Entries Tagged as 'Chicago'

Tacky, you say?

May 15th, 2013 · 35 Comments

Explains our submitter in Chicago: “Colleague A left the following note — an attempt to enforce an ambigious personal space decoration policy via shame — on Colleague B’s Eiffel Tower clip. (Note: Colleague A has no official authority over Colleague B.) I find the phrasing both poetic and hilarious.”

THIS EIFFEL TOWER IS TACKY. DON'T PUT IT ON TOP.

related: Do not lean on my pod!!!

Tags: a matter of taste · Chicago · office · office cop

The don of donut discipline

April 28th, 2013 · 144 Comments

Don is the organizer of a doughnut co-op in his Chicago office, in which each co-worker takes a turn bringing in doughnuts every Friday to share with the rest of the group. “One of my co-workers is notorious for cutting doughnuts in half and leaving the other half behind in the box,” Don says, “which annoys some of the other members of the co-op. Apparently a co-worker felt that I was failing to maintain doughnut discipline and took it upon himself to post this warning.”

Adds Don: “Half-doughnuts are no longer showing up.”

Bad: Thinking of cutting a donut. Worse: Actually cutting a donut. Worst: Cutting a donut and leaving the other half behind. Better: Cutting a donut and throwing the other half away. Best: Eat the whole damn donut!

related: The Office Breakroom Nibbler

Tags: Chicago · etiquette · food · most popular notes of 2013 · office

Gee, thanks for the advice.

February 20th, 2013 · 66 Comments

Steve in Los Angeles says his dog has been having some separation anxiety, typically crying for about 30 minutes to an hour after Steve leaves for work. He recently found this oh-so-helpful advice taped to his front door. (His response: “WTF?!”)

Hello, I'm not sure if you're aware but your dog barks almost non stop when you're gone. He seems very unhappy. I had a similar problem but finally worked it out. Good luck.

Steve, just to put things in perspective, you might want to take a look at the Chicago approach:

To the inconsiderate asshole on the third floor who's dog won't shut the fuck up. If you don't start closing your window, the dog is gonna take a bullet. You've been warned.

related: My bite is work than your bark

Tags: "helpful" advice · Chicago · dogs · Los Angeles · neighbors · noise · warning

Is this a toilet?

December 19th, 2012 · 54 Comments

Apparently, when is comes to judging the average person’s ability to correctly assess, “Should I urinate here?” you really can’t be too careful.

In the interest of health these toilets have been sealed. DO NOT USE!!!

Due to persons repeatedly urinating in the elevator, it has been turned off until further notice. If you have any information about the persons responsible, please contact Bill in Centennial 144. Your honesty will be appreciated and will lead to a speedy return of the elevator. Fun Fact: You and your roommate share a bathroom with your suitemates. In this bathroom there should be a toilet. If you are missing a toilet, please call the Fix-It Line at x4687

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Especially, it seems, in Chicago — as witnessed by both Julie and Whitney. Although, “To be fair,” Whitney adds, “the entire city seems to be fair game for public urination.”

ObviouslyPlease do not USE this bathroom! I thought the lack of a door indicated that fact, obviously I was wrong.I was wrong

Please - this is not a toilet

related: What is it about thrift store fitting rooms?!

extra credit: Street art by ELBOW-TOE

This is not a urinal.

Tags: Chicago · piss · toilet

So this is what a “compassionate conservative” looks like?

June 21st, 2012 · 108 Comments

Jen in Concord, Massachusetts is pretty sure she has a Romney supporter to thank for the friendly note left on her car during a recent trip to Target.

Dear Friend, Someone defaced your car w/ an Obama sticker, just thought you should know, hate to see you look like an idiot.

“Fortunately,” she says, “the Obama sticker (which is actually a magnet and very easily removed) was left intact, as was the Darwin fish.”

The sticker

UPDATE: Closer to the election, Samantha was surprised to find a similar (copycat?) note on her car in the President’s hometown of Chicago.

Hi! We noticed that someone vandalized your car and put this Obama bumper sticker on it.  Just making sure you noticed it so you can take it off before you are mistaken for a total dufus. —A good Samaritan

related: Herbie goes to Washington; When Mavericks Attack

Tags: "helpful" advice · Chicago · Massachusetts · politics

Sincerely, Commando

March 1st, 2012 · 51 Comments

“I love my neighbor’s passion,” says Del in Chicago. “This is totally something I would do.”

Hmm, Del. To which of  your two neighbors are you referring?

To the Fucking Asshole that stole all of my underwear: This is the 2nd time that this has happened. Yes, they are nice underwear, yes, they are expensive, but why can't you just go to Cram on Broadway and buy your own?  I am going to do everything in my power to find you, and I'm going to fuck your world up.  I am going to sand paper fist fuck your asshole.  Get ready for a world of pain mother fucker.  Sincerely, Commando

related: Panty raid!

Tags: Chicago · laundry · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · stealing

The milk chocolate…not in your hand

February 12th, 2012 · 32 Comments

There’s a vending machine troll on the loose in Chicago!

My Peanut M&Ms got stuck, so I'd either like my 80 cents back or my peanut M&Ms. Thanks! Deanna Response: I GOT 2 PEANUT M&Ms FOR THE PRICE OF 1! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEDNESDAY!

related: The Candyman Can’t

Tags: candy · Chicago · smartass · vending machine drama

Public Displays of Long-Distance Affection

December 18th, 2011 · 46 Comments

Ryan came home from work tonight and found this taped to the front door of his Chicago apartment building.

It could be worse, of course. Adds Ryan, “At least she plays nice guitar.”

To the guy who lives at the south end of the building and skypes his girlfriend every night at 3am: Hey man, I know you and your girlfriend are in different time zones, and I understand you have to talk to her EVERY NIGHT AT 2-4 AM, but could you please keep your voice down, and maybe use a headphone instead of the speaker? It's nice that your girlfriend has a beautiful singing voice and plays nice guitar, but I really can't appreciate her performance at this ungodly hour. I've been waken [sic] up three nights in a row by you guys and I sincerely hope it won't turn into a full season of your personal American idol show. PLEASE USE A HEADPHONE! Thank you. Someone who only gets 4 hours of sleep these days.

related: Toto, I have a feeling we’re not at band camp anymore

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · noise · sleeping

So close, and yet…

September 1st, 2011 · 99 Comments

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

Tags: Chicago · dogs · excessive capitalization · garbage · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · recycling · shit · You call that punctuation?

Short fuses over shorted fuses

July 14th, 2011 · 85 Comments

Well, here’s another one to file under I didn’t even know that was a thing.

Explains our submitter in Chicago: “We live in a VERY old building with a lot of electrical problems. Apparently, one of the tenants is blowing fuses daily and switching their blown fuses out with other units’ working ones. Crazy.”

Dear Jerkface who keeps stealing fuses, 1) You're a jerkface. 2) Fuses are expensive. You would know that if you went out and bought some instead of stealing other people's. 3) You obviously have some type of electrical issue that needs to be addressed. Call the management company before you burn down the building. Thanks!

related: This is not a thing! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · nice stationery · stealing · that's a fire hazard