty Lady #2

Dirty Lady #2

related: When you can’t blame the dog

Tags: dogs · Miami · neighbors · odor · oh no you didn't

No, it’s not passive-aggressive

February 18th, 2009 · 114 Comments

…but this nail salon’s signage — photographed by Faye in Miami — is just too incredible not to share.

QT NAILS & SPA: Professionally Done By Asians QT NAILS & SPA: Professionally Done By Asians

related: Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

extra credit: Why are so many nail salons owned by Asians, anyway? [businessweek.com]

Tags: Florida · Miami · oh no you didn't · tangent time

P.P.S. Do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly? If so, you might want to lay off the cookies.

December 24th, 2008 · 42 Comments

“My 8-year-old daughter was concerned about all the pictures of Santa portraying him with a whip,” says Lisa in Orlando, “so she wrote him this letter, thinking he might appreciate her helpful advice on taking care of his animals.”

Dear Santa, I was wondering if you whipped your reindeer. You should stop because if you do your deer might try to run away. You shouldn't them too many cookies either because your reindeer might get sick. P.S. Have a holly jolly Christmas! Love, Ariel

related: no girls allowed

Tags: "helpful" advice · Christmas · Florida · holiday spirit · kids · Orlando · p.s. · signed with love

Hi kids, it’s your old pal, Fluffy!

December 20th, 2008 · 108 Comments

Once upon a time, our anonymous submitter informs us, a plucky young fellow who goes by the name “Fluffy Fox” found his way onto the walls of this underutilized Florida dorm shower. An avid personal hygiene enthusiast, Fluffy has always been all too willing to provide grime-infested student bodies with his full rundown of bathroom reminders.

How to: Shower

Did you remember to...

REMEMBER TO WIPE! Thanks, The Management

If passive-aggressive notes are good enough for prime time, surely there’s room for Fluffy’s bathroom antics in today’s lackluster Saturday morning cartoon lineup, no?

related: There are only 10 types of people in the world…

Tags: bathroom · college life · Florida · heart · hygiene · shower · toilet · visual aids

The Powerseller of Pompano Beach

July 27th, 2008 · 318 Comments

If you’ve ever tut-tutted over the consequences of big-box stores and online retailers overtaking small businesses, you’ll be heartened to hear that some folks have figured out how to bring those old-fashioned mom-n-pop ideas about customer service into the digital age…with the help of a big ol’ corporation called eBay!

While browsing the auction site for some new shades, my pal Josh stumbled across one such example — a listing from a Florida-based eBayer who goes by the name of whiteblizzard70.

PLEASE READ MY SHIPPING AND REFUND (RETURNS) RULES, AS THAT IS IMPORTANT.

This goes on for several more paragraphs (see for yourself), but I’ll skip to my favorite part — the postscript.

PS I LOVE OVERSEAS BUYERS! NEVER A PROBLEM.

(Josh decided not to bid.)

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers
extra credit: How do you get out of an ebay auction? [consumerist.com]

P.S. This post reminded me of another note my friend Josh told me about a few months back — a piece of reader mail he’d received as an editor at the music mag Blender. Granted, most readers who take the time to write in to magazines like Blender are at least a little bit…off, to say the least. But the last part of this letter — a response to an “Ask Blender” column about the urban legend that Debbie Harry of Blondie was once abducted by Ted Bundy — is genuinely spine-chilling. (Passive-aggressive? Not so much. Creepy? Um, yes.)

Tags: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · college life · eBay · Florida · more aggressive than passive · Pompano Beach · spelling and grammar police

Sheena is a paintballer

July 9th, 2008 · 181 Comments

Where do you suppose this “anomous” Tampa, Florida resident stands on the whole nature-vs.-nurture debate?

PAINTBALL "PUNK" YOU WERE RAISED BY: TOTAL IDIOT PARENTS!

The Apple did not fall far from the tree! Your dad = idiot, son = little idiot $250 REWARD NAME THE IDIOT THAT SHOT PAINTBALL AT MY DOOR!

PARENTING 101 LEARN TO BE A REAL PARENT 10 LESSONS FREE CLASS

Interested? here’s a free preview!

Crappy parents > Bozo kids; Caring parents > very nice kids

related: Your to lazy

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · dubious scientific claims · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · gloriously redundant · irregular capitalization · kids today · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2008 · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · Tampa · the lawn · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Three things your health teacher didn’t tell you about herpes

June 18th, 2008 · 109 Comments

(A Passiveaggressivenotes.com public disservice announcement)

1. From Portland, Oregon…

FYI - a recent study at Harvard Medical School linked a rare, disfiguring and painful form of genital herpes to leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Be careful out there.

2. From Williamsburg, Virginia…

Stealing ice cream gives you herpes. :)

3. From Miami, Florida…

Surgeon's General Warning Entering Starbucks now greatly increases your chance of contracting herpes.

related: Come get some

extra credit: Herpes: it’s got New York by the balls [nymag.com]

Tags: college life · FYI · Miami · not-so-veiled threats · now that's not true · Portland · roommates · smiley · Starbucks · stealing · Virginia · warning · whiteboard · Williamsburg

Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

April 6th, 2008 · 74 Comments

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

Please do not vomit in the urinals

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bathroom · Florida · Miami · not so much passive-aggressive · vomit

If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today…

March 28th, 2008 · 99 Comments

Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION   Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Florida · gym · shit · shower · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

March 3rd, 2008 · 96 Comments

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · most popular notes of 2008 · Orlando · siblings · thanks (but not really)