Entries Tagged as 'Atlanta'

Your cat. Your choice.

July 25th, 2013 · 240 Comments

Submission-wise, it’s been a slow week. So, hey, why not open the can of worms that is The Great Outdoor Cat Debate? (Eeek.)

Amy says her Atlanta neighborhood is constantly plastered with “missing cat” signs. This one, though, was a little different.

If you own a gray tabby cat with a collar, read this. Your cat is spending its days in my backyard. I have bird feeders and there are chipmunks around. When I try to be nice to the cat to be able to read its collar and find out where its home is, it hisses and growls. This is fair warning. The next time I see your cat in my backyard, I will throw something heavy at it. I have pretty good aim. So if you don't want a vet bill, keep your cat indoors. If it kills a bird at one of my feeders, I will hire someone to catch it and take it to animal control. Your cat. Your choice.

related: Barking Mad

Tags: Atlanta · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · warning

Vomiting for dummies

June 10th, 2013 · 71 Comments

Mike spotted this in one of the restrooms at his Atlanta office. As amused as he was by the snarky comment-ALL CAPS-clip art combo, “I can’t say I disagree with the note,” says Mike. “That’s just gross.”

PLEASE DO NOT THROW UP IN OUR SINKS a sign like this shouldn't be necessary in a professional office environment Proper way to throw up Please remember to flush after you vomit. And to the person that did that in the sink and didn't even bother to clean it up, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WORK FROM HOME, YOU BIG LOSER! AS OF MAY 29, 2013 THIS HAS NOW HAPPENED AT LEAST 3 TIMES in 2 weeks on this floor! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

related: Don’t vom in the urinals, either

Tags: Atlanta · bathroom · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · office · vomit

Take that, Homeowners Association!

July 22nd, 2012 · 100 Comments

Megan in Atlanta found this note on her front door one day after returning home from work. Explains Megan: “My front rooms are living and dining, not bedrooms. I had put one of my front blinds up because the cat was getting to it and they’re expensive cellular shades.” Her “high road” response? Raising all the blinds in the house. (Adds Megan: “Enjoy the view, busybody!”)

Dear Homeowner: Please keep your blinds lowered (at all times) across [sic] front of your home - for aesthetic purposes. Thanks a walker a jogger a bicyclists [sic]

Meanwhile, Tim and his wife Rebecca spotted this smiley-faced bit of sarcasm on a street near their home in Colorado Springs. Adds Tim: “The neighborhood isn’t even very nice, so an ugly fence is hardly the worst thing around.”

Look Bob I've painted my fence :)

 

related: The Future HOA Presidents of America

Tags: Atlanta · Colorado · most popular notes of 2012 · MYOB · neighbors · there goes the neighborhood

The Year of the Rabbit is off to a lucky start!

February 10th, 2011 · 37 Comments

…at least that’s the spin the managers of this Atlanta restaurant are going with.

Great news! Terminated one server today! More shifts for others, keep up the good work!  Len & Lili

(Thanks to Nicole and her friend Sam for submitting.)

related: Recession incentive plan

Tags: Atlanta · fired · now that's management · restaurant

Take a moment and look up the word RUDE.

January 6th, 2011 · 76 Comments

Just in case you were still under the impression that leaving an anonymous note will somehow allow you to maintain the moral high ground, take a look at this classic neighborly exchange from Drew‘s apartment building in Atlanta.

I have never been in your apartment and I doubt I ever will be. However, I think I would be correct in saying you have at least one bookcase. Within that selection of books, there is probably a dictionary. Take a moment and look up the word RUDE. If you do or if you already know the meaning of the world, you should know then that this describes YOU! Your radio or television wakes me up practically every morning at 5:30 and there are several nights it played late at night. I don't appreciate it and if it continues, I will take action which will not be favorable - talking to the apartment office. Thus, consider this a one time warning. I never thought anyone would be some thoughtless or rude as you but maybe you have never tried to improve on this undesired behavior. You better start before it becomes too late!

Drop the passive-aggressive posture and simply be an adult and ask next time!

related: I hope your cat chokes

Tags: Atlanta · neighbors · noise · not-so-veiled threats · obnoxious definition · oh snap · rebuttals · TL;DR

Please stop feeding the homeless

December 8th, 2010 · 247 Comments

Now, our submitter Kenny doesn’t want to you to get the wrong idea about his buddy Lamar. Yes, Lamar drives an old church van, but he works at a piercing parlor — he’s not the kind of rabble-rouser who’d go around doing things like, say, “feeding the hungry.”

Apparently, however, one of Lamar’s neighbors in the Little Five Points neighborhood of Atlanta saw the van and concluded otherwise — leaving behind this disapproving note for him to meditate on.

PLEASE STOP FEEDING THE HOMELESS IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. YOU ARE DOING HARM TO Those of us Who live here. Take it to your on backyard. Thank you + Please —

related: Find somewhere else to sleep and piss

extra credit: Donate to the Metro Atlanta Task Force for the Homeless via PayPal

Donate to the National Alliance to End Homelessness via PayPal

Tags: Atlanta · heartwarming compassion · irregular capitalization · mistaken identity · NIMBY · pleasantries as afterthought · questionable logic · the homeless · there goes the neighborhood · WTF?

Please take me at my word that I’ve been working out lately

November 10th, 2010 · 49 Comments

Our anonymous submitter didn’t catch the original note about “slaming [sic] the door,” but you can get a pretty good idea of what it said based on the carefully worded response from the recipient, John (who, like Dustin, simply isn’t aware of his own strength at times).

Dear Sir or Madam: Hello. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I would like to offer you my most profound apologies for having slammed the door last night. I have to tell you that I honestly wasn't aware that I do this; I always thought that I used a normal amount of force when closing the door, although I have been working out lately. Please take me at my word when I now say that I will be more conscious of my door closing from here forward. However, in the event that you do have more problems with me, I would greatly appreciate it if you were to approach me directly, rather that resort to another hasty and quite confrontational handwritten note that, to be quite frank, had all the potential to be taken as offensive. I am sure that you will understand where I am coming from. Once again, thank you for your correspondence and I appreciate your anticipated co-operation. Most sincerely, John [Redacted] Apt. 108

Meanwhile, this note, as seen by Felix in Atlanta, was clearly left by a neighbor without a law degree.

(I’m guessing a dog; cats are way more passive-aggressive.)

Dear Neighbor, Please, PLEASE stop by and say hello. We can clear this up right away without having to leave sneaky notes. Thanks! I look forward to chatting [Paw print]

related: Door-slamming sign slam

Tags: Atlanta · Illinois · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · opening/closing · rebuttals · thanks (but not really)

The joys of teaching

July 1st, 2010 · 99 Comments

Our submitter, an English teacher in Thailand, received this letter from a parent so notorious at the school for notes like this that she has her own nickname among the staff — “SS, as in nuttier than squirrel shit.” The exasperating part, our submitter says, is the mother’s uncanny ability to “correct” non-mistakes in her daughter’s essays. (“As you may guess from reading, the daughter’s English is better than her own,” she says.)

And as tempted as she was to correct the mother’s grammar in her note, “I had to stop, for fear of my head exploding.”

Hope we are on the same direction

If that note left a bit of a bad taste in your mouth (or you’re one of those short-attention span “TL;DR types,”) not to worry: enjoy this end-of-the-year note written to a first-grade teacher in Atlanta. No, it’s not passive-aggressive…just adorable.

Dear Mr. [Redacted], You were the best teacher a student could ever have!  I love my class too!  I am sad that I'm going to second grade.  If I had a choice between you getting killed and my favorite tree getting chopped down, I would choose my favorite tree getting chopped down.

related: Sympathy for the Devil

Tags: Atlanta · kids · schools & teachers · Thailand · TL;DR

Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry

April 23rd, 2010 · 116 Comments

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Their Sink, My Sink, Your Sink It's against our wishes if you soak your dishes cause the sink's not a soaking place. Quick! Scrub 'em clean-make 'em really gleam. Watch a 'thank you!' smile appear on every face. So don't walk away- don't soak it- just clean it! (Wash it right now! You can finish in a minute!) Cause it's not just your sink, it's their sink and my sink. Please be considerate.  Don't clutter the sink by leaving your items to soak. THANK YOU!

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

A Poem  Wash your dishes It's not that hard You weren't born in a barn Or a stable, or a yard  The sink is too small To have dishes build up It's really not complicated  To wash a small cup  Your housemates aren't your servants Or your keepers, or your mothers Those who wash their own things Needn't worry about the others  When there's only one of something Please keep that in your mind In the sink and dirty Makes things really hard to find  We know we love each other That's nothing to deny So wash your freaking dishes Or I'll stab you in the eye :)

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Please be a dear and do your dishes here for if you do not, the house will be wrought with people dismayed by the mass that's displayed and hence are not able  to dine at the table for lack of clean wishes  restricts their good wishes

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

Soaking Cup Haiku  Dried flecks of cat food Circling the rim of the cup Oh - it's your oatmeal.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

Tags: Atlanta · clip art catastrophe · college life · D.C. · dishes · office · pure poetry · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · TL;DR · Winston-Salem